Most staggering Stupid Jokes that are so bonehead, will make you pee your pants. Honestly, it was a stunt question, and you truly don’t have to answer since we are not stirred up, we as a whole in all things considered in with everything thought about like unbalanced jokes, drawing in explanations, and bonehead jokes.
In like manner, as much as we can imagine hearing these including jokes, we have to acquaint them with our loved ones all the time through fulfilling structures, Keeping that as a focal concern we have amassed 60+ Long Jokes Are Broadly Humorous.
Constancy is an uprightness, especially when you’re keeping things under control for the punchline of a better than average joke. At times for the duration of regular day to day existence, you’ll go over someone who needs to make you hold up several minutes until they get to the punchline. As a general rule, it’s advocated, regardless of all the issue. Choice on your favored engaging long jokes!
Most likely the best jokes are related as stories. It requires some investment to set up the punchline for these jokes, anyway the reward is fundamentally all the more laughing.
An individual demands that a youngster go to a move. She agrees, and he rents a suit. The rental has a long line, so he delays and stops, in conclusion he gets his suit. He buys sprouts, so he goes to the bloom shop. The bloom shop has a long line, so he stops and delays, until he finally buys blossoms. He snatches the youngster and they go to the move. There is a long line into the move, so they respite and interruption. Finally, they get into the move, and the individual ideas to get the youngster a refreshment. She demands punch, so he goes to the refreshment table, and there is no manner of expression.
An individual is sitting at home when he hears a pound at the door. He opens the gateway and sees a snail on the porch. He gets the snail and hurls it to the degree he can.
Following a year, there’s another pound at the portal. He opens it and sees a comparable snail. The snail says, “What was that about?”
A father passing by his kid’s room was amazed to see the bed was charmingly made and everything was snatched. By then, he saw an envelope, propped up indisputably on the cushion. It was tended to, ‘Father’. With the most observably terrible inclination, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
These 60+ Long Jokes goes in plain view that paying little regard to how blockhead and moron these jokes sound, we can never get enough of them. Some of them are essentially superior to different people, while some are more shocking than anything you may have heard in your life. For the most part respect these 60+ Long Jokes and spread the vibe.
While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.
“Don’t bother, young man,” said the customer. “It’s self-rising.”
“Oh, no!” the kangaroo groaned to her friend, the rabbit. “The forecast calls for rain.”
“What’s the problem with that?” asked the rabbit. “We could use some rain.”
“Sure,” the kangaroo said. “But that means my kids will have to play inside all day!”
Me: “Sweet dog you got there”
Policeman: “Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.”
Me: “Still in training, huh?”
Policeman: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Never mind”
A photon walks into a hotel.
The desk clerk says, “Can we help you with your luggage?”
The photon says, “No, thanks. I’m traveling light.”
A guy asks a lawyer about his fees.
“I charge $50 for three questions,” the lawyer says.
“That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?” the guy asks.
“Yes, I suppose so,” the lawyer replies. “Now what’s your final question?”
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.
“I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.
“I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home.
“I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here.”
A man walks into a library, approaches the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
The librarian says, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”
“Sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.
“Yes,” he said. “My father taught me.”
“Good. What comes after three?”
“Four,” answered the boy.
“What comes after six?”
“Very good,” said the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. And what comes after 10?”
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.
“This must be a mistake,” the man says. “I’ve been here only 20 minutes!”
“No mistake,” the doctor says. “It’s $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.”
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”
The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”
“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said.
“I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in astonishment for a while.
“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“He’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”
RELATED: 50+ Nerd Jokes You Can Relate To
A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator
to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.
“What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks.
The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?”
“Um, yes,” the man replies. “It is.”
“Well then,” the squirrel says, shutting his eyes again, “I am twying to west.”
A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.
Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.
The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two coats.”
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?”
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.
“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”
“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”
One day a man with an elephant walks into a movie theater.
“I’m afraid I can’t let your elephant in here, sir,” the manager says.
“Oh, I assure you, he’s very well behaved,” the man says.
“All right then,” the manager says. “If you’re sure. …”
After the movie, the manager says to the man, “I’m very surprised! Your elephant was well behaved, and he even seemed to enjoy the movie!”
