What is so unprecedented about jokes? Is it the freshness that it brings or the dangers of chuckling that it sets in or the very conviction that it hauls out our worry instantly? Everything considered, the reasonable response is everything? Jokes are an astounding break structure from an amazing world we live. Particularly these new age jokes are a great deal of continuously captivating enough to make you laugh for a broad timeframe together!
Keeping in setting on the buzz accomplished by New Age Jokes, we have gathered 60+ Medical Jokes That You Can You think and Laugh at whatever point! What’s more they even vitalize your brilliant bones for miles together!
Here is your gateway for 70+ Medical Jokes
Experts – A lot of us are poop froze of them. Regardless, by then request first lights upon us, and we become mindful of the manner by which that we’ll truly be less dead if we go to a genius. Alright! God reinforce their soul!
Despite what specialists do, all of a sudden, they everything considered understand how to get a horrendous rep for themselves. In any case, let’s be honest, these people are life savers. They for the most part have this completely removed up look everywhere. In like way, considering the sea of emotions they experience for the range of the day – being in a remedial office, directing people, dealing with the most frightful of life’s events, etc – it’s excellent.
So for at whatever point you visit your PCP, here are two or three rib-tickling, silly jokes that they’ll respect you for: Take a couple of moments to regard this senseless aggregate of the most flawlessly radiant strong stories the web brings to the table. In spite of whether you’re a professional, escort, steady or human associations understudy, or another person from the social confirmation control… you will expel your socks with these possessing remedial jokes.
These are really important for isolating a joke at a get-together (or at work), or basically separating for a joke to break the ice. If you work in the human associations field, you’ll respect these jokes. Fundamentally don’t consider them too really. Thusly, at whatever point on the off chance that you go over such circumstance, basically read these 70+ Medical Jokes and feel the separation!
Where can you find the gods of the medical staff?
The Nurse mythology
The medical examiner’s office was told to reduce their budget.
So they had to start cutting coroners
What was Zeus” specialty in medical school?
I’m so proud of my grandma. At 90 years old she attended medical school
She’s a cadaver.
When you don’t know if you can pay your medical bills
You have health Unsurance.
A buddy of mine in the medical profession recently lost his job for trying to sleep with a patient…
Let me tell you, being a veterinarian isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
As an employee in the health care industry, I make it a point to keep up with all the latest medical news. Just the other day I read about a man who had the entire left side of his body amputated.
After that, he was alright.
What do you call a Doctor who says they’ll never share your personal medical information with others, but does?
A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession he loves.
What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
What do you call a large aquatic mammal that guards your private medical information?
A man lied about his medical condition.
When he went to the x-ray operator, he was told that nothing is wrong with him.
Later that day someone asked him,”how did you know?”
The operator replied,”I could see right through him.”
A masochist decided to get a medical alert bracelet
It said “in case of emergency, wait 30 minutes before calling an ambulance”
Medical advances these days are absolutely crazy. They’ve found ways to activate taste buds in people who were born without the sense. Surprisingly most people don’t like it at first.
Its an acquired taste.
Mischievous medical student
A notorious student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. This time, he went to his professor, but his professor was ready for him.
Student: ‘How long can a man survive without a brain, sir? ‘
Professor: ‘I don’t know really. How old are you? ‘
GP: You have too much sugar in your diet. I recommend swapping desserts for appetisers. They’re much better for you nutritionally.
Patient: Ugh do I have to?
GP: Doctor’s hors d’oeurves.
I got a letter with my medical results today
The bad news is that i’m dyslexic, but the good news is that they found a big humor inside me.
Mission Report: Medical Joke #1
Doctor: “What’s your zodiac?”
Doctor: “What a coincidence.”
Do you know what medical condition would you be in , if you had plastic horses in your ass?
Medical joke (short)
Scientists have found the gene that makes people shy. They found it hiding behind another gene.
A fat man goes for a medical check-up.
Doctor: “If that stomach was on a woman she’d have to be pregnant”
Man: “It was, and she is”
A group of doctors were getting frustrated while discussing their failing medical practice…
…they were unfortunately running out of patience.
My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path
They let me pick which medical school I’m going to
When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important body part.
Those who said spine are doctors today. The rest of us went to flight school.
My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
In medical school, you really do learn something new every day…
…for instance, today I learned that it’s inappropriate to refer to infertile people as “seedless”.
When I die, I’m donating my body to science.
It’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.
We were about to observe our first autopsy in medical school, and my friend asked me, “What do you think it’ll be like?”
I said, “Remains to be seen.”
Question in a medical board exam – Fill the blank – “When a young female faints, you immediately feel her p – – s – ”
Those who answered PULSE are successful doctors today.
How did the medical community settle on the name for PMS?
Mad cow disease was already taken!
Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical marijuana store
I’ll call it glazed and confused
A charity puts out an appeal for medical supplies…
The charity, Concern put out an appeal for medical supplies.
Unfortunately nobody at all came forward.
