100+ Life of Brian Quotes About The Tragedy Of A Jew Turned Messiah

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Life of Brian Quotes

These Life of Brian Quotes About The Tragedy Of A Jew Turned Messiah. There are so many Life of Brian quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Life of Brian quotes exists just do that.

A religious satire is no child’s play and there is always a lot of controversy surrounding it. The case was no different all those years ago when the movie Life of Brian released. Due to the usage of Jewish and Christian faith to construct the comic sketch, several of the religious groups were up in protest which led to the movie being banned in many parts of the world. Many others did run this movie but with a tag of 18+. However, that does not take away the brilliance and finesse and the subtle laughs that this movie provided.

Life of Brian was released in the year 1979 when there was even more intolerance regarding a religious comedy. This was a British movie which involved the performance of the comic group Monty Python which consists of the likes of Graham Chapman and John Cleese. They were the writers and also the performers in the movie and did really well and got a lot of praise from all fronts. However all the controversy and protest did not affect the collections of the movie and in fact, the movie used this to its advantage and was the highest-grossing British film in the US that year.

The plot of the movie revolves around a Jewish man who is born on the same day as Jesus Christ and the comic moments begin when he is mistaken for the Messiah which he is not. A series of events captures the ordeal that he goes through in order to evade this identity crisis. Eventually, he is dead and his spirit is released with a song “Always look at the brighter side” thus ending the movie.

The critics were all praise for the performance and despite all the bans it was also received well by the audiences at the places where it was allowed to run and the ban was not imposed.

We have dug up these Life of Brian quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of Life of Brian Sayings in a single place. These famous Life of Brian quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular Life of Brian quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of Life of Brian quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences: –

“… They didn’t have their heads filled with all this Cartesian Dualism!”

Life of Brian BEST Quotes (1)

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“… There’s no more work. We’re destitute. I’m afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.”

Life of Brian FAMOUS Quotes (2)

“… here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and hopefully spark some sort of controversy.”

Life of Brian POPULAR Quotes (3)

“He’s not the Messiah—he’s a very naughty boy!”

Life of Brian Quotes

“… here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and hopefully spark some sort of controversy.”

Life of Brian SAYING

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“Shut up, you American…”
Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life monty python quotes
Image via IMDB
“…. You Americans, all you do is talk, and talk, and say ‘let me tell you something’ and ‘I just wanna say.’ Well, you’re dead now, so shut up!”

“We use only the finest baby frogs…”

“…dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.”

“My brain hurts!”
“There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”
Monty Python’s Flying Circus monty python quotes

“This is a vegetarian restaurant…”

“… We serve no meat of any kind. We’re not only proud of that, we’re smug about it.”

“Tonight, instead of discussing the existence or non-existence of God, they have decided to fight for it.”
Monty Python’s Flying Circus monty python quotes

“She’s a witch! Burn her already!”
Monty Python Witches monty python quotes

“It’s just gone eight o’clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.”
Monty Python’s Flying Circus monty python quotes

“Let me tell you something, my lad…”

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“…. When you’re walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don’t come crying to me!”

“Oh! Now we see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!”
Monty Python and the Holy Grail monty python quotes

“Apart from the sanitation…”

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“…the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”

18“It’s not pining…”

“… It’s passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet it’s maker! This is a late parrot! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!”

“Is it a boy or a girl?,” asks the new mother…

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To which the obstetrician answers: “I think it’s a bit early to start imposing roles on it, don’t you?”

“There are a great many people in the country today, who through no fault of their own, are sane.”
“Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who.”
“I’d like to complain…”

“…about people who constantly hold things up by complaining about people who complain. It’s high time something was done about it!”