“Yes, I was surprised, too,” says the man. “He hated the book.”
One day Max went to see Carl. Carl had a big swollen nose.
“Whoa, what happened, Carl?” Max asked.
“I sniffed a brose,” Carl replied.
“What?” Max said. “There’s no ‘b’ in rose!”
Carl replied, “There was in this one!”
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.
One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years.
Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?”
And the lady said, “Pardon?”
A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries.
“Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some.
He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.
“Wait a minute,” the boy said. “Those don’t look fat-free.”
“Sure they are,” the cook said. “We charge only for the potatoes. The fat is free!”
Two friends are walking their dogs — a Dalmatian and a Chihuahua — when they smell something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.
The guy with the Dalmatian says, “Let’s get something to eat.”
But the guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there, we have dogs with us.”
So the first guy says, “Just follow my lead.” He puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks into the restaurant.
“Sorry,” says the owner, “no pets allowed.”
“But this is my seeing-eye dog,” the guy with the Dalmatian says.
“Yes, they’re using them now.”
The owner says, “Very well, then, come on in.”
The guy with the Chihuahua repeats the process and gets the same response from the owner: “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”
“But this is my seeing-eye dog,” says the second guy.
“A Chihuahua?” asks the incredulous owner.
“A Chihuahua?!,” says the man in the dark glasses. “They gave me a Chihuahua?!”
A snail goes to buy a car. The salesman is surprised when the snail picks out a fast, expensive sports car. He’s even more surprised when the snail requires that a big red “S” be painted on both sides.
“Why would you want such a thing?” asked the salesman.
The snail replied, “I want people to say, ‘Look at that S car go!’”
Three men are in the middle of a desert when their car breaks down. For their hike to town, they each decide to take one thing with them.
One man takes a jug of water. The second man takes a sandwich. The last man takes one of the car doors.
The first man says to the last man: “I’m bringing the water because if I get thirsty, I can take a drink. And it makes sense to bring a sandwich in case we get hungry, but why bring a car door?”
The last man replies, “If I get hot, I can just roll down the window.”
A guy goes door to door looking for work. One homeowner hands him a brush and a can of paint and offers him $150 to paint his porch.
A few hours later, the guy comes back to the homeowner and says, “I’m finished. But you should know that your car’s a Ferrari, not a Porsche.”
John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, John’s grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, “Are these plates clean?”
His grandpa replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your meal.”
For lunch, Grandpa made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have specks of dried egg on it. “Are you sure these plates are clean?” he asked.
Without looking up, Grandpa said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them!”
Later, as John was leaving, his grandpa’s dog started to growl and wouldn’t let him pass.
John said, “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me get by!”
Grandpa yelled to the dog, “Cold Water, go lie down!”
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”
“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”
“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”
“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.
“I work for 7 Up!”
Really Funny Long joke about priest, doctor, and engineer were golfing
They were stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greens-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!.”
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”
Funny long joke about a new job
A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.”
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?”
The kid says “One”.
The boss says “Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”
The kid says “$165,000”.
The boss says “$165,000? What the heck did you sell?”
The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”
The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?”
The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’ ”
Long jokes about my (American) grandfather’s joke which I just shared with my (French) husband
There once was a snail named Sam who lived in a forest which had an interesting reputation; all the forest creatures would design elaborate vehicles and then race against each other every month. The snail loved to watch the races, and dreamed of participating one day.
However, everyone told the snail there was no way someone as slow as him would ever race. But, he was determined! For months, he worked and worked on building the perfect vehicle. When he was done, he painted a big “S” on the side for his name, Sam.
The day of the race finally arrived, and Sam slowly pushed his vehicle up to the starting line with all the other forest critters. Everyone was laughing so hard at him, saying there was no way he could compete with the others. Determined, Sam got in his vehicle and waited for the start.
A bird flying overhead called out the countdown. “Three… Two… One! GO!”
POOF! In a cloud of smoke, Sam had burst ahead and was already yards in front of everyone else. All the other forest critters gaped in astonishment, until a hare who had lost a previous race to a turtle yelled out, “Wow! Look at that S car go!”