The charity remained surprisingly upbeat about it, later tweeting:
There is no gauze for Concern.
During his exam, a medical student had to perform a surgery on a patient.
One of them passed.
I found a medical anomaly with fighters
The loser always has elevated levels of B-10.
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. “Before I begin,” he started, “is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? ”
A couple members of the audience raised their hands. “Ok, thank you. You may put your hands down; I needed to check the accuracy of my CT scans.”
A woman was told to send a facsimile copy of their child’s medical records to a specialist when their child fell very ill.
She didn’t deliver, the child died, turns out she was anti-fax.
What is the medical condition where your lizard can’t stand up?
You know what you call the stupidest graduate from the worst medical school in the country?
I’m going to donate my body to science, and keep my dad happy…
he always wanted me to go to medical school.
Earlier today I saw a fish in a hospital waiting room going up to people and giving them medical advice.
I said “Oi fish, stop that, what do you think you’re doing?!”
He said “Don’t worry about it, it’s ok… I’m the Sturgeon General”.
What is the one thing a medical professional and an herbalist can agree on that will fix anything?
What do you call a Medical student who finishes last in their class?
A patient came to the hospital with a burned right hand.
As the doctor took down his medical history, he asked the injured man, “Do you smoke?” “Yeah, a pack and a half a day,” said the patient. Concerned, the doctor told him, “You should consider quitting.” “No, it’s OK,” said the patient. “I smoke with me left hand “.
What’s the medical term for a chill pill?
I’m in favour of a bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medical marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words,
I’m for joint support for joint support for joint support.
Sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia is the medical term for brain freeze.
A quick way you can get this is by eating an ice cream…
or by trying to say the medical term for brain freeze.
I have a medical condition where I’m allergic to only one type of pasta
It’s called macaroni and sneeze
An engineering professor is ranting to his class one day
He says “I hate when engineering students call themselves ‘engineers’, you don’t hear medical students calling themselves ‘doctors’, or art students calling themselves ‘unemployed’
There’s an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep.
It’s called ‘coma toes’
Don’t insert citric acid into your body without medical supervision
you could get LemonAIDS
If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment…
there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.
Some religious people believe that serious illnesses such as cancer do not require medical treatment,
and can be cured by the power of prayer alone.
Sceptics may chuckle, but there is a scientific basis for this kind of thinking.
It’s called natural selection.
Medical Marijuana isn’t a new concept.
We’ve been using smoke to cure things for centuries.
Anti Vaxxers almost give correct medical advice.
They just keep putting the word don’t in front of things.
Did you hear about the psychologist who’s career was ruined by a medical condition?
She had a nut allergy
I’m not quitting sword fighting because I’m hopeless at it.
I have to quit due to medical reasons.
I keep getting this sharp, stabbing pain.
What did the Urologist shout when she made a medical breakthrough?
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: “Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
He went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic and this is what happened.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Aaagh! This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor Young: “Oh no you don’t, that’s Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!”
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so. Here’s your $1000 back.”
Dr. Young: “But this is only $500…”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it.
It only costs $10.”
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks.”
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
“Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.”
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
“Listen,” says the doc, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
“Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”
“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”
“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “You have a REALLY nice house
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things.
Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won’t forget?”
“Nonsense,” says the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream.”
“Well,” says the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it.”
“My memory’s not all that bad,” says the husband. “No problem – a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don’t need to write it down.”
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, “Hey, where’s the toast I asked for?”
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”
“I was stung by a bee!” she said.
“Where?” he asked.
“Between the first and second hole.” she replied.
He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.
“How come you are sweating?” he asks.
The parrot replies, “Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?”
A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds.
The Egyptian man says, “No, not worth it.”
The stranger says, “How about 20?”
The Egyptian man says, “No, not worth it.”
The stranger says, “How about 10?”
The Egyptian man says, “No, not worth it.”
The stranger says, “Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they’re not worth it?”
The Egyptian man says, “Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn’t.”
Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, “Give him two Viagra.”
Nurse asks, “Do you think that will help?”
Dr replies, “No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!”
New generic drug replacement for Viagra – it’s called Mycoxaflopin.
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”
“Outstanding,” Fred replied.
“They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me.”
“That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?”
Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn’t remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s it!”
He turned to his wife, “Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”
The nose drops „Big smeller” – let´s have a blow-out.
A man goes to the doctor. “Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn’t working. Is there anything else I could try?”.
“Fill out this tax form,” suggests the doctor.
“How’s that going to help me?”, asks the man.
“I’m not sure,” replies the doctor, “but some of my patients say it gives them relief.”
First man: “I follow the medical profession.”
Second man: “Are you a doctor?”
First man: “No, I’m an undertaker.”
A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal.
She says to the dentist, “darn … I’d just as soon give birth as have a root canal”.
The dentist replies, “well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in”.
A man told his doctor he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house like he used to.
When the examination was complete, he said “Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man.
“Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, “Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.”
“Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month.”
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold?
A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won’t dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
There’s a medical term for those who willingly defy Chuck Norris… organ donors.