100+ Old People Jokes That Are Damn Hilarious

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funny old people jokes

Jokes are a kingdom on their own! When you hear the very word Joke, you automatically get excited and the adrenaline rush in you gets higher or better sometimes! But on their other hand, have you heard about Old People Jokes that can leave you in splits in no time?

Well, such is the concept of Old People Jokes! They are not only lame but at the same time, they have the capacity to invoke great humor sense in you and amongst everyone! Here are the much awaited 100+ Old People Jokes that are damn hilarious!

Ready to go?

Ever consider this one? For what reason is it acknowledged to poke fun at elderly individuals? Is it accurate to say that it isn’t bigotry? The noticeable, answer is, that a similar way no one gets offended when individuals make jokes in their own general public, since they clearly don’t intend to be awful or harmful,, with regards to kids about oldies, which we as a whole would like to be one day, clearly no one way to debase. So please revel in our amusing gathering of elderly individual’s jokes.

Boasting About Son Joke

Three old women are lounging around a table playing extension and gloating about their children. “My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everybody ought to be so fortunate to have a child like my Freddie. When seven days he presents to me a colossal bundle of roses, he’s always bringing me out to eateries to eat, in the event that I to such an extent as clue that I need something the following morning it’s on my doorstep.” “That is extremely pleasant about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. “In any case, with all due regard, when I consider the manner in which my Sammy deals with me, it can’t come close. Each morning when I wake up he welcomes me with bacon and naturally blended espresso. Each lunch he comes over and prepares me a gourmet lunch, and each dinner he carries me to his home for dinner, he really treats me like a sovereign.” “WELL!” Says Barbara “I would prefer not to make any of you feel awful or anything, however hold up until you catch wind of my Harry, two times every week he pays somebody $200 an hour to make sure he can lie on their love seat and converse with them, and who do you ponder at those costs? Asks Barbara with a major energized twofold jaw grin, “I’ll reveal to you who he talks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME!”

Joke about Getting Older

“Sugar why not plunk somewhere near the table and we’ll begin dinner.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. “Definitely,” said her better half settling himself down. “Presently dear, would you like the soup first or the plate of mixed greens?” Questioned Dorothy. “Umm I surmise I’ll take the soup.” He reacted. After an entire feast of one charming term after another, their visitor Bob couldn’t contain his interest any more. Bounce snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy do you generally converse with your better half like that?” “Weave, I’ll be straightforward with you,” Dorothy answered. “It’s been five years now, I can’t recollect his name, and I am simply too humiliated to even consider asking him!”

So sit back! And enjoy these 100+ Old People Jokes That Are Damn Hilarious!

Q: How can you avoid getting wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

best old people jokes

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Enjoy your birthday, you’re not extinct yet!

famous old people jokes

Q: How can you speed up the heart rate of your 60+-year-old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

funny old people jokes

“The secret of longevity is to keep breathing.”

old people jokes

Q: Why should 60+ people use valet parking?
A: The valet won’t forget where he parked your car.

popular old people jokes

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Q: No, seriously. How can I get rid of these crow’s feet and all the wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It usually pulls them out

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they browse an antique store?
A: I remember these.

Q: Where can a man over 60 find a younger, good looking woman who is interested in him?
A: Try the bookstore under fiction.

Q: Do people sleep more soundly as they get older?
A: Yes, but it’s usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should old people look for glasses?
A: On their forehead.

You know your old when the last birthday cake light is lit the first candle has worn out.

I’m youthful on a basic level. Somewhat more seasoned in different spots.

“At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual.”
“I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.”

“At my age flowers scare me.”

“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She burried three husbands and two of them were just napping.”

Might you live to be old to the point that your driving scares individuals.

Age is only a number that decides how upbeat, appealing, and capable you are.

I adore asking children what they need to be the point at which they grow up on the grounds that despite everything i’m searching for thoughts.

When somebody said “10 years back”, despite everything you think about the mid 90s.

At the point when my mom was 90 she took out a memorial service arrangement with Age Concern. She has determined that she need cremation. The letter of affirmation offered her ‘a warm welcome’.

In 63 now, however that is only 17 Celsius.

“He is alive, but only in the sense that he can’t be legally buried.”