Really Funny Joke about an Irish man walked into a bar
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies, well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin.
When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o’me brothers and one for me self.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”
The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains, “It’s just that my wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. But it hasn’t affected me brothers though.”
Really funny joke about a man walks into a bar…
The bartender greets him and says, “For 5 bucks, I’ll show you something amazing.”
The man agrees and hands over his 5 bucks.
The bartender pulls out a small piano and a guy who is only about a foot tall. The guy sits down and plays an amazing tune on the piano.
“Wow he’s amazing. Where did you get him!?!”
He bartender replied, “There is a genie on the corner, he’ll grant you one wish.”
The guy leaves the bar, finds the genie and says, “I want a million bucks!”
All of a sudden ducks start falling out of the sky.
The guy runs back to the bar to escape all the ducks and asks, “What’s wrong with that genie? I asked for a million bucks, and ducks started falling out of the sky!”
The bartender shakes his head and says, “He’s hard of hearing. Do you seriously think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”
Rich, Dave and Johnny are three contractors…
Rich, Dave and Johnny are three contractors who are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
Rich first takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
Dave also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
Johnny doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
Johnny whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the other guy to fix the fence for $700.”
A man walks into a bookstore at 3.00 a.m.
He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that’s locked in a glass box.
He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.
Moments later, a tall, slender man with pale skin walks up to him claiming to be the manager. He tells the man that the book is actually a sacred relic which was uncovered during an expedition of some old ruins. The manager says that the book is priced at $1000 as to purposely ward of potential buyers.
The man insistently wants to buy the book although the manager warns him otherwise. At last, the manager agrees to sell him the book, but he warns the man of a curse that will befall him if the last page of the book were to ever be opened.
The man agrees and pays the $1000 then leaves with the book.
When he got home, he decides to leave the book opened on the table of his apartment while he goes and washes up. When he is done, he sees the pages of the book turning towards the end at a fast speed, it was at that point that he realized he forgot to close the windows.
He rushed over to the book in an attempt to close it but it was too late. When the book flipped to the last page, he saw a sight that shocked him to near death
“Fixed price: $3”
A bear is walking through the woods
A bear is walking through the woods and notices a small white rabbit taking a dump.
The rabbit sees the bear, and gets a little scared – understandable, it’s a bear. The bear stops and looks at the rabbit. The rabbit looks back. Then the bear speaks –
“Hello, Mr. Rabbit!”
The rabbit, quite scared, replies “Hello, Mr. Bear”
The bear says “Tell me, Mr. Rabbit, have you ever had the problem of poop sticking to your fur?”
So the bear picks him up and wipes his ass with him.
3 guys were riding in a car; a hardware technician, a systems analyst and a programmer.
The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.
So, he pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels’ rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.
Hardware tech: “Let’s try and fix it. I’ll crawl under the car and take a look. ”
Systems analyst: “No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes.”
Programmer: “Why don’t we just get back in and see if it happens again?
Funny long jokes about an ant knocked on the door of a house.
The house owner opened the door.
“I want a place to stay,” said the ant.
“I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free” said the owner.
Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.
After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the owner, “Can you please allow this fellow ant to stay with me?”
“Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent,” said the owner.
After some days the ant brought a third ant and requested the owner to allow it to stay with them.
The owner agreed to it without asking for any rent.
This went on as the ant brought in more and more ants and the owner agreed to let them stay without any rent.
One fine day, the ant brought in the tenth ant and requested the owner to allow it to stay with them all.
The owner said, “OK, you can all stay here but now you all need to pay rent…
You are now tenants”.
Really Funny Joke about Confession
The elderly man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. “Of course, my son,” said the priest. “Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.”
“That’s a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,” said the priest. “It’s worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,” continued the old man.
“Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,” said the priest.
“Thanks, Father,” said the old man. “That’s a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?” “Of course, my son,” said the priest. The old man asked, “Do I need to tell her that the war is over?”
Really Funny Long Joke about who should be in Charge
All the organs of the body were having a meeting trying to decide who the one in charge was.
“I should be in charge,” said the brain, “Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”
“I should be in charge,” said the blood, “Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away.”