“I’m glad to say we’ve got the go-ahead to lend you the money you required…”

“… We will, of course, need for security the deed to your house, the deed to your aunt’s house, of your wife’s parents’ house, and of your granny’s bungalow. And we will, in addition, need a controlling interest in the stock of your new company, unrestricted access to your private bank accounts, the deposit of your three children in our vaults as hostages, and a full legal indemnity in case of any embezzlement carried out against you by members of our staff during the normal course of their duties.”

“It’s just a flesh wound.”
“Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?”

“Brian:
Excuse me. Are you the Judean People’s Front?

Reg:
F*** off! We’re the People’s Front of Judea”

“Reg:
All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

Reg:
Oh, peace – shut up!

Reg:
There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Romans once and for all.”

“Reg:
Oh, yeah, yeah, there’s one. But otherwise, we’re solid.

Brian:
Have I got a big nose, Mum?”

“Brian?s mother:
Stop thinking about sex!

Brian:
I wasn’t!

Brian?s mother:
You’re always on about it. “Will the girls like this? Will the girls like that? Is it too big? Is it too small? ”

Brian:
I am NOT the Messiah!”

“Arthur:
I say you are Lord, and I should know. I’ve followed a few.

Reg:
If you want to join the People’s Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans.”

“Brian:
I do!

Reg:
Oh yeah, how much?

Brian:
A lot!”

“Reg:
Right, you’re in.

Wise Man #1:
We were led by a star.”

“Brian’s mother:
Led by a bottle, you mean.

Brian?s mother:
He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!

Brian:
I’m not a roman mum, I’m a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I’m kosher mum, I’m a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!”

“Brian:
I’m not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!

Brian:
What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!

Brian:
Now, f*** off!”

“Arthur:
How shall we f*** off, O Lord?

Brian:
There’s no pleasing some people.

Ex-Leper:
That’s what Jesus said.”

“Brian:
Please, please, please listen! I’ve got one or two things to say.

Brian:
Look, you’ve got it all wrong! You don’t NEED to follow ME, You don’t NEED to follow ANYBODY! You’ve got to think for your selves! You’re ALL individuals!

Brian:
You’re all different!”

“Matthias:
Look, I don’t think it should be a sin, just for saying “Jehovah”.

Jewish Official:
You’re only making it worse for yourself!”

“Matthias:
Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

Jewish Official:
I’m warning you! If you say “Jehovah” one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?”

“Jewish Official:
Was it you?

Jewish Official:
Right…”

“Jewish Official:
STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even… and I want to make this absolutely clear… even if they do say, “Jehovah. ”

Brian:
You have to be different!

Brian?s mother:
What star sign is he?”

“Wise Man #2:
Capricorn.

Brian?s mother:
Capricorn, eh? What are they like?”

“Wise Man #2:
He is the son of God, our Messiah.

Wise Man #1:
King of the Jews.

Brian?s mother:
And that’s Capricorn, is it?”

“Wise Man #3:
No, no, that’s just him.

Brian?s mother:
Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there’d be a lot of them.”

“Centurion:
You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harboring a known criminal?

Matthias:
No.

Centurion:
Crucifixion!”

“Matthias:
Oh.

Centurion:
Nasty, eh?

Matthias:
Could be worse.”

“Centurion:
What you mean “Could be worse”?

Matthias:
Well, you could be stabbed.

Centurion:
Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It’s a slow, horrible death.”

“Matthias:
Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.

Centurion:
You’re weird!

Mrs. Gregory:
Aha, what’s so special about the cheesemakers?

Gregory:
Well, obviously it’s not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.”

“Pontius Pilate:
Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!

Pontius Pilate:
So, youw fawtha was a Woman. Who was he?”

“Brian:
He was a Centurion, in the Jerusalem Garrison.

Pontius Pilate:
What was his name?

Brian:
Nottius Maximus, sir.”

“Pontius Pilate:
Centuwion, do you have anyone in your gawwison by that name?

Centurion:
No, sir.

Pontius Pilate:
Well, you seem awfully suwe, have you checked?”

“Centurion:
I think it’s a joke, sir. Sort of like… uh… Sillius Sodus, or Biggus Dickus.