“A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.”

“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.”

“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”

“I do wish I could tell you my age but it’s impossible. It keeps changing all the time.”

“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”

“Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.”

“I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”

“When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.” George Burns

“I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.”

Everyone my age is getting so old.

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“Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.”

“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt.”

“I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in it’s holder is a thrill.”

I know how to make my wife drive all the more painstakingly: I advised her that on the off chance that she has a mishap, the daily papers would print her age.

You know old when your ears are furry than your head. Your companion supplement you on your crocodile shoes yet you’re not wearing any shoes. Besides, your blood classification is suspended.

You’re just youthful once, however you can be juvenile for eternity.

They didn’t show history when you were at school, clearly, in light of the fact that history hadn’t been imagined in those days.

We spend the initial twelve months of our youngsters’ lives showing them to walk and talk and the following twelve instructing them to take a seat and quiets down.

You know you’re getting old when you need a vacation, from your vacation!

The dangerous age is anywhere between one and ninety-nine

Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old. It’s knowing that he’s married to a grandmother

You are getting older when you remember when a girl with hidden charms, hid them.

Our aim in life improves as we grow older, but it seems that we soon run out of ammunition

Some people are like plants, some go to seed with age, and others just go to pot

You have arrived at old age when all you can put your teeth into… is a glass

We are born naked, wet & hungry, then things get worse.

You’re a classic, you only get better with age!

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see, and hits it.

If you see me getting smaller, I’m leaving.

I used to jog 5 miles a day; then I found a short cut.

A wise man knows everything; a shrewd one, everybody.

A person who has a right to boast doesn’t have to.

I used to be a man of vision, before the medication cleared it up.

Just when I find the key to success, someone goes and changes all the locks.

I don’t have a solution, but I admire your problem

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

If a woman’s place is in the home, why am I always in this car?

Don’t interrupt me while I’m talking to myself.

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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

My wild oats have turned to mush.

I’ll be spontaneous when I get around to it.

I’m at that awkward age between desirability and complete senility.

I’m not old, I’m youthfully challenged.

Aged like fine wine, complex & fruity.

After fifty everything that doesn’t hurt doesn’t work!

Chaos, panic & disorder…. my work here is done.

Be kind to your kids; they’ll be choosing your nursing home.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

I don’t have hot flashes, I have power surges.

Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

You know you’re getting older when it takes you longer to get over having a good time than it took to have it!

At the point when attempting to tally the candles on his birthday cake, we were driven back by the warmth.

You’re getting older when you are on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does

Children are a comfort to us in old age, and they’ll help us reach it faster, too!

Growing older is when you really learn what the statue of limitations is all about

You’re getting older when the girl you just smiled at thinks you are one of her father’s friends

Remember when you saved up for old age? Now you just save up for April 15th

You know you’re old when you take a nap to get ready for bed.

You know you’re old when your head makes dates your body can’t keep.

You know you’re old when you use valet parking to avoid losing your car.

You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag.

The problem with getting old is that there’s just no future in it.

You just can’t win. When you get too old for pimples, you go right into wrinkles!

There are 3 things that indicate you are getting older, first there is loss of memory……. ……

The worse thing about growing old is having to listen to the advise of one’s children

Does it take you longer to rest than it did to get tired?

A nice thing about aging and losing your memory is you meet new friends every day.

A nice thing about aging is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

A nice thing about aging is there’s no such thing as a joke you’ve already heard.

A nice thing about aging is it’s already a great day when you wake up and nothing hurts.

A nice thing about aging is when you lose your glasses they’re usually close by, like on your forehead.

An Idaho man said, “At my age, by the time I find temptation, I’m too tired to give in to it.”

George Burns once said, “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”

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An aging gentleman in the hospital refused to eat a bowl of jello. He told the nurse, “I’m not going to eat anything that’s more nervous than I am.”

“I’m not saying she’s getting older, but when she lit the candles on her birthday cake, five people passed out from heat exhaustion.”

An antique dealer told me, “Age is what makes furniture worth more and people worth less.”

Grandpa said, “By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.”

Growing older is when, “You’re too old for castor oil and too young for Geritol.”

My secretary says that, “Some people grow up and spread cheer; others just grow up and spread.”

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