“I should be in charge,” said the stomach,” Because I process food and give all of you energy.”
“I should be in charge,” said the legs, “because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.”
“I should be in charge,” said the eyes, “Because I allow the body to see where it goes.”
“I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “Because I’m responsible for waste removal.”
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache. The stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work, the ass hole is usually in charge.
The Most Hilarious Joke about a Lady Sneezes on a Plane
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?”
“I am sorry if I disturbed you. I have a very rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.”
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. “I have never heard of that condition before” he said. “Are you taking anything for it?”
The woman nodded, “Pepper.”
Seriously Funny Jokes about the 6th-grade Science Teacher
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
A single mother wakes up from a coma after giving birth to twins…
She asks the doctor “Where are my babies? I want to see my babies!”
The doctor says “Not to worry, your babies are safe and at home with your brother. You had two healthy babies, one boy, and one girl, but unfortunately I do have some bad news.”
Immediately thinking the worst, the mother asks “Oh my God, what’s wrong?”
“Well, you were recovering for a long time,” the doctor says solemnly, “we had to give the children a name. Your brother chose them…”
Shocked, the mother asks “What did he name the girl?”
The doctor lets out a sigh and says “Denise.”
“Oh!” The mother says, “That’s a lovely name, what about the boy?”
The doctor places a hand on the mother’s shoulder, shaking his head he says…
A doctor overhears two 8 year olds on hospital beds next to each other.
The first one leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”
The second kids says, “I’m here to get my tonsils removed, I’m a little scared.”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about, I did that when I was 4. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice cream, and it’s a breeze.”
The second kid then asks, “What are you in here for?”
The first kid says, “A circumcision.”
The second kid gasps, “Woah, good luck buddy, I had that done a long time ago…”
“I couldn’t walk for a year”
A philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at Starbucks.
A philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at Starbucks.
The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says “You know, physics is just applied mathematics!”
They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. “And mathematics is just applied philosophy!”
The laughter roars even louder, and then the physicist turns to the philosopher.
“Shut the fuck up and make my coffee.”
A man runs out of petrol
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee.
“I’m out of petrol,” the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
`”Try it now,” said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
“Wow,” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my petrol tank?”
“BP,” answered the bee.
A guy enters a store and buys 30 naphthalene balls.
A guy enters a store and asks the lady at the counter for a pack of 30 naphthalene balls because he got moths in his room, the woman gives him the naphthalene balls and the man goes home.
The second day he come back and asks again for a pack of 30 naphthalene balls. The woman thinks it’s a bit odd but she doesn’t question it, maybe the man has a lot of moths, again, the man gets the pack of naphthalene and goes home.
The third day the man comes again in the same store and asks for a pack of 30 naphthalene balls. The woman very intrigued and confused asks the man: W: What in the God’s name are you doing with so much naphthalene, how many moths you can possibly have?! M: I only got one, but i can’t hit it, I’ve been trying to kill that damn thing for 3 days!
A new immigrant is learning how to date in America.
He meets a nice girl and they go on a date. At the end of the date, as he’s walking her home he asks her what he can give her as a gift for their second date. She says that it would be a nice if he gave her flowers, so before the next date he stops at the local flower shop.
At the end of the second date, as he’s walking her home, he asks her what he should give her next date as a gift. She says it would be nice if he gave her chocolates, so before the next date he stops at the local candy store.
At the end of the third date, as he’s walking her home, she trips and twists her ankle. She’s in a lot of pain, but he doesn’t show a lot of sympathy. She says “you know, it would be nice if you gave a shit,” so before the next date he stops at the local dog park.
Funny Clean Joke about Punch Line First
Years ago this radio station was having a contest about the best punch line. Everyone was calling in telling a jokes punchline first and whoever had the best punchline won a prize and got to tell their joke on the air.
So all these random punchlines where called in about the rabbi said this and the guy said that, and the blond did this until one guy called and said:
“The tapeworm sticks his head out the guy’s ass and says where my Lemon cookie is?”
The radio host immediately stops the show laughing out loud and says we got a winner and can’t wait to hear the full joke even though we already know the punchline.
