300+ Jokes and Riddles That You Can Think and Laugh!

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popular jokes and riddles

What is so special about jokes? Is it the freshness that it brings or the perils of laughter that it sets in or the very fact that it eases out our stress in no time? Well, the answer is everything? Jokes are a great escape strategy from a complex world we live in. Especially these new-age jokes are even more hilarious enough to make you laugh for days together!

Keeping in view of the buzz caused by Jokes, we have compiled 300+ New Age Jokes and Riddles That You Can You think and Laugh at any time! What’s more, they even tickle your funny bones for miles together!

Here is your gateway for 300+ Jokes and Riddles. Sit back and enjoy reading these riddles and jokes for a chilled experience!

Here are some to stimulate your entertaining bones!

Riddle: What room do phantoms maintain a strategic distance from? The front room.

Joke: Why is Europe like a singing pan? Because it has Greece at the base.

Riddle: What do you call two witches who live together? Roommates!

Joke: What did the mitt state to the ball? Look you up some other time.

Riddle: When is a specialist generally irritated? At the point when he is out of patients.

Joke: When is it a misfortune to see a dark feline? At the point when you are a mouse.

Puzzle: Which is the main way a panther can change his spots? By moving between different spots.

Joke: Which some portion of a street does Ghost’s adoration to venture to every part of the most? The Dead End.

So, the next time if you come across such a situation, just read these 300+ Jokes and Riddles and feel the difference!

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

best jokes and riddles

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Q. What do a duck and a tricycle have in common?
A. They both have a steering wheel, except for the duck.

famous jokes and riddles

Q. What goes up when the rain comes down?
A. An umbrella!

funny jokes and riddles

Q. What sickness can fly?
A. The flu!

jokes and riddles

Q. What lies in a pram and wobbles?
A. A jelly baby!

popular jokes and riddles

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Q. What kind of place should you never take a dog?
A. To the Flea Market.

Q. What do eagles do when they coach a sports team?
A. They wing it.

Q. What do you call an angry polar bear?
A. Nothing, just run.

Q. What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
A. “I can’t control my pupils!”

Q. Why did the man go off the cliff with his truck?
A. He wanted to test his air brakes.

Q. Why is history the sweetest lesson?
A. Because it is full of dates.

Q. What do you call a potato that was crushed?
A. Squash.

Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A. “Thank you, I will never part with it.”

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world’s best mice.

Q. What do you call a person who operates an armored car?
A. A safe driver.

Q. Did you hear about the man who plugged his electric blanket into the toaster?
A. He kept popping out of bed all night!

Q. What is the biggest word in the world?
A. Smiles. There is a mile in between each S.

Q. What’s it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A. A meltdown!

Q. If a red house is made out of red brick, and a blue house is made of blue bricks what is a green house made of?
A. Glass.

Q. Why did Tigger look in the bathroom?
A. To find Pooh!

Q. Why did Patrick eat money?
A. His mum said it was his lunch money.

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. What is as light as a feather but not even the strongest man in the world can hold it for more than a few minutes?
A. Air!

Q. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A. “I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.”

Q. What letter is a part of the head?
A. I.

Q. What’s tasty but dangerous?
A. A mouse trap.

Q. What did one cliff say to the other cliff?
A. “Don’t try to bluff me.”

Q. Why did the TV go out with the heater?
A. Because he thought she was hot!

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. Pork Chop!

Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. What’s yellow and goes 50 miles per hour?
A. A banana in a washing machine.

Q. What’s the difference between a bird and a fly?
A. A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird.

Q. Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
A. Because KFC was on the other side.

Q. What did the toilet say when he was playing cards?
A. “Flush!”

Q. How do you make Lady Gaga mad?
A. Poker face!

Q. What did the tomato say to the other tomato?
A. “You go on without me, I’ll ketchup!”

Q. What kind of monkey can fly?
A. A hot air BABOON!

Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. Garbage truck!

