Do you long to be the most interesting grandiose joke in the room? Remember these 80+ Smart Jokes for an over the top spotlight!
An evaluation teacher was approaching understudies what their folks accomplished professionally. “Tim, you be first,” she said. “What does your mom do throughout the day?” Tim stood up and gladly stated, “She’s a specialist.”
“That is awesome. You should, Amie?”
Amie timidly stood up, scraped her feet and stated, “My dad is a postal worker.”
“Much obliged to you, Amie,” said the instructor. “Shouldn’t something be said about your dad, Billy?”
Billy gladly stood up and declared, “My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.”
The instructor was startled and quickly changed the subject to geology. Soon thereafter she went to Billy’s home and rang the ringer. Billy’s dad addressed the entryway. The educator clarified what his child had said and inquired as to whether there may be some legitimate clarification.
Billy’s dad stated, “I’m really a lawyer. However, how might I clarify a thing like that to a seven-year-old?”
Spongebob Secret of Secrets
Well there’s no mystery that the best thing about insider facts is subtly confessing to somebody your mystery, in this way adding another mystery to your mystery accumulation of mysteries, furtively.
Articulate it please!
Two visitors were passing through Louisiana. As they were drawing closer Natchitoches, they began contending about the way to express the town. They contended to and fro until they halted for lunch.
As they remained at the counter, one visitor asked the “blonde” worker: “Before we request, would you be able to please settle a contention for us? Would you please articulate where we are at… SLOWLY?”
The blonde young lady hung over the counter and said…
“Burrrrrrrr, Gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing”
A rundown of “Incredible Lies Of Our Time” Some of these will be well-known to a considerable lot of you.
I’m from the administration, and I’m here to help.
There is no risk to people in general.
O God…if you get me through this, I’ll never drink again.
This’ll hurt me more than it harms you.
Obviously it’s splendidly lawful.
A portion of these oxymoronic expressions are works of art that everybody’s known about, yet we thought a great deal of them were very unique.
Great Pauly Shore Movie
Battling For Peace (isn’t this like F&%$ing for Virginity?)
Old style Accordian
Abstaining from excessive food intake and Dying
A few perceptions about diets, eating fewer carbs, and biting the dust:
The Japanese eat next to no fat and endure less coronary failures than the British or Americans.
The French eat a great deal of fat and furthermore endure less coronary failures than the British or Americans.
The Japanese beverage next to no red wine and endure less coronary failures than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink over the top measures of red wine and furthermore endure less coronary episodes than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a great deal of lagers and eat heaps of hotdogs and fats and endure less respiratory failures than the British or Americans.
Eat and drink what you like. Communicating in English is clearly what executes you.
Well, know you why we need smart jokes? Here are some more smart jokes for you to read and share!
What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?
Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
Wipes his ass.
What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Everything’s fine. He woke up.
What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
How do fish get high?
Why don’t teddy bears ever order dessert.
Because they’re always stuffed.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!
Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg?
He’s all right now.
What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because he had a great fall.
People wonder why I call my toilet “the Jim” instead of “the John.”
I do it so I can say “I go to the Jim first thing every morning.”
I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger…
And then it hit me.
I went to the bank the other day and asked the teller to check my balance.
The bitch pushed me, but I couldn’t really blame her.
What do computers snack on?
How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You’re too young to smoke.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A Juan on Juan.
What’s the tallest building in the world?
The library, cause it has the most stories.
How do trees get online?
They log in.
Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
What car does Jesus drive?
Money doesn’t grow on trees, right?
So why does every bank have so many branches?
Why did the pig leave the party early?
Because everyone thought he was a boar.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
There’s no point.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.
The police better be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
Why are barns so noisy?
Because all the cows have horns.
What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?
A waist of time.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
One says, “Spit out your gum” and the other says, “Choo choo choo.”
What did the janitor yell after he jumped out of the closet?
How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
What’s so great about being a hitman?
They all kill it.
Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck?
“You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything.”
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.
Thank goodness it was a soft drink.
What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
If April showers bring May flowers, what comes next in June?
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He’s now a seasoned veteran.
I hate Russian dolls…so full of themselves.
A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.”
I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.
What’s the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1,000 people.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”
“This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.”
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, “Weeeeeooooouuuhhhh.” The next whale says, “Shut up, Steve. You’re drunk.”
What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s only got little legs.
What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
Wanna hear a joke about Potassium? Whether they say ‘yes’ or ‘no’: K.
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*.
A baby seal walks into a club.
My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you up.
It takes a lot of balls to golf like me.
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.
There’s no “I” in Denial.
Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.
Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
Two penguins walk into a bar… which is stupid because the second one should have seen it.
I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets… then it hit me.
Have I told you this deja vu joke before?
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be…
I didn’t know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus.
“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.