So here’s the full joke:
Guy goes to the doctor and complains about stomach pains and weight loss. After running some tests the doctor tells him he has tapeworms. The guy is disgusted and what’s immediate treatment. The doctor says that there are some medications, but they have a lot of side-effects. He has his own holistic method that always works.
Tells him to go home and try this for a week and come back. 1st, take a whole apple and shove it up his ass. Right after doing that he should shove a lemon cookie up there also. The guy comes back early after 5 days and tells the doctor:
“I know you’re the one that went to medical school, but this method of yours isn’t working. The whole Apple and cookie hurt like hell and I don’t feel any better.” The doctor tells him to bend over and let him try one more time. He shoves another Apple up the guys ass and waits and waits until the
The tapeworm sticks his head out the guy’s ass and says where my Lemon cookie is?
The doctor quickly grabs the worm and pulls it out.
Clean Funny Joke about Lady at the Pub…
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. “Actually, no,” the man replies. “Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. “I’m afraid I can’t,” breathes the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
“What should I tell him?” the bartender manages to say
“Tell him,” she whispers, “there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.”
dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.” The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?” “Ah,” says the coroner, “this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.” “Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector. “Thought he was having his picture taken.
Very long joke about a horse is sitting at home, watching MTV…
He’s watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says “that looks amazing, I want to do that!”
The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. “Hi, I’d like to learn to play guitar.” Says the horse.
“Sure,” says the man on the phone. “Just come to your lesson and we’ll get you started.”
“There’s just one problem,” says the horse. “I’m a horse.”
“Not to worry,” the man says. “We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You’ll be playing like a pro in no time.”
Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.
“Hey Chicken, come over!” he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it’s pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says “hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that.”
Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. “Hi, I’d like to learn to play the drums.” Says the chicken.
“Sure,” says the man on the phone. “Just come to your lesson and we’ll get you started.”
“There’s just one problem,” says the chicken. “I’m a chicken.”
“Not to worry,” the man says. “We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You’ll be playing like a pro in no time.”
Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something’s missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they’ve been up to. Cow thinks it’s pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.
Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. “Hi, I’d like to learn to play bass guitar.” Says the cow.
“Sure,” says the man on the phone. “Just come to your lesson and we’ll get you started.”
“There’s just one problem,” says the cow. “I’m a cow.”
“Not to worry,” the man says. “We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You’ll be playing like a pro in no time.”
Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.
One day, while they’re practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says “hey, you guys are pretty good! I’m from a record label, I’d like to sign you!”
The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.
Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she’s all good, it’s just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.
Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he’s out of a job and he’s stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he’ll drink himself to death.
So the horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, “why the long face?”
Clean long jokes about distressed woman visits a healer…
“Please, you have to help me. Every day when my husband comes home from work, he beats the shit out of me. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
The healer says: “You see, in every man’s soul there is a lot of rage and violence. But as he grows older and wiser, he will learn to control his anger. My ancestors believed that all this violence is locked up behind the fah-kahb, the gate of wisdom. Well, what happens when a man’s fah-kahb breaks open? I think you know the answer. But don’t worry, I have a very strong potion that will protect you. Be warned though, it is also poisonous. Whatever you do, don’t swallow it. Just take a sip and keep it in your mouth. It will keep you safe until your husband goes to bed, then you can spit it out.”
And so he opens a drawer, gives her a little brown bottle and with another warning about never swallowing the potion, he sends her on her way.
The next day she comes back: “I can’t believe it. I tried the potion yesterday and my husband came home, gave me a kiss, made dinner, cleaned up afterwards and then poured a bath for me. I’ve never seen him so gentle and loving. You have to tell me how the potion works!”
“It just helps you shut the fah-kahb”.
My buddy Jacob is a bad driver
So Jacob got in a bad wreck. His car was totaled. The other car was totaled. He stepped out of his car and went to check on the other driver. He was fine.
