80+ Old Jokes Are Still Freshly Funny

0
165
popular old jokes

There’s something beguiling about these old jokes and how interesting they are that you can’t resist the urge to chuckle at. The funniness of a specific culture is inconceivably explicit to the individuals who live in it. For example, Victoria-period jokes will in general be worried about things like smokestacks, starving strays, and urchins, while old jokes, from around the tenth century or somewhere in the vicinity, will in general be both unimaginably soiled and sort of befuddling. In case you’re searching for a difference in pace from the cutting edge period of story-based parody about flat mates and float sheets, at that point investigate these extremely old jokes that are as yet clever.

Regardless of what time you lived in, or what sort of struggle you were surviving – starvation, plague, dark lung satire has consistently been there to assuage you of your misfortunes. Since the beginning of language, people have been making each other giggle. These extremely old jokes underneath may do only that, or more probable, they’ll make you moan.

Next time you have a date, put one of these old jokes in your back pocket to break out when all is good and well. All things considered: nothing’s hotter than somebody with a gratefulness for history. Like wine, these old jokes have just gotten better with age. In like manner, as much as we can imagine hearing these including jokes, we have to acquaint them with our loved ones all the time through fulfilling structures, Keeping that as a focal concern we have amassed 80+ Old Jokes Are Broadly Humorous.

These 80+ Old Jokes goes in plain view that paying little regard to how blockhead and moron these jokes sound, we can never get enough of them. Some of them are essentially superior to different people, while some are more shocking than anything you may have heard in your life. For the most part respect these 80+ Old Jokes and spread the vibe.

What’s the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.

old jokes

RELATED: 40+ Tasteless Jokes That Will Make Everyone Smile

I like my women like I like my wine, twelves Year’s old, in the bas….t, and locked up

popular old jokes

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

funny old jokes

What’s the best part about twenty eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them

famous old jokes

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

best old jokes

RELATED: 80+ Suicide Jokes That You Can Think and Laugh!

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”
She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their p…. through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers.”
The cop asks, “So what did you do about it?”
The old lady says, “I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his p…. through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!”
“That seems fair enough,” the cop says, “so what’s in the other sack?”
The old lady replies with, “Not everyone pays…”

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.
The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says ” I know we are dead but it could be much worse”.
The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

“I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, ‘You’re next.’ So I started doing the same to them at funerals, ‘You’re next.’”

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, “I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.”
The blonde thinks, “I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.”
The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.”
The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.”

RELATED: 100+ School Jokes You Will Love To Read

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: “You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I’ll let you live. If you don’t, I’ll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive.” But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: “Tell him that if he doesn’t tell me where the loot is, I’ll shoot him here and now.” Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it – if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. “What did he say?” asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: “He said, ‘You don’t have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.’”

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school and the teacher replies “are you that same person who took Jimmy?” the man replies “yes” and the teacher says “Take susie too she’s being a little b…..”

What’s the difference between an American 12 yearold and an African 12 year old? About 40 pounds.

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside there cars
Children

My Grandfather never threw anything away, bless him
He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety
Help me…

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.

What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? -There’s 20 of them.

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

whats the difference between McDonald’s and a priest
nothing… they both stick their meat in ten year old buns

So I’m banging the f… out of this s…ty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f… does an eight year old get AIDS?!” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

Whats the best thing about dead baby jokes?
they never get old

I like my couches like my I like my women… Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.

me and my friend were roasting each other she : you look like a reese’s cup me:your so old your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray

a dark joke is like a kid with cancer. it never gets old. I AM SO SORRY

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him ” Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.” The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says “Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”

Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.

Dark humor is like a child with cancer.
It never gets old.

Yo mama’s so old when she was a girl rainbows were black and white

my old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking thru a field of dead babies was… his cock

RELATED: 90+ Russian Jokes That Are So Cute!

Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says “The test results are back, and I’m sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.”. The old man says “Phew! At least it’s not cancer!”

What do McDonald’s and preist have in common? They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns.

What does McDonald’s and priest have in common they both put there meet in 10 year old buns

What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds… there’s 20 of them

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

What’s better then sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it’s your 10 year old brother

If you are going to make fun of someone make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy. Dark humor is like a kid with cancer it never gets old.

An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

if she’s old enough to bleed, she’s old enough to breed.

What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times

What’s the best part about having sex with twenty six year olds
There’s twenty of them

What’s the similarity between Catholic Priests and Mcdonalds ? They both like sticking there meat in 6 year old buns.

Your mom is so old she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.

What’s the same about “Make a Wish Program” and “Dark Jokes”?
They never get old.

I like my girls like I like my wine. 12 years old and locked in my bas….t.

if its on the clock,its old enough for the cock

What’s the best thing about 28 year olds?
There’s 20 of them

Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

There are different people who hate DARK jokes
Teachers, Old people, and the K..

I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

I like my women how i like my cigars. 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.

What’s a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest’s bas….t.

What do you call a 100-year-old frog? An old croak!

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives. condoms 99 percent effective birth controll 99 percent effective ect just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time ( only cost 20 years in jail 😉

What’s the best part about dead baby Jokes? They never get old.

Q:What’s the best thing about f…ing 28 year olds? A: There’s 20 of them

What’s the best thing about f…ing 21 year olds ?
There’s 20 of them.

What’s the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? – One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!

dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer

What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

RELATED: 50+ Programming Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

A blonde, burnette and a red-head are running from the police. They come across an old shack, with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the burnette in it. She goes, “Mew, mew.” The police say, “Oh, it’s just a bag of kittens.” Then they kick the one with the red-head. “Woof, woof.” They think, “Oh, it’s just a bag of puppies.” Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, “POtaTOES!!” And gets arrested.

What do you call a nine year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor

Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don’t know they have? Like “Blue truck dude”, “Loud dog guy”, “Nice old lady with the rose bushes”, “That s… across the street”,

Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old

bin laden promised 76 virgins to al-queda
instead there was one 76 year year old virgin

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta a way. Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was a in-pasta

What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A sandy hook survivor

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.