100+ The Jerk Quotes that makes us Laugh Harder with the Humour

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The Jerk quotes
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The Jerk Quotes that makes us laugh harder with the humour. There are so many The Jerk quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these The Jerk quotes exists just do that.

Directed by Carl Reiner, The Jerk is a 1979 American humour film. The film was written by three of America’s prominent writers Steve Martin, Michael Elias and Carl Gottlieb. Released on 14th December 1979, the film almost gained $100 million worldwide. The Jerk introduces Navin R Johnson, a man in his youth who has the desire to experience the world around him. He was adopted by a white family who was very much into music. Navin finds him untalented in music but later discovers his talent in dance. On his way, he encounters a dog and takes it along with him. Until the end of the film, the dog accompanies Navin.

During the first half, a lunatic who used to be a gun wielder selects Navin as his next victim. In the meantime, he fixes the glasses of a customer by using certain extra fittings which were from his creation.  When the lunatic gun wielder targets Navin with a shot, he misses it and chases Navin from there. Navin then meets Marie which whom he fell in love later. Due to Navin’s financial insecurity, Marie soon leaves Navin. Heartbroken Navin gets a job offer from Stan Fox related to his invention in glasses.

His invention later makes him the richest of all. Rich Navin finds Marie and married her. But the film takes a diversion when Carl Reiner, a motion picture director claims that Navin’s invention led to his decreased vision. After Carl, many others also appears with the same problem, which resulted in Navin to be bankrupted. Devastated Navin leaves Marie and his dog. But the climax marks Marie arriving with the savings she had from Navin. And hence they become wealthy once again. The film concludes with a song where the family dances according to the rhythm.

The film marks one of the major comedy films of the 1970s and has won many awards till date. The unique way of expressing fun and flamboyance made the film the best in America.  The film received the title “funniest film ever made” and marked a turning point in Martin’s film career. It was ranked the 48th greatest humour film in 2002. In a witty manner, the film reflects the hurdles a common man would face and how people around changes the life completely upside down.

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We have dug up these The Jerk quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of The Jerk Sayings in a single place. These famous The Jerk quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular The Jerk quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of The Jerk quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences: –

“See that? That’s sh*t. See that? That’s Shinola.”

The Jerk best quotes

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“The new phone book’s here… I’m a somebody now.”

The Jerk popular quotes

“When I was a kid, my mom told me THAT was my special purpose…”

The Jerk famous quotes

“You Belong to Me”

The Jerk saying“He doesn’t realize he’s dealing with sophisticated people here.”

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The Jerk quotes

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“Well, if this is out there, think how much more is out there. This is the kinda music that tells me to go out there and BE somebody!”

“I rigged it.”

“He hates these cans!”

“250 big ones.”

“That’s all I need!

“Navin Johnson: Truck Driver Picking Up Navin: St. Louis? Navin R. Johnson: No, Navin Johnson.
Navin Johnson: No, Navin Johnson.”

“Madman: (aiming at Navin at the gas station) Die, gas pumper!
Madman: [aiming at Navin at the gas station] Die, gas pumper!”

“Patty Bernstein: [provocatively] You know what I wanna do?
Navin Johnson: What’s that?
Patty Bernstein: Guess *your* weight. [starts squeezing on him everywhere]
Navin Johnson: Hey, you’re really trying to be accurate!”

“Navin Johnson: Good Lord – I’ve heard about this – cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?”

“Madman: [Points to Navin’s name in the phone book] Johnson, Navin R… sounds like a typical bastard.
Madman: [points to Navin’s name in the phone book] Johnson, Navin R… sounds like a typical bastard.”

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“Navin Johnson: [Navin recites some wisdom] Lord loves a workin’ man; don’t trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.”

“Navin Johnson: For one dollar I’ll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.”

“Navin Johnson: He hates these cans!”

“Navin Johnson: You mean I’m going to stay this color??
Navin Johnson: You mean I’m going to stay this color?”

“Navin Johnson: Stan Fox: Damn these glasses. Navin R. Johnson: Yes, sir. [to the glasses] Navin R. Johnson: I damn thee.”

