Want to know more about another genre of jokes? Well here it is! Funny Jokes also called Black Humor have the potential to make us laugh or think in various dimensions! Not alone that, they also offer great comic relief at times of need!
If your quest is centered upon jokes that can make you realize facts and truth with a twist, Dark Jokes is what you should need! Presenting 70+ Very Funny Jokes That Are So Amazing to read for great comical relief and joy!
Here we go on this collection!
Our most-preferred jokes which are really entertaining – this rundown of jokes has been hand chosen and contain an assortment of cunning, spotless and senseless jokes so be set up to snicker.
Today at the bank, an old woman requested that I help check her parity. So I drove her over.
I got a few shoes from a street pharmacist. I don’t have the foggiest idea what he bound them with, however I’ve been stumbling throughout the day.
I told my sweetheart she drew her eyebrows excessively high. She appeared to be amazed.
My pooch used to pursue individuals on a bicycle a great deal. It got so awful, at last I needed to remove his bicycle.
I’m so great at resting. I can do it with my eyes shut.
My manager instructed me to have a decent day.. So I returned home.
For what reason is Peter Pan continually flying? He Neverland’s.
A lady strolls into a library and inquired as to whether they had any books about neurosis. The administrator says “They’re directly behind you!”
A day or two ago, my better half requested that I pass her lipstick yet I unintentionally passed her a paste stick. Despite everything she isn’t conversing with me.
For what reason do visually impaired individuals despise skydiving? It horrifies their pooches.
At the point when you look actually carefully, all mirrors look like eyeballs.
My companion says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I stated: “No it doesn’t”
What do you call a person with an elastic toe? Roberto.
What did the privateer state when he turned 80 years of age? Affirmative matey.
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Q: Why do monkeys eat banana?
A: Because bananas are not afraid.
Q: What do you call a tiger with glasses on?
A: A scientist tiger.
Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Q: Take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just Juan.
Q: Why don’t ants get sick?
A: Because they have little anty-bodies.
So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: “You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They’ll rob you blind. Don’t you go paying them what they ask. You haggle.” At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, “That’ll be twenty dollars, lads.” “Oh no you don’t! My dad warned me about you. You’ll only be getting fifteen dollars from me,” says one of the men. “And you’ll only be getting fifteen from me too,” adds the other.
What do you call an alligator that works on Wall Street?
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip?
I was heels over head!
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other… “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
I would avoid the sushi if I was you.
It’s a little fishy!
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
Do you know what you can hold without ever touching it?
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
A blonde goes to the doctor’s and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what’s wrong. She replies, “I know who the dad is for one of them but I don’t know who the dad is for the other one!”
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. ?A stone’s throw away, in fact.
Wife – I bought new jeans.
Me – They look great on you.
Wife – They’re still in the bag.
Me – They look great on you.
A man asks a farmer near a field: Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.
The farmer says: Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.
“Grandpa, why don’t you have any life insurance?”
“So you can all be really sad when I die.”
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, “What are you doing?” “Playing a game,” the boy replied. “What is your name?” the officer questioned. “Mind Your Own Business.” Furious the policeman inquired, “Are you looking for trouble?!” The boy replied, “Why, yes.”
A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, “I’m here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I’m going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their balls which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck.” The man says “Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?” The animal control employee says, “Oh, that’s for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla.”
Q: What do spys eat instead of McDonald’s?
Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.
Q: What is Harry Potter’s favorite method of getting down a hill?
A: Walking… jk, rolling.
Man: Waiter, how long will my pizza be?
Waiter: Not very long.
Q: What’s E.T. short for?
A: Because he’s got little legs.
Q: Why did the banana eat himself?
A: He had nothing.
No matter how kind you are, German children will always be Kinder.
What do you get when you cross a T-Rex and a chicken? Nothing but death.
Q: What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
Q: What do you call a fish with no tail?
A: A one eyed grape.
Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
A: Aye Matey.
Crocodiles might be vegetarians because when they open their mouths, we could easily put in vegetables!
Q: What’s a pirate’s favourite letter?
A: Ye’d think it be “R”, but a pirate’s first love will always be the “C”.
– Do you like icecream?
– Then maybe you should marry it.
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he never lands.
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Two chickpeas are walking down the street when one chickpea starts to vomit. The other chickpea asks: “Are you okay?” and the chickpea answers: “No, I falafel”
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
A man comes home and yells joyfully: “Honey I won the Lotto! Pack your things for a nice big vacation!”