Jacob said, “This is a miracle. Look at how bad our cars are and we are totally unscathed. Even still. I have this bottle of wine in my backseat which it still unbroken. This surely is a sign. We should toast”
The other man agreed, it was a sign and a toast was in order. So Jacob popped the cork and the other man took a big swig and passed the bottle back. And my buddy Jacob said, “No thanks. I’ll wait for the cops to show up first”
A man in an unhappy marriage has an attractive secretary
One day, the sexual tension between him and his secretary gets to be too much to bear, and in the middle of the work day they rush out in secret, grab a hotel, and fuck all afternoon. The sex was so good that both of them pass out. When the man wakes up, he realizes it’s 7:00 pm, and he’s late for dinner.
Realizing that his wife is going to be very angry at him and demand to know where he’s been, he decides to take his shoes and run them through the grass outside as much as he can. After his shoes get good and scuffed with grass, he drives home.
His wife, predictably, is there waiting for him, and madder than the fire of a thousand suns. His food is on the table, already cold. She is holding a frying pan, and demands to know where he was.
“Honey,” he said. “I’m not going to lie to you. I was having sex with my secretary all afternoon in a hotel. That is the unvarnished truth.”
Suspicious, his wife looks him up and down. Then she notices the grass stains on his shoes.
“You lying sack of shit,” she says. “You’ve been off playing golf, haven’t you?”
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
Clean long joke about Beer vs Ferrari
A woman asks a man – “do you drink beer?”
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3.
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00, including the tip.
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose.
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Man: What color is your Ferrari?
Two monkeys, one is lucky and the other is not…
Every day they go to a banana farm and the lucky one climbs a tree and throws the bananas to the other one. And every day, the farm owner gathers the farmers and catch the unlucky monkey and beat him.
One day, the unlucky monkey is fed up with the beating and tells the lucky monkey to wait while he climbs the tree and throw the bananas. This time, the farmers catch the lucky monkey.
The farm owner says:
Leave him, we have already beaten him many times. Get me that motherfucker on the tree this time.
Hilarious Long Jokes that will Make You Cry with Laughter
If you are looking for long jokes and want to laugh then you are in the right place. No matter how stressed you are, after reading these hilarious long jokes of the day, you will get the good laugh. However, these jokes are a little bit long but they are really hilarious joke that will make you cry with laughter. So, sit tight and start reading.
Three sports fans leave a bar…
(Insert teams A, B and C as you like. This is how I know it.)
Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they decide to cover the woman up.
The Cubs fan takes of his hat and covers her left breast. The Royals (my team) fan takes off his hat and covers her right breast. The Yankees fan takes off his hat and covers her crotch.
The police arrive. The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little book. He lifts the Cubs hat, looks underneath, sets it back down and writes in his little book. He lifts the Royals hat, looks underneath, sets it back down and writes in his little book. He the lifts the Yankees hat, looks underneath, starts to set it back down, stops, does a double-take, sets the hat back down slowly and starts to write in the little book.
The Yankees fan is upset by this. He asks, “What was that? Haven’t you seen one of those before?” The detective replies, “You misunderstand. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I see an asshole.”
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
He took out a business card, wrote ‘Revelation 3:20’ on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, ‘Genesis 3:10..’
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock.’
Genesis 3:10 reads, ‘I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.’
Funny long jokes there was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living…
There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.
He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.
He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.
Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.
He made it out, but a single person died.
Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.
He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.
When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.
After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.
The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.
And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.
Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon.
Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.
The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.
For his final meal, the man requested two bananas.
After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.
And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back.
To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.
And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.
On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal- three bananas.
“You know what? No,” said the executioner. “I’ve had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I’m not giving you a thing to eat, we’re strapping you in and doing this now.”
Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.
The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed.
The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said “Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I’m just a bad conductor.”
I own a series of vending machines
You know, in parks and stuff, you can get a coke, ginger ale, fanta, etc.
Business was going really well, so well I had to hire a guy to help. Right after I hired him though, sales plummeted.
Trying to figure out why, I went to a few of my macines. The snacks were fine, but the drinks had a weird noise coming from them, like a wailing, crying. It was disconcerting, and I didn’t blame people for not buying.
The next month was terrible. I spent thousands having techs look at the machines, switching out the cans, nothing worked. Sales plummeted more, and I didn’t have any answers.
At the end of my rope I decided to follow my new guy around as he restocked the machines. I found out every machine he would go to, he JAMMED as many cans and bottles as he could in, filling the machines to the brim. I finally found the problem.
