100+ Randal Graves Quotes From Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back That Will Teach You To Be Humble

Randal Graves popular quotes

Randal Graves quotes that will teach you to be humble. There are so many Randal Graves quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Randal Graves quotes exists just do that.

Randal Graves works as a clerk at RST Video. Randal Graves is an example of a slacker, and he works at a dead-end job and also has no respect for his customers. Randal Graves closes the store for chatting with Dante Hicks. Randal Graves also believes that his title dictates behaviour, and Randal Graves does whatever he wants. He is the Deuteragonist of Clerks and also Clerks II and is a supporting character in the movie, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

In Clerks, Randal Graves had made his very first appearance for being late for work, hanging out with Dante and neglecting the customers. During this conversation, Randal Graves had revealed that his high school girlfriend named, Caitlin Bree, with whom Randal Graves was having conversations with is engaged to get married. Randal Graves then insults a mother and her baby. Randal Graves then closes the video store to talk with Dante about the contractors on the second Death Star when it had been destroyed in Return of the Jedi. Randal Graves then opens the store again only to close it again after he gets an annoying customer.

We have dug up these Randal Graves quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of Randal Graves Sayings in a single place. These famous Randal Graves quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular Randal Graves quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of Randal Graves quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences:

“Remind me to renew that restraining order.

Randal Graves famous quotes

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“See? I told you that restraining order was a good idea.”

Randal Graves popular quotes

“See? If you were funnier than that, ABC wouldn’t have cancelled us.”

Randal Graves quotes

“Well, if we were gay, that’s certainly the way I’d see it.”

Randal Graves saying

“Because I’m going to blast that flick on the internet tonight.”

Randal Graves best quotes

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“The ending of “Return of the Jedi”.

“My mom’s been fuckin’ a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.”

“Embolism in a pool.”

“That’s nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.”

“He broke his neck.”

“He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick!”

“[talking about the second Death Star] A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I’ll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers.”

“Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they’d hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms.”

“All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed – casualties of a war they had nothing to do with.”

“All right, look-you’re a roofer, and some juicy government contract comes your way; you got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia – this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn’t ask for that. You have no personal politics. You’re just trying to scrape out a living.”

“So, your argument is that title dictates behavior?”

“So, I’m no more responsible for my decisions here than, say, a Death Squad soldier in Bosnia?”

“Yeah, not yet.”

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“Two reasons. One, I hate it when people can’t shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines.”

“And two, to prove a point. Title does not dictate behavior.”

“If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn’t be allowed to spit water at that guy. But I did. So, my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Even though I work in a video store, I choose to go rent movies at Big Choice. Agreed?”

“I like to think I’m a master of my own destiny.”

“You know I’m your hero.”

“You know who I can do without? I can do without the people in the video store.”

“All of them.”

“They never rent quality flicks. They always pick the most intellectually devoid movies on the racks.”

“It’s like in order to join, they have to have an I.Q. less than their shoe size.”

“People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl “Mom.”

“Oh, my God.”

“That girl was vile to you.”

“Your mother?”

“Chess team Alan Harris?”

“That’s frightening.”

“In light of this lurid tale, I don’t even see how you can romanticize your relationship with Caitlin. She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles.”

“Hey, you know, you and I have something in common – we both eat Chinese.”

“I was up here the whole time.”

“Nobody, I swear!”

“You just fucked a total stranger?”

“She said she did all the work.”

“Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement.”

“Annoying customer.”

“Hey, Caitlin’s in the back. You might want to check on her. She’s been back there a long time.”

“I told her that, she said she didn’t need any. Why don’t you go join her, make a little bathroom bam bam?”

“Which did you like better? “Jedi” or “The Empire Strikes Back”?”

“Duh duh… duh duh… duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh… Salsa shark! We’re gonna need a bigger boat! Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa. Shark’s in the salsa. Our shark.”

“Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.”

“Hey, I like to expand my horizons.”

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“Children’s programming.”

“There’s no lights back there.”

“Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night.”

“Nobody can figure it out. The boss doesn’t wanna pay the electrician to fix it, ’cause the electrician owes money to the video store.”

“And I’m caught in the middle – torn between my loyalty for the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.”

“Oh, hey Caitlin, break his heart again this time, and I’ll kill ya. Nothing personal.”

“Territoriality. He was mine first.”

“I dunno. Like… ten, or ten after.”

“Yeah, to talk to you.”

“Oh, it’s not like I’m miles away!”

“Hermaphrodites! I rented it so we could watch it together.”

“Buncha savages in this town.”

“Design major.”

“Do you know what I just watched?”

“Return of the Jedi.”

“Shut the fuck up, junkie!”

“Some guy just came in refusing to pay late fees. Said the video store was closed for two hours yesterday. So, I tore up his membership.”

“Hey, I’m a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.”

“What’d your mom say when you told her you weren’t engaged anymore?”

“Wow, you got thrown out for Dante?”

“Ooh, can I watch?”

“Can I join in?”

“Hey, few are.”

“You’re kidding? It’s almost 11:30.”

“Man, I hate it when I can’t rent videos!”

“Really, which one?”

“You came for that, too? That’s the movie I came for.”

“It ain’t going to happen, my friend. I’m getting that movie.”

“I’ll bet you 20 bucks you don’t get to rent that tape.”

“Fine, just let me borrow your car.”

“What’s that for?”

“I work in a shitty video store! I wanna go to a good video store so I can get a good movie!”

“You’re closed.”

“He’s blunt, but he’s got a point.”

“He’s right, as if we’re suddenly gonna have a run on Gatorade.”

“All right, but you’re missing out. Chicks with dicks!”

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“You’re so repressed.”

“This has gotta be the weirdest thing you’ve ever been called in on.”


“[after Dante finds out the boss is in Vermont] Jesus, that seems to be the late motif in your life – ever backing down.”

“You *always* back down! You come in on your day off, you assume responsibility that isn’t yours – you buckle like a belt.”

“The fact that I’m right about your buckling?”

“Because you buckled.”

“Aw, don’t yell at me, pal.”

“See? There you go again.”

“[reading a magazine] You know how much money the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?”

“He’s the guy that cleans up the nudie booths after each guy jerks off.”

“Yeah, nudie booth. You’ve never been in a nudie booth?”

“Oh man, it’s great. You go into this booth and there’s this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.”

“Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you’d like to see chicks do. I mean, these chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening on their body – *any* opening.”

“The jizz-mopper’s job is to clean it up after each guy shoots a load, ’cause practically everybody does it right on the window. I don’t know if you know this or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don’t clean it right away.”

“Well, if you thinks that’s offensive, check this out!”

“I think you can see her kidneys!”

“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.”

“Look who you’re asking, here.”

“Bunch of savages in this town.”

“Maybe that Asian design major slipped her some opium.”

“No time for love, Doctor Jones!”


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