She asks: “Awesome! Should I pack for warm or cold weather?”
Man beams: “I don’t care. Just be on your way already!”
An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. “I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!” The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there’s no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, “I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop.” The agent knows he won’t be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. “Are you all right?” asks the agent. “No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you’d be happy about it!”
A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.” “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” “It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,” she responded. “I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?” “I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.” The judge took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a real grudge?” “No,we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.” “Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?” “Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.” “Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?” “Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.” The judge asked, “Is your husband a nagger?” “Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!” Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce? “Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, “What are you doing?” “Playing a game,” the boy replied. “What is your name?” the officer questioned. “Mind Your Own Business.” Furious the policeman inquired, “Are you looking for trouble?!” The boy replied, “Oh, yes.”
Boy: “I love you so much, I could never live without you.”
Girl: “Is that you or the beer talking?”
Boy: “It’s me talking to the beer.”
The guy who gives out food at the prison canteen asks: “Eat here or take away?”
The prisoner frowns: “Not funny, Marlon! Not funny at all!!”
St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, “about 1,500.” “That’s right! You may enter.” St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
Once Santa went to Court
Judge :- Order..! Order..!
Santa :- “1 Pizza, 2 Dosa , 3 idaly and 1 Maza”
Judge :- “Shut-Up”
Santa :- “No..No….Thums Up Charged Ice Chilled..!”
HR Manager Asked Banta in an Interview.
“Can you spell a word that has more than 75 Letters in it?”
Banta confidently Replied: “Letter Box”
Santa Had A Leakage In The Roof Over His Dining Room.
Plumber Asked: “Sir When Did U Notice Leakage in Roof ?”
Santa: “Last Night…. When It Took Me 3 Hours To Finish My Delicious Chicken Soup”
Boss : We need someone for this Job, who is Responsible.
Santa : Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job,
whenever anything went wrong, they said I am Responsible…
An E.N.T. Professor retired from Renown college. In the Farewell college faculty gifted him a silver ear.
Thanking the faculty the professor said: “Thank god I am not a gynecologist.”
An Investment Banker Was Getting Married.
During Wedding, The Wife Vomits.
Husband: “What Happened?”
Wife: “Capital Gains Arising Out Of Previous Investment.”
Husband: “U cheated me..”
Wife: “U should know, mutual fund investments are subject to market risks!”
Pregnant Santa’s Wife carred ISI mark on her stomach.
When doctor asked why ISSI mark..
She replied…ISI means INTELLIGENT_SANTA’S_SON_INSIDE.
English Teacher: “One cute and young girl is walking
on the road.” Change this into an punjabi exclamatory sentence.
Sardar student:- “Oye,pataka !”
Santa: Madam, Can I Go To The Bathroom?
Madam corrected that wrong sentence: May I Go To The Bathroom?
Santa: But I Asked First.
Teacher : Are You Sleeping in My Class..?
Student : No,uh,a Bug Flew in My Eye and I am Trying to Suffocate It.
What is the English movie name for Karvachauth?
‘Fast and Furious’… One day Fast, 364 days Furious
SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength: My wife, Jeeto.
2.Weakness: Banta’s wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour!!!
After a big accident, a man was crying : O God! I have lost my left hand?
Santa: Control yourself my friend. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost
his head. Is he crying?
After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk : Did you see me robbing?
Clerk : Yes I saw u.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : Did u?
Second Clerk : No, but my wife saw u!
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
Bus conductor: Why are taking 2 tickets?
Santa : Because if I lose 1 that 2 ticket will save me.
Conductor: what if you lose both?
Santa : Listen, I am not a fool. I already have my Pass with me.!!!
“What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.”
“How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.”
“What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.”
“What do you call an everyday potato? A commentator.”
“What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.”
“What did the atom say after losing an electron? ‘I really gotta keep an ion them.'”
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
“Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.”
“Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.”
“How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.”
“I know you’re busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?”
“If I had a garden, I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.”
“On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9… and I’m the 1 you need.”
“Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.”
“Do you like sales? Because clothing is 100% off at my place.”
“I’ve had an off week, but seeing you always turns me on.”
“I wish you were my big toe. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.”
“You have something on your butt. It’s my eyes.”
“Do you do carpeting? Because I’m looking for a deep shag.”
“‘You’re beautiful’ has U in it, but ‘quickie’ has U and I together.”