Q. What did the calendar say to the other calendar?
A. “You want to go on a date with me?”

Q. Why was the woman so happy she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months?
A. The box said 2-4 years!

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
A. “Dam!”

Q. What did the bee say to the naughty bee?
A. “Bee-hive yourself!”

Q. What did the little light bulb say to its mum?
A. “I wuv you watts and watts!”

Q. Paul is six feet tall. He is an assistant in a butcher shop. He wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?
A. Meat.

Q. How do you throw a tent?
A. You pitch it!

Q. Why didn’t Batman and Robin go fishing?
A. Because Robin ate all the the worms.

Q. As I get older, I become shorter. What am I?
A. A pencil!

Q. Where do famous dragons go after they retire?
A. The hall of flame!

Q. What is a snake’s favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. You are dreaming. A monster comes up to you and takes you away. He puts you in an oven and turns it on. Any moment he will be eating you. What should you do?
A. Pinch yourself.

Q. What did the ghost say to his wife?
A. “You look so BOOtiful.”

Q. What gate can’t you enter?
A. Colgate!

Q. Why did Goofy take a ladder to school?
A. Because he wanted to get to high school.

Q. Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?
A. Because they are always stuffed.

Q. Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A. Fo’drizzle!

Q. What does a cow grow on its face?
A. A MOOstache.

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. Because it was the chicken’s day off!

Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. To get to the MOOvies.

Q. How did Burger King propose to his girlfriend?
A. With an onion ring.

Q. Why did the girl jump up and down before taking her medicine?
A. Because the label said: Shake well before using!

Q. Why did the fish make such a good musician?
A. He knew his scales.

Q. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A. A buccaneer (A buck an ear)

Q. Ike went through the town casuing havoc and he was on the news and in the newspaper. What is Ike?
A. A hurricane!

Q. 30 people are in a room, no way in, no way out. Don’t ask me how they got in. Someone counted and they got 34-heads. How is that possible?
A. 30 foreheads!

Q. What is black, white and red?
A. A panda with a rash!

Q. If you’re on a plane and one of the engines breaks, how far will the other one take you?
A. All the way to the scene of the crash.

Q. What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
A. One is a cat copy, the other is a copy cat.

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. CELL phones.

Q. Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
A. Because their feet stink.

Q. What has two heads and runs faster the longer it stands?
A. An hourglass.

Q. What’s black and white and can climb trees?
A. A panda.

Q. If a man was born in Spain, raised in Russia, grew old in Greece and died in America, what is he?
A. Dead.

Q. If you have three 7 foot long ropes, how many feet do you have?
A. You have two feet!

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Q. Why don’t they play cards in Africa?
A. There are too many Cheetahs!

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he kept seeing spots.

Q. What is the only question you can never answer honestly with a yes?
A. “Are you asleep?”

Q. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
A. Open TOAD sandals.

Q. What do polar bears like to snack on?
A. Eskimo thighs.

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. Why did the surfer wear a baseball mitt?
A. He wanted to catch a wave.

Q. Why do cows wear bells?
A. Because their horns don’t work!

Q. What does a frog eat with his hamburger?
A. French Flies!

Q. What did the scientist say to the hydrogen atom that claimed it lost an electron?
A. “Are you positive?”

Q. Why did the fish tell excuses?
A. To get off the hook!

Q. Why did the orange get stuck up the on the mountain?
A. Because he ran out of juice.

Q. How did the man build up his flea collar business?
A. He started from scratch.

Q. What is red when you go and green when you stop?
A. A watermelon.

Q. What is Barbie’s favorite state?
A. KENtucky!

Q. What kind of car does a cow drive?
A. A CATTLEac.

Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!

Q. What place has the most cows?
A. Moo York. (New York)

Q. Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
A. She wanted to be a movie star.

Q. What kind of fish goes great with peanut butter?
A. Jellyfish.

Q. Why was 10 afraid of 9?
A. Because 9 8 7!

Q. What’s the difference between a dirty dime and a clean nickel?
A. 5 cents.

Q. I have 7 children half of them are boys, what is the other half?
A. They were all boys.

Q. What kind of murderer has fibre?
A. A cereal killer.

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth hurty!

