80+ Sexist Jokes That You Can Think and Laugh!

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funny sexist jokes

What is so special about jokes? Is it the freshness that it brings or the perils of laughter that it sets in or the very fact that it eases out our stress in no time? Well, the answer is everything? Jokes are a great escape strategy from a complex world we live. Especially these Sexist Jokes are even more hilarious enough to make you laugh for days together!

Keeping in view of the buzz caused by New Age Jokes, we have compiled 60+ Sexist Jokes That You Can You think and Laugh at any time! What’s more they even tickle your funny bones for miles together!

Here is your gateway for 80+ Sexist Jokes!

Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, since it doesn’t give you a chance to complete a sentence before making a proposal.

As a plane is going to crash, a female traveler bounces up hysterically and declares, “In case I’m going to kick the bucket, I need to bite the dust feeling like a lady.” She takes off the entirety of her garments and asks, “Is there somebody on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a lady?” A man stands up, takes off his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”

A young lady was taking golf exercises and had quite recently begun playing her initially round of golf when she endured a honey bee sting. Her torment was extreme to such an extent that she chose to come back to the clubhouse for medicinal help. The golf genius saw her heading back and stated, “You are back ahead of schedule, what’s up?” “I was stung by a honey bee!” she said. “Where?” he inquired. “Between the first and second gap.” she answered. He gestured and stated, “Your position is awfully wide.”

A man is lying on the sea shore, wearing only a top over his groin. A lady passing by comments, “On the off chance that you were any kind of a courteous fellow, you would lift your cap to a woman.” He answers, “On the off chance that you were any kind of an attractive woman, the cap would lift independent from anyone else.”

So, the next time if you come across such situation, just read these 80+ Sexist Jokes and feel the difference!

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because like all men, they won’t stop to ask directions.

Line of eggs with different facial expressions

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Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.

famous sexist jokes

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

funny sexist jokes

PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.

popular sexist jokes

What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.

sexist jokes

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Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: “We better get some support before someone thinks we’re nuts!”

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, “If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady.” He replies, “If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself.”

Girl: “Girls are better than boys.”
Boy: “Then why did God make boys first?”
Girl: “Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy.”

A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”

How did the medical community come up with the term “PMS”? “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?” She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she’s finished, the tough, hairy biker says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…”

For all the guys who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.

A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”

There’s a new drug for lesbians on the market to cure depression, it’s called Trycoxagain.

Q: When can women make you a millionaire?
A: When you’re a billionaire.

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How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. “Hello there and what is your name?” “Hello,” giggles the woman, “I’m Stacey. What’s yours?” “I’m Jim.” “Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?” “Sure!” replies Jim. “Let’s go!” At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey’s desk and asks, “Is this your brother?” “No, it isn’t, Jim!” Stacey giggles. “Is it your husband?” Stacey giggles even more, “No, silly!” “Then, it must be your boyfriend!” Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim’s ear. She says, “No, silly!” “Then, who is it?” Stacey replies, “That’s me before my operation!”

A man driving a car hits a woman. Whose fault is it? The man’s. Why was he driving in the kitchen?

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, “Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?” She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes.” Eventually the lady asks, “Aren’t you gonna bite them?” He replies, “No, it’s too expensive.”

Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn’t be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we’d have a bunch of jealous countries that aren’t talking to each other.

Three ladies were on a bus stop bench. One of the ladies looks at the other and asks her if she is Native American, She says, “Yes, I’m Arapaho.” “Is that so?” says the first, “It just happens that I’m a Navajo.” The third lady looks at both of them and says, “I’m a Dallas hoe.”

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, “Because they are considered of lesser status.” Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, “What has changed?” The guide answered, “Land mines.”

What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. It’s called a wedding cake.

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, “I’m a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional.” The second guy says, “I’m a DINK. You know, double income, no kids.” The third guy says, “I’m a RUB. You know, rich urban biker.” They turn to the woman and ask, “So what are you?” The woman replies, “I’m a WIFE. You know – Wash, Iron, F***, Etc.”

When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.

Men have two emotions, hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

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How do you fix a woman’s watch? You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

If women aren’t supposed to be in the kitchen, then why do they have milk and eggs inside them?!

Officer: “Madam, swimming is prohibited in this lake.”
Lady: “Why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?”
Officer: “Well, that’s not prohibited.”

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Q: What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat’s remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, “I have a dead p*ssy.” The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, “Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common.”