Pontius Pilate:
What’s so funny about “Biggus Dickus? “”

“Centurion:
Its a joke name, sir.

Pontius Pilate:
I have a vewy good fwiend in Wome named “Biggus Dickus. “”

“Pontius Pilate:
WIGHT! THAT’S IT!

Centurion:
Oh, but sir…

Pontius Pilate:
No, no, no. I want him fighting weally, wild, wavish animals by the mowning!”

“Ex-Leper:
Alms for an ex-leper!

Centurion:
Where is Brian of Nazareth?

Brian:
You sanctimonious bastards!”

“Centurion:
I have an order for his release!

Brian:
You stupid bastards!

Stan:
Uh, I’m Brian of Nazareth.

Brian:
What?”

“Stan:
Yeah, I – I – I’m Brian of Nazareth.

Centurion:
Take him down!”

“Brian:
I’m Brian of Nazareth!

Mr. Big Nose:
I’m Brian!

Brian:
I’m Brian!

Gregory:
I’m Brian, and so’s my wife!”

“Brian:
I’m Brian of Nazareth!

Centurion:
All right. Take him away and release him.

Stan:
No, I’m only joking. I’m not really Brian. No, I’m not Brian. I was only – It was a joke. I’m only pulling your leg! It’s a joke! I’m not him! I’m just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can’t take a joke!”

“Mr. Big Nose:
I’ll get you for this, you bastard.

Parvus:
Oh, yeah?

Mr. Big Nose:
Oh, yeah. Don’t worry. I never forget a face.

Parvus:
No?”

“Mr. Big Nose:
I warned you. I’m going to punch you so hard, you Roman git!

Parvus:
Shut up, you Jewish turd!

Mr. Big Nose:
Who are you calling Jewish? I’m not Jewish! I’m a Samaritan!”

“Gregory:
A Samaritan? This is supposed to be a Jewish section.

Parvus:
It doesn’t matter! You’re all going to die in a day or two.

Gregory:
It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us. Doesn’t it, darling?

Mrs. Gregory:
Oh, rather.”

“Gregory:
Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we’re entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area.

Brian?s mother:
Er, well, um, if you’re dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don’t worry too much about the myrrh next time. All right? Heh. Thank you. Good-bye.”

“Brian?s mother:
Well, weren’t they nice? Hmm. Out of their bloody minds, but still.

Boring Prophet:
There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend’s hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O’clock.”

“Reg:
From now on you shall be called Brian that is called Brian.

Brian:
What will they do to me?”

“Ben the Prisoner:
Oh you’ll probably get away with crucifixion.

Brian:
CRUCIFIXION?

Ben the Prisoner:
Yeah, first offense.”

“Biggus Dickus:
Let me come with you, Pontiuth. I may be of thome athithtanthe if there ith a thudden crithith!

Lead Singer Crucifee:
You know, you come from nothing, you’re going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!”

“Centurion:
You are f***ing nicked, me old beauty!

Brian:
They must have just popped by!

Brian’s mother:
Popped by? SWARMED by is more like it! There’s a multitude out there!”

“Reg:
What Jesus fails to appreciate is that it’s the meek who are the problem.

Pontius Pilate:
He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she’s called? She’s called… Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks.

Stan:
Listen I’m only telling the truth. You have got a very big nose.”

“Mr. Big Nose:
Hey. Your nose is going to be three foot wide accross your face by the time I’m finished with you!

Reg:
One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning!

Wise Man #1:
Ahem!”

“Brian?s mother:
Oh!

Brian?s mother:
Who are you?

Wise Man #2:
We are three wise men.

Brian?s mother:
What?”

“Wise Man #1:
We are three wise men.

Brian?s mother:
Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o’clock in the morning? That doesn’t sound very wise to me.”

“Brian’s mother:
The who?