Q. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A. “Me ow!”

Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. Mouse organs.

Q. What fish can help you build a house?
A. A hammerhead shark.

Q. What did Cinderella wear to the beach?
A. Glass flippers.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
A. He was annoyed with the HOLE business.

Q. One cow is talking to another cow and looks away for 10 seconds and the other cow is gone. Where is the other cow?
A. Over the moon!

Q. What garden has the most vegetables?
A. Flash garden!

Q. What should you do when you see a green alien?
A. Wait until it’s ripe!

Q. What has no lid, key, or hinge yet golden treasure is hid inside?
A. An egg!

Q. How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of your car?
A. Have him sit in front with you.

Q. Are you a triangle?
A. ‘Cause you sure are acute! 😉

Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the riverbank.

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?!

Q. Why did the bank robber take a bath?
A. So he could make a clean getaway.

Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.

Q. What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
A. He got a little behind in his work!

Q. Why didn’t the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn’t want anything to slip his mind.

Q. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he had no guts.

Q. What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
A. Lost.

Q. What kind of music does a mountain like?
A. Rock music!

Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!

Q. What did the red sock say to the white sock?
A. “Let’s play ball.”

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A. B.

Q. What do you call a door that is cute?
A. ADOORable!

Q. What did the bee say when he returned to the hive?
A. “Honey, I’m home!”

Q. How do you communicate with a fish?
A. Drop it a line.

Q. Why did the coach go to the bank?
A. To get his quarterback.

Q. Who do you call when you break your toe?
A. The toe truck!

Q. What 10 letter word starts with gas?
A. An A-U-T-O-M-O-B-I-L-E.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the possums how it’s done.

Q. Which is the loudest vowel?
A. The letter I. It is always in the midst of noise

Q. Why did the student drown?
A. All her grades were below C-level!

Q. What is a dog that sneezes?
A. Achoowawa!

Q. In a green house lives a green man and in the pink house lives a pink man. Who lives in the white house?
A. The president.

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. Did you hear the joke about the egg that rolled in front of a truck?
A. Most people find they crack up!

Q. What is a volcano?
A. A mountain with hiccups!

Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.

Q. Why did the elephant paint his fingernails red?
A. So he could hide in a bowl of cherries.

Q. What is a volcano?
A. A mountain with heartburn!

Q. What do you call a smart pig?
A. CunningHAM!

Q. Where does a bunny go if you give it a pair of socks?
A. A sock hop.

Q. What dog loves to take a shower?
A. A shamPOODLE.

Q. What is a TV’s favorite thing to do at the the beach?
A. Channel surf.

Q. How much is the moon worth?
A. One dollar, because it has four quarters.

Q. Why do mathematicians like airlines?
A. They use Pi-lots.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

Q. What’s black when you get it, red when you use it and white when you’re finished?
A. Charcoal.

Q. Why did the TV go out with the heater?
A. Because he thought she was hot!

Q. Which bet can’t be won?
A. Alphabet.

Q. What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
A. He got a little behind in his work!

Q. Why didn’t the moon finish his meal?
A. It was full.

Q. What is green and sings?
A. Elvis Parsley.

Q. What kind of music does a mountain like?
A. Rock music!

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. What do you get when you cross a skeleton with a genie?
A. A wish bone!

Q. Why did the newspaper blush?
A. Because he saw the comic strip.

Q. How do you get 6 donkeys into a fire engine?
A. Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going, “He-haw, he-haw!”

Q. What did the cow say to the other cow?
A. “MOOve over!”

Q. What did the fish say to the chip?
A. “We were made for each other.”

Q. Why did the crab cross the road?
A. To get to the other the tide.

Q. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A. A pencil.

Q. What do you say to Simba when he’s moving too slow?
A. Mufasa!

Q. What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school?
A. Bison!

Q. What is a volcano?
A. A mountain with hiccups!

Q. What gets smaller as it gets higher?
A. An airplane!

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
A. Art.

