In a world of confusion and misunderstanding that often stresses out, we have only one recourse that will pull us out from such miseries! Wondering what is it? Very simple! They are nothing else but Jokes! The very word joke can make us forget about the world we are in and at the same time enable us to lead a happy life! But wait, have you heard about vegan jokes? If not here is your chance!
Keeping in view of the trend and popularity associated with women jokes, we have compiled 70+ Vegan Jokes That You Can Relate To! Not alone that, these jokes will also leave you in a pool of laugh and joy in no time!
Ready to uncover them?
Think you’ve heard them all? – You may discover something new to make you LOL.
Veggie lovers have a notoriety for being po-confronted and unfit to take – however this isn’t valid. There are numerous humorous jokes (well, humor is objective…) that will make a few people cry with giggling – or if nothing else inspire a little laugh.
Did you find out about the veggie lover fiend admirer?
He offered his spirit to seitan!
Would i be able to make you a vegetarian quip?
I guarantee it won’t be gooey.
How might you tell in the event that somebody is veggie lover?
Try not to stress. At the point when you offer them meat, they will say ‘pass’, at that point you can tenaciously ask them inquiries for what good reason, at that point you can get steamed and blame them for going on about it.
I met this lady today who said she remembered me from a veggie lover gathering, yet I’d never met herbivore.
What does a veggie lover zombie eat?
Zombie on a sea shore
“GRAIIIIIIINS!!” (Photo: Adobe. Try not to use without authorization)
Me: I had veggie lover frozen yogurt.
Them: Why do you generally need to discuss being veggie lover?
Me: I had frozen yogurt.
Them: OHMYGOD I thought you were veggie lover???
The speediest method to turn into a nutritionist? Converse with a vegetarian. All of a sudden everybody turns into a specialist on nourishment when they meet a vegetarian.
What number of veggie lovers does it take to change a light?
Two. One to transform it and one to check for creature fixings.
What number of veggie lovers does it take to change a light?
No thought. Be that as it may, where do you get your protein?
Veggie lover: Try this banana
Meat eater: Taste great
Veggie lover: It’s vegetarian
Meat eater: I thought it tasted amusing
So, the next time if you want a break, just read these 70+ Vegan Jokes You Can Relate To for a fun filled experience!
Q: Why do people kill animals?
A: Fur convenience steak.
Q: Why do vegans give good head?
A: Because they are used to eating nuts.
Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A: A meathead!
Q: Why are all lesbians vegetarian?
A: Because they don’t eat meat.
Q: Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper?
A: He sold his soul to seitan!
Q: Why did the tofu cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Q: What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?
A: We have to stop meating like this.
If two vegans are arguing,
is it still called Beef?
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don’t know, but where do you get your protein!?
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because Colonel Sanders was chasing him.
Q: Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
A: Because she was protesting for the chicken, MAN!
Q: What do you call a vegan guy who likes to pleasure himself?
A: A non-dairy creamer
Q: What do yo call a vegan post-punk band?
A: Soy Division.
Q: What do you call a fascist vegan?
A: Lactose intolerant.
Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian?
A: Poor hunter!
Q: What does a vegan zombie eat?
Q: Did you hear about the vegan Zombie?
A: He went to the insane asylum and only ate the vegetables!
Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad?
A: It hasn’t been tested on mice.
Q: What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?
A: Someone who lost their veg-inity!
Q: What kind of crackers do vegans refuse to eat?
A: Animal crackers
Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A Salad Shooter
Q: Why does the vegan never get any play?
A: Because he has really bad gas.
Can I tell you a vegan joke? I promise it won’t be cheesy.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because he saw the salad, dressing.
Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A: Are you stalking me?
Q: How do you know if someone is Vegan?
A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you within the first 2 minutes of meeting them.
Q: What do Tofu And Dildos Have In Common?
A: They’re Both Meat Substitutes!
Q: Why are vegans detrimental to the earth?
A: Because they produce immense amounts of methane.
Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!
Q: What’s the best way to keep milk fresh?
A: Leave it in the cow!