When you squeeze coke, fanta and ginger ale in the machines so tight, of course they start crying-
They become soda pressed.
Two brothers are forced to join the military.
Both don’t want to go. The oldest brother says don’t worry I got this, we just got to make sure we don’t pass the medical exam. During the exam the oldest puts a hundred dollar bill between his butt cheeks. The doctor asks him to bent over, looks and says oh you are very sick definitely not in good shape to join the army. The older brother comes out smiling, explaining to his brother what he did. The younger brother goes into the exam room, puts a ten dollar bill between his cheeks, bents over. The doctor looks, hmmm you are fit for the army, and you passed your medical exam. The younger brother looks up, angry says why did I pass and my brother not. The doctor said well your brother’s condition was ten times worse!
He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren’t working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there’s power shortages everywhere, and everything is overheating. He mentions this to the little demon and suggests he could try to fix things. He also had a few ideas about redesigning the place to make it more efficient. The demon takes him to Lucifer, and Lucifer is enthusiastic about the whole idea and gives his permission.
A few months later God decides to visit Hell for an inspection. He is greeted by the new renovated Hell and he’s absolutely speechless! The corridors are now well lit and properly ventilated. The air conditioning is working and the thermostat is fixed. The elevators are working again. There’s no more loud noises of grinding and screeching coming from all the machinery. The lava spill has been contained. All the horrible fumes are now gone and the denizens of Hell use electric cars to travel. There’s even a monorail being constructed. The electrical grid has gone geothermal. Cell coverage was full and there was even wifi. Not only that, but several clubs were under construction and there was already a kick-ass pool with attached Jacuzzis. Some bulldozers were building a beach and a tropical-themed resort nearby. The condemned souls were enjoying their time playing sports in new gyms, walking in parks, racing with muscle cars, playing video games and doing all sorts of other activities.
God furiously works to Lucifer’s office, kicks the door open and walks in
“What the hell is going on here Luci?”
“Well we got an engineer and he fixed the place up for us”
“You can’t get engineers. Our contract clearly stipulates that all engineers belong with me in Heaven.”
“Well too bad, I’m not giving him over”
“I’ll take you to court you ungrateful bastard!”
“Ha, good luck finding a good lawyer up in your Heaven!”
Once upon a time, there was a horse named Boris.
Boris used to be a famous race horse. He’d won countless trophies, and was famous across the world.
Then, suddenly, at the peak of his career, Boris was involved in a horrible accident. Between races his private jet was hijacked and crashed, and only Boris survived. However, Boris was devastated. His friends, his family, and his colleagues had all been lost on one fell swoop.
“I’ll never race again!” he vowed.
So Boris quit his job, and found an old farmer who agreed to take him in. Old Farmer John was his name, and he loved Boris like a son.
However, the incident in Boris’ past had led him to a life of recluse. He was fearful that everything would go wrong again, and so he spent every day in the barn.
And Old Farmer John took pity on Boris, and so he decided something.
Every week, Old Farmer John would go onto the town to sell his produce. And every week, he would set aside a small amount of money for Boris.
And every week, he would buy Boris a present, in the hope that one day, he’d be reminded of the wonderful life outside the barn, and he’d be happy again.
One thing he bought Boris was a CD player.
Another was a brand new computer.
But the best thing he ever gave to Boris was this:
Ten gallons of beer.
Let me explain.
On his many trips to town, Old Farmer John would pass a pub. It was called The Fine Race Horse, and among those who drank there, it was famed for having the best beer… In the world.
But it was only a small pub, and as such it wasn’t visited by very many people, and it one day went out of business.
And when Old Farmer John heard this, he immediately got up and went into town, and spoke to the old owner. And John agreed to buy all his remaining beer.
And so, John came back from town one day, and gave Boris the beer. He’d never seen Boris so happy. It made his heart rejoice.
And for months, Boris would talk about this beer, and how it was the best gift he’d ever been given.
But one day, Old Farmer John came home with a brand new guitar. And Boris remembered the CD player he’d been given, and he remembered his favorite songs.