Brian’s mother:
There’s no Messiah in here. There’s a mess all right, but no Messiah. Now go away!””

“Matthias:
Crucifixion’s a doddle.

Centurion:
Don’t keep saying that.”

“Centurion: What’s this then? “Romanes eunt domus”? “People called Romanes, they go the ‘ouse”?
Brian: It — it says “Romans go home”.
Centurion: No it doesn’t. What’s Latin for “Roman”? Come on, come on!
Brian: “Romanus”?
Centurion: Goes like…?
Brian: “Annus”?
Centurion: Vocative plural of “annus” is…?
Brian: “Anni.”
Centurion: “Romani”. “Eunt”? What is “eunt”?
Brian: “Go”.
Centurion: Conjugate the verb “to go”.
Brian: Ire, eo, is, it, imus, itis, eunt.
Centurion: So “eunt” is…?
Brian: Third person plural, present indicative. “They go”.
Centurion: But “Romans go home” is an order, so you must use the…?
Brian: Eeeh, imperative!
Centurion: Which is…?
Brian: Uh, uhm, “ii”! “Ii”!
Centurion: How many Romans?
Brian: Aah! Plural, plural! “Ite”! “Ite”!
Centurion: “Ite”. “Domus”? Nominative? “Go home”, this is motion towards, isn’t it, boy?”
Brian: Dative! Ah! Not dative! Not the dative! Aah! Accusative, accusative! “Domum”, sir, “ad domum”.
Centurion: Except that “domus” takes the…?
Brian: The locative, sir!
Centurion: Which is…?
Brian: “Domum”!
Centurion: “Domum”. “Um”. Understand?
Brian: Yes, sir.
Centurion: Now write it out a ‘undred times.
Brian: Yes, thank you Sir, Hail Caesar.
Centurion: Hail Caesar. If it’s not done by sunrise, I’ll cut your balls off.
Brian: Finished!
Centurion: Right. Now don’t do it again.”

“Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
PFJ Member: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace? SHUT UP!”

“Stan: I want to have babies.
Reg: You want to have babies?!?!
Stan: It’s every man’s right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But … you can’t HAVE babies!
Stan: Don’t you oppress me!
Reg: I’m not oppressing you, Stan. You haven’t got a womb! Where’s the foetus gonna gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?”

“Brian: …Will you please listen? I’m not the Messiah! Do you understand? Honestly!
Woman: Only the true Messiah denies his divinity!
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right, I am the Messiah!
Crowd: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
Arthur: How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?
Brian: Oh, just go away! Leave me alone!”

“Man: Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say: some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you’re chewing on life’s gristle, don’t grumble; give a whistle, and this’ll help things turn out for the best. And… always look on the bright side of life…”

“Nisus Wettus: Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky: Ah, no. Freedom.
Nisus Wettus: What?
Mr. Cheeky: Eh, freedom for me. They said I hadn’t done anything, so I can go free and live on an island somewhere.
Nisus Wettus: Oh, oh that´s jolly good well. Off you go then.
Mr. Cheeky: No, I’m only pulling your leg, it’s crucifixion really!
Nisus Wettus: Oh, I see, very good. Well…
Mr. Cheeky: Yes I know, out the door, one cross each, line on the left.”

“Man: I think it was, “Blessed are the cheesemakers”!
Gregory’s wife: What’s so special about the cheesemakers?
Gregory: Well, obviously it’s not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturer of dairy products.”

“Reg: If you want to join the People’s Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans.Brian: I do!Reg: Oh yeah, how much?Brian: A lot!Reg: Right, you’re in.”

“Centurion: Oh, and uh…thwow him to the floow, sir?
Pontius Pilate: What?
Centurion: Thwow him to the floow again, sir?
Pontius Pilate: Oh yes, throw him to the floor, please.”

“We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally more irritating.”
“He’s not the Messiah—he’s a very naughty boy!”—
“Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis for a system of government!”

“And finally…”

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