“Navin Johnson: That Patty must be a sweet girl.”

“Navin Johnson: First I get my name in the phone book and now I’m on your ass. You know, I’ll bet more people see that than the phone book.”

“Navin Johnson: The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!”

“Navin Johnson: Theses cans are defective!”

“Navin Johnson: Speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.
Navin Johnson: [speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.”

“Navin Johnson: I was born a poor black child.”

“Good luck. The Lord loves a working man, don’t trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it. Bye Grandma!”

“These cans are defective!”

“The new phonebook’s here, the new phonebook’s here!”

“Marie, are you awake? Good. You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. I’m glad because there is something that has always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. I’ve never been relaxed enough around anyone to be able to say that. You give me confidence in myself. I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days and the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days and the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Anyway, I’ve decided that tomorrow, when the time is right, I’m going to ask you to marry me, if that’s o.k. with you. Just don’t say anything. (no answer) You’ve made me very happy.
For one dollar I’ll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.”

“Well I’m gonna go then. And I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything except this.”

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“And that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.”

“And I don’t need one other thing, except my dog.”

“I don’t need my dog.”

“Huh? I am not a bum. I’m a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and… uh… my thermos.
Huh? My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin’ on the porch with my family, singin’ and dancin’ down in Mississippi.”

“I’m picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in.”

“First I get my name in the phone book and now I’m on your ass. You know, I’ll bet more people see that than the phone book.”

“Good Lord — I’ve heard about this”

“Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good.”

“Father, could there be a God that would let this happen? ”

“How much do you want?”

“Watching televised “cat juggling” before making a donation to a priest.”

“Sniper: Die, you random son of a bitch.”

“Sniper: DIE, GAS PUMPER!”

“Mother: Navin, it’s your birthday, and it’s time you knew. You’re not our natural-born child.
Navin R. Johnson: You mean I’m going to stay this color??
Mother: I’d love you if you were the color of a baboon’s ass.”

“Hotel Guest: Don’t call the dog lifesaver. Call him shithead.”

“Gas Station Attendant: Boy, get to work in there!
Navin R. Johnson: But sir, I don’t even work here.
Gas Station Attendant: Not even for $1.10 an hour?”

“Harry Hartounian: Boy, I wish I could get that excited about nothing.
Navin R. Johnson: Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73 – Johnson, Navin R.! I’m somebody now! Millions of people look at this book every day! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity – your name in print – that makes people. I’m in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.”

“[Stan Fox’s glasses keep slipping off]
Stan Fox: Damn these glasses.
Navin R. Johnson: Yes, sir.
[to the glasses]
Navin R. Johnson: I damn thee.”

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“Navin R. Johnson: Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?
Marie Kimble Johnson: Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
Navin R. Johnson: What was it?
Marie Kimble Johnson: “The Way We Were.”

“Navin R. Johnson: Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?
Marie Kimble Johnson: Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
Navin R. Johnson: What was it?
Marie Kimble Johnson: “The Way We Were.”

“Navin R. Johnson: I’m gonna bounce back and when I do I’m gonna buy you a diamond so big it’s gonna make you puke.
Marie Kimble Johnson: I don’t wanna puke.”

“Navin R. Johnson:Things are gonna start happening to me now.
[Crazy guy with gun scrolls through a phone book]
Sniper: Johnson, Navin R… Sounds like a typical bastard.”

“[a sniper keeps missing Navin and hitting cans of motor oil]
Navin R. Johnson: He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans.”

“[Navin works as a weight guesser in a circus. One night a fellow circus worker, Patty the bike rider, takes him to a bike ride and then gets him to enter her trailer]”