And BoriZ picked up the guitar, and he began to play a song.
And he was good.
And after hearing his song, John went over to Boris and said
“That was the best thing I’ve ever heard. You should go out into town and see the record company about starting a band!”
At first, Boris was hesitant. But eventually, he decided that Old Farmer John was right. He’d been his barn for so long. But now it was time for him to rise to fame again!
So he packed a few things, and grabbed his guitar and got on the next bus into town.
And on the way, he met a pig.
The pig’s name was David, and David could play the drums.
And just like Boris, David the pig was on his way into town trying to make his name as a musician.
So Boris said
“Hey, why don’t we team up and make a band, after all, we’re both animals with a talent. We could be the next big thing!”
And David agreed, and the two of them continued on into town.
At the next stop, a Hen got onto the bus. And her name was Sophie, and Sophie liked to sing.
She knew all the words to all the songs in the world.
And so, Boris the Horse and David the Pig went over to Sophie the Hen and said
“Hey, why don’t we team up and make a band, after all, we’re all animals with a talent. We could be the next big thing!”
And Sophie agreed, and the three of them went to the record store, and started their band.
And they were an instant hit. They became a worldwide phenomenon almost overnight. They scored TV deals and sponsorships, and once again Boris had reached the life of fame.
They toured with all sorts of other famous bands, appearing alongside the likes of The Rolling Stones and Electric Light Orchestra.
And then, one day, they got the biggest deal of their lives.
They got invited to go on a world tour. They would play their music in every country on earth. By the time they were done, the whole world would know their name.
And so, if they went, from one country to the next, playing their music every step of the way.
They played in every city and in every town. And the Horse, the Hen and the Pig became a household name.
And when they got back home, they knew, they had reached the peak of their careers.
And they kept touring, playing in many countries across the globe.
But one day, everything changed.
One day, before they were set to fly out for their next performance, Boris received a phone call from the hospital in his home town.
And he found out that Old Farmer John had passed away.
So he decided to head back home so could bury the man he treated like a father. So he said to Sophie and David
“You go on ahead, I’ll be with you in a day or two.”
So the pig and the hen went off in their private jet, and Boris the Horse went home to Bury Old Farmer John.
But when he got home, he was in for a shock.
He received a call from his agent, and discovered that the private jet that David and Sophie were on had exploded in a freak accident, and there were no survivors.
And Boris was struck with grief.
For the second time in his life, he had lost everyone he loved.
And he became depressed, and stumbled into his old barn, and decided to take his own life.
But then he saw something that stopped him.
Because in the old barn, was the huge tank that once contained the 10 gallons of beer.
And so, Boris decided that instead of suicide, he would have a few drinks, and would go on and turn his life around.
So Boris goes into town, and sees the pub, The Fine Race Horse, and underneath the sign on the door, he sees another sign, saying “grand re-opening.”
And Boris knows that this is where he will have his beers, and forget all his sorrows, and turn his life around.
And so Boris the Horse enters the bar. And the bartender takes a look at him, and he asks
“Why the long face?”
“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.
“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again until she does”.
That night, the husband arrives home and sees his wife in the kitchen cooking. He thinks to himself, “what a perfect opportunity to test her hearing”.
He stands in the doorway of the kitchen and promptly asks;
“What’s for dinner honey?”
No answer. He moves closer.
“What’s for dinner honey?”
Still no answer. He moves even closer.
“What’s for dinner honey?”
Still his wife doesn’t answer. He now sees how serious her hearing problem is. At this point, he is stood right next to his wife.
“What’s for dinner honey?”
“FOR THE FOURTH FUCKING TIME WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN”
Son: “Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?”
Father: “Sure son. What’s the question?”
Son: “What is Politics?”
Father: “Well, let’s take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me “Capitalism”. Your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her “Government”. We take care of your need, so let’s call you “The People”. We’ll call the maid “The Working Class” and your little brother, we can call “The Future”. Do you understand son?
Son: “I’m not really sure, dad. I’ll have to think about it.”
That night awakened by his brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: “Dad, now I think i understand what politics is.”
Father: “Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?”
Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.”
These are our top funny long jokes of the day. Hope they have made you laugh so well.