Q: What does a cannibal do after he eats a vegetable?
A: He throws away the wheelchair!
Q: What is a carnivores favorite bumper sticker?
A: “I love animals. They taste so good.”
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian!
If vegetarians eat vegetables,
what do humanitarians eat?
“Oh dear I love you.
But if you’ll beetroot to me,
I’ll beetroot to you.”
What do you call a vegan post-punk band?
– Soy Division.
“Be careful if you are eating hummus,
it is the strongest aphrodisiac known to mankind.
Ever heard of hummusexuals?”
“The standard diet of a meat-eater is blood, flesh, veins, muscles, tendons, cow secretions,hen periods and bee vomit. And once a year during a certain holiday in November, meat-eaters use the hollowed-out rectum of a dead bird as a pressure cooker for stuffing. And people think vegans are weird because we eat tofu?
– vegan bodybuilder Robert Cheeke”
What do vegan zombies say?
– Graaaaaains! Graaaaaaains!
Why did the tomato blush?
– Because he saw the salad, dressing.
What did the lettuce say to the celery?
– Are you stalking me?
Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?
– Because he couldn’t find a date!
I want to stuff you like a Tofurkey.
I’ll eat your peach if you try my zucchini.
You’re a vegan? Let me toss a salad for you.
You’re a hot chick… pea eater.
Hey baby, can I milk your soybeans?
Baby, you marinate my tempeh.
If you’re not getting enough protein, I can certainly help.
Can I tell you a pick up line? I promise it won’t be cheesy
I’m willing to give up meat — but I’d never give up you.
Yours is the only meat I will ever put in my body.
I wanna paint you green and spank you like a disobedient avocado.
Would you like some organic roasted root vegetables to go with that non-dairy fair trade shake?
I bet you could really go for a hot veggie dog right about now.
I am sure we could both reach the big O in no time. Organic that is.
My heart is certified cage-free, so my love can roam to you.
Even though I’m a vegetarian, I still need my daily dose of meat and protein.
I bought some new hemp sheets, wanna try them out?
If I give you my number will you promise to kale me?
You may be vegan, but I know you want my meat.
Can I cover you in agave nectar?
May I take your picture? It’s for the World’s Sexiest Vegan competition.
Wanna come up and see my Vitamix?
What did one vegetarian spy say to the other vegetarian spy?
– We have to stop meating like this.
Why do people kill animals?
– Fur convenience steak.
The goose talks to the priest:
“Dear Reverend, tell me the truth – is there a life after Christmas?”
Avec toutes les saloperies qu’on met dans la viande, hormones de croissance, antibiotiques etc on va tous y rester, il n’y a que les vegetariens qui vont s’en sortir, alors un conseil, si vous voulez manger de la bonne viande, mangez des vegetariens!
With all this crap they put in meat, like hormones for fast growing, antibiotics, etc… we will all go down, there’s only the vegetarians that will survive – so let me give you a good piece of advice: if you want to eat some healthy meat, eat a vegetarian!
-JeanLuc LeMoine, French humorist
Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper?
– He sold his soul to seitan!
What’s on a honeymoon salad?
– Lettuce alone with no dressin.
What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli?
– Kids don’t eat broccoli.
Mrs. Smith had cooked a halfway decent meal one night, and the old Smith had been goin’ at it with gusto. He was about halfway finished his meal when he took a good long look at the potato. He looked over at Mrs. Smith and said, “This potato is bad.” Mrs. Smith picked it up, smacked it, and put it back on his plate… then said, “If that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know.”
RELATED: 80+ Mom Jokes You Can Relate To
“McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals.
You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it?”
– comedian Jay Leno
“I will not eat anything that walks, runs, skips, hops or crawls. God knows that I’ve crawled on occasion, and I’m glad that no one ate me.”
– Alex Poulos
What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?
– Someone who lost his/her veg-inity!
Have you heard of the garlic diet?
– You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance, your friends think you look thinner.
Why did the tofu cross the road?
– To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What does a cow eat for breakfast?
– Mooooozlee, of course! (muesli)