“Navin R. Johnson: What a great place! You know, you can tell so much about a person from the way they live. Just looking around here I can tell…you’re a genuinely dirty person.
Navin R. Johnson (holding the helmet she gave him earlier): What do I do with this?
Patty Bernstein (taking the helmet and throwing it across the trailer): Oh, you keep it there.
Navin R. Johnson (holding also leftovers from a corn dog): Where’s your garbage?
Patty Bernstein (taking Navin’s corn dog and throwing it across the trailer as well): there.
Patty Bernstein (lying down on her bed): You know what I’d like to do?
Navin R. Johnson: What?
Patty Bernstein: Guess…your weight.
Navin R. Johnson: Hey, that would be interesting for me, no one has tried to guess my weight! You see, I guess their weight so it’s sort of a…
Patty Bernstein: Put your arms up.
Navin R. Johnson: This will give me a whole different perspective on this.
[Patty squeezes Navin’s backside]
Navin R. Johnson (starts getting nervous): Hey! You’re really trying to be accurate!
Navin R. Johnson: Is it getting hot in here?
[The view switch to the outside of the trailer, as we still hear their voices]
Navin R. Johnson (suddenly yelling in a mixture of shock and excitement): Wait a minute – what’s happening to my special purpose!?
Patty Bernstein (in a passionate voice): What’s your special purpose?
Navin R. Johnson (still yelling): Well, when I was a kid my mom told me… there goes my special purpose! And someday I’d find out what my special purpose was!
Patty Bernstein: Today’s the day!
Navin R. Johnson: (moaning as we see the whole trailer shakes from the outside): Hey, this is like a ride!
[Patty laughts in wicked voice]”

“[On the porch of Navin’s old house]
He was a poor black sharecropper’s son who never dreamed he was adopted.
From rags to riches… to rags.Grandmother (reading a letter Navie sent his family): My dear family, guess what. Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish my whole family could have been here with me. Maybe some other time as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I’ll be able to send some more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin. (she stops reading) And he’s got the kisses here.
Father: That Patty must be a sweet girl.
Mother: God bless her.
[Navin’s reply when asked during a TV interview to describe himself, after newly becoming a wealthy inventor…He turns to the camera smirks and raises one eyebrow as only Steve Martin can…]
Navin: Navin R Johnson is a complex individual”

“He was a poor black sharecropper’s son who never dreamed he was adopted.”

“From rags to riches… to rags.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
For one dollar I’ll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
Well I’m gonna to go then. And I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything except this”

“Navin R. Johnson:
and that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.”

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“Mother:
Navin, I’d love you if you were the color of a baboon’s ass.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
I was born a poor black child.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
Huh? I am not a bum. I’m a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and… uh… my thermos. Huh? My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin’ on the porch with my family, singin’ and dancin’ down in Mississippi.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
Lord loves a workin’ man; don’t trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
The new phone book’s here. The new phone book’s here. This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need. My name in print. That really makes somebody. Things are going to start happening to me now.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.”

“Mother:
Navin, it’s your birthday, and it’s time you knew. You’re not our natural-born child.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
I’m not? You mean I’m gonna STAY this color?”

“Stan Fox:
Damn these glasses.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
Yes, sir.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
I damn ”

“Navin R. Johnson:
Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?”

“Marie:
Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
What was it?”

“Marie:
“The Way We Were.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
First I get my name in the phone book and now I’m on your ass. You know, I’ll bet more people see that than the phone book.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. And I’m glad, because there’s something I want to say that’s always been very difficult for me to say.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
“I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.” There. I’ve never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
I’m gonna bounce back and when I do I’m gonna buy you a diamond so big it’s gonna make you puke.”

“Marie:
I don’t wanna puke.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
Good things are gonna start happening to me now.”

“Sniper:
Navin R. Johnson… Sounds like a typical asshole.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
Now be totally honest. You do have a boyfriend don’t you.
Marie:
Kind of”

“Navin R. Johnson:
I know this is our first date but do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend you could think of me?”

“Marie:
Well I haven’t made love to him yet.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
That’s to bad. Do you think its possible that someday could make love with me and think of him.”

“Marie:
Who knows maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
I’d be happy to be in there somewhere.”

“New Accounts Bank Manager:
I will need two pieces of identification.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
ah yes. I have my temporary driver’s license – and – my astronaut application form… I didn’t pass that though, I failed everything but the date of birth.”

“Marie:
I don’t care about losing all the money. It’s losing all the stuff.”

“Sniper:
Die, you random son of a bitch.”

“Navin R. Johnson:
Good Lord – I’ve heard about this – cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?”

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