One day three women went for a job interview. The man interviewing them posed all three the same question. What would you do if you found an extra €50 in on your paycheck that you shouldn’t have received? The first one said, “I’d give it back as it wasn’t mine and I wasn’t entitled to it.” When he asked the second one she replied, “I’d give it to Charity.” When he asked the third one, she was more honest and she said, “I’d keep it for myself and go out for a drink.” Which one of the three women got the job? The one with the biggest tits!

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

Three women were trapped on an island. They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, “I will grant you ladies three wishes.” The first woman said, “Turn me into a fish” and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, “Give me a boat” and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, “Turn me into a man” and she walked across the bridge.

Q: Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
A: Because they found out by dragging them by their legs that their hole would fill up with mud.

Jane: “Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?”
Jill: “They already have boyfriends.”

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Doris is sitting in a bar and says to her friend that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. The bartender tells her, “Hey, you don’t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.” Doris asks, “How do I do it without surgery?” “Just rub toilet paper between them.” Fascinated, Doris says, “How does that make them bigger?” “I don’t know, but it sure worked for your ass!”

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I don’t know, it has never happened.

They say that married men live the longest. It’s ironic, since they’re the ones most willing to die.

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller.

What is a man’s ultimate shame? When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!

How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”

Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don’t stop and ask for directions.

I have received hundreds of replies to my ad for a husband. They all say the same thing – “Take mine.”

I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond? My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a movie when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. Since I took a split second, she had to go to the mall and buy new outfits with jewelry, shoes, and purses to match.

Q: What’s the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A: About fifty pounds.

Q: Why is a woman with no breasts a pirate’s delight?
A: Because she has a sunken chest.

How do you get a dishwasher to dig a hole? Give the woman a shovel!

Little Johnny’s teacher gives the class a homework assignment, “Explain the difference between a theory and reality.” Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can’t come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks for a bit and replies, “Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suck a guys dick. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me.” Johnny says, “Okay,” and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, “Maybe, if I like him.” “Would you do it for a million dollars?” She replies, “Hell yes!” He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions. Her first reply was “Eeeew, no!” but the second answer was “Yeah, sure.” Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, “There you go.” Johnny asks, “What do you mean?” The father says, “Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two cocksuckers.”

What is the mating call of a blond? I’m so drunk. What is the mating call of a brunette? Is that blonde gone yet? What is ther mating call of a redhead? NEXT!

There once was a man named Sweeney.
He spilled some gin on his weenie.
That being uncouth,
He dipped it in vermouth,
And slipped his wife a dry martini.

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After I have sex, I like my woman like my mailbox. Outside my house!

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.”
The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.”
“Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay.”
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what’s wrong, the man says, “I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!”
On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”
The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, “Yeah, my wife!”

A man is only as faithful as his options.

Q: What’s the most expensive Jewish wine?
A: “I wanna go to Florida!”

What do you call a marathon if all the runners are transvestites? A drag race.

Q: What do dog poo and women have in common?
A: The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.

What do you do when your wife is staggering? Shoot her again.

What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites? Male fraud.

whats the difference between a girls argument and a knife ?
a knife has a point

God is a woman. I know this because if God was a man, He would have created the whole population female, and only one man. Then, He would have invited that male to the top of the mountain to look down at all the beautiful females. Then God would have gotten jealous and killed him.

What is the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Snowballs!!

Why are there no women on the moon? Because it doesn’t need to be cleaned

A woman had 20 children. 10 girls 10 boys, all of their names were leroy. Boys spelt Leroy girls spelt Leroigh. She met a man one day and told him how many children she had and what their names were. ” why did you name all of your children Leroy/Leroigh?” The man asked. “It’s easy to call them all together. For example Leroy/Leroigh time for bet time for supper.” The woman laughed. The man asked “how do you call them if you only need one of the children?” The woman cackled “by their last names of course!”

While on a date a women goes to the bathroom
Man: Uh… wrong way that’s the men’s room
Woman: Oh my GOD! this is so embarrassing!
Man: It’s not a big deal.
Woman: I guess not, but you know what they say, old habits die hard.
Man: ……………

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe out of that thing

How do you make your wife do anything for you?
Answer: Take away her Credit Card

Husband’s call to his wife:
“Honey it’s me. I don’t want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious internal injury. However I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot.”
Wife’s Response:
“Who the f… is Paula?”
And if you find that hard to believe, you’ve never been married.

these 5 girls are going to the prom, 1 girl says my boyfriend has brown hair so i will wear a brown dress the 2 girl says my boyfriend has blonde hair so i will wear a blonde dress third girl says my boyfriend has ginger hair so i will wear a ginger dress 4 girl my boyfriend has multi-coloured hair so i will wear a multi-coloured dress last girl says my boy friend has no hair

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