In a world of confusion and misunderstanding that often stresses out, we have only one recourse that will pull us out from such miseries! Wondering what is it? Very simple! They are nothing else but Jokes! The very word joke can make us forget about the world we are in and at the same time enable us to lead a happy life! But wait, have you heard about Funny Messed Up jokes? If not here is your chance!
Keeping in view of the trend and popularity associated with these jokes, we have compiled 100+ messed up That You Can relate to! Not alone that, these jokes will also leave you in a pool of laugh and joy in no time!
Ready to uncover them?
These are some genuinely messed up jokes. What’s more, in the event that you need some progressively dim diversion, look at our best dim jokes.
- How is a lady like a condom?
Both invest more energy in your wallet than on your dick.
- What was David Bowie’s last hit?
- What’s the contrast between a joke and two dicks?
You can’t take a joke.
- What do you call a hard of hearing gynecologist?
A lip peruser.
- I trust Death is a lady.
That way it will never desire me.
- What did the elephant state to the exposed man?
How would you inhale through that little thing?
- For what reason do ladies consistently engage in sexual relations with the lights off?
Since they never prefer to see a man having a decent time.
- What do you call a modest circumcision?
- What does a lady’s pussy and a cutting apparatus share practically speaking?
Miss by few inches and you’re in major trouble.
- Did you find out about the visually impaired whore?
All things considered, you got the chance to hand it to her.
- Men vacuum similarly that they have intercourse.
They simply put it in and make some clamor for 3 minutes before they breakdown on the love seat and feel that their better half ought to be extremely cheerful.
So, the next time if you want a break, just read these 100+ Messed up You Can Relate To for a fun filled experience!
How is virginity like a soap bubble?
One prick and it is gone.
What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs.
What is the best part of a blowjob?
Ten minutes of peace and quiet.
What do a pizza boy and a gyneocologist have in common?
They both smell it but they can’t eat it.
Mess up the formatting
How do you ruin a joke?
What do funeral home staff do if they mess up transporting a body?
They go back and re-herse.
Why are cookies called cookies, and bacon is called bacon, but you have to bake cookies and cook bacon?
It’s like that Parkway / Driveway mess up, all over again!
If you want to mess up some bodies knock knock joke?
I have three kids named Ctrl, Alt, and Del.
When they mess up, I hit them all at once.
What do I always mess up when telling a joke?
I hate spelling errors
You mess up 2 letters and your whole post is urined!
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What was David Bowie’s last hit?
What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks?
You can’t take a joke.
What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.
I hope Death is a woman.
That way it will never come for me.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that tiny thing?
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by few inches and you’re in deep shit.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you got to hand it to her.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What does tofu and a dildo have in common?
They’re both meat substitutes.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Why are women like KFC?
After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF File.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
I added Paul walker on Xbox…
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
How did the leper hockey game end?
There was a face off in the corner.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
Real men don’t wear pink…
They eat it.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
Why do men always give their jackets to their women when they are cold?
Who wants a blowjob from a woman who is shaking with her teeth?
What do pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
How is pubic hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex…
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
What’s does Donald Trump’s hair and a thong have in common?
They both barely cover the asshole.
I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.
She said she didn’t have time.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
Say what you want about pedophiles…
But at least they drive slow through the school zones.
What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.
What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?
What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?
What’s the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support.
What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.
Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
What’s got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon. 7_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn’t unwrapped his present.
How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver’s Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.
So I suggested to my wife that she’d look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It’s their kids who cause all the trouble.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don’t be stupid, feminists can’t change anything.
What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn’t work.
How do you kill a redneck? Wait ’till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
What’s the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.
How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.
Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.
What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.
How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.
What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.
Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.
What’s a pedophile’s favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.
How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
Girls are like blackjack… I’m trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can’t do stand up.
Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn’t.
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don’t. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
What’s 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.
A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.
What’s difference between dollars and Jews? I’d give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars.
How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.
Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.
One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life
I don’t understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he’s black and all, but I doubt he’ll shoot anyone.
What’s the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber.
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
What’s the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs.
What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them.
What’s a word that white people can call white people, but black people can’t call black people? Dad.