Q. Do sharks like to act in movies?
A. Only if they get the big, juicy parts.

Q. What is grey, has a tail and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on a vacation.

Q. What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A. Alphabet.

Q. Which state has the smallest soft drinks?
A. Mini-Soda!

Q. Think of the person who lives in disguise, who deals in secrets and tells nothing but lies.
Next tell me what’s always last to mend the middle of middle and end of the end.
And finally give me the sound often heard during the search for a hard to find word.
Now string them all together and answer me this:
What creature would you be unwilling to kiss?
A. A spider.

Q. What gate can’t you enter?
A. Colgate!

Q. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A. A synonym roll.

Q. What did the iPhone say to the other iPhone?
A. “It is nice to text you.”

Q. Why he did the book want to work with the police?
A. Because he wanted to work under cover.

Q. What kind of car does a cow drive?
A. A CATTLEac.

Q. Why did the cookie cry?
A. Because his mother was a wafer too long!

Q. What loses its head every day and gets it back every night?
A. A pillow.

Q. What question can a person ask all day long, getting a different answer each time, yet all the answers are correct?
A. What time is it?

Q. What is a parrot’s favorite food on the 4th of July?
A. Fire crackers!

Q. What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?
A. In kindergarden.

Q. What’s new at the zoo?
A. A gnu!

Q. If athletes get athletes foot then what do astronauts get?
A. Missle-toe.

Q. What runs but never walks?
A. Water.

Q. How does a bee get to school?
A. On a bzz!

Q. What part of a fish weighs the most?
A. Its scales.

Q. What do they serve for lunch at karate camp?
A. Kung Food!

Q. Why don’t ducks get letters?
A. Because they already have bills!

Q. Where won’t you find a dog shopping?
A. At the flea market!

Q. What is an army man’s favorite month?
A. March!

Q. How do you know if a vampire has a sore throat?
A. You can hear him coughin’.

Q. Why did the mushroom have so many friends?
A. Because he was a fungi!

Q. What can you catch but never throw?
A. A cold.

Q. Why are cooks cruel?
A. Because they whip cream and beat eggs!!

Q. What is the smartest city in America?
A. Alabama because it has four A’s and one B!

Q. What do you call a reptile that sings?
A. A RAPtile!

Q. What has a never ending life cycle?
A. Laundry.

Q. Where do bees go after they are married?
A. On their HONEY-moon!

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A. A cloud!

Q. How do you make cool music?
A. Put your CD’s in the fridge.

Q. What letter is a vegetable?
A. P.

Q. Why did the girl bring a ruler to bed with her?
A. She wanted to see how long she slept.

Q. Where do you get draggin’ milk?
A. From a cow with short legs.

Q. Where do trees store their valuables?
A. In their trunk!

Q. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. What did the vampire say to his wife?
A. “Your neck looks slimmer.”

Q. What’s big, grey and has red spots?
A. An elephant with chicken pox!

Q. What do birds get when they are ill?
A. TWEETment.

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Q. What do you get if you throw butter?
A. A butterfly!

Q. Which is the best month for a parade?
A. March.

Q. The more you take of these, the more you leave behind. What are they?
A. Footsteps!

Q. What’s the difference between a dirty dime and a clean nickel?
A. 5 cents.

Q. Why is the letter T like an island?
A. Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q. There is a horse tied to a rope five yards long. Ten yards away there is hay. The horse is eating the hay, how did he get there?
A. The rope isn’t tied to anything.

Q. What is a cow’s favourite drink?
A. MOO Juice.

Q. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
A. Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q. Why did the duck cross the road?
A. Because it thought it was a chicken.

Q. What did the cannibal say after he ate a clown?
A. “That tasted funny!”

Q. How can a rose ride a bike?
A. It uses its petals!

Q. What letter is a European bird?
A. J.

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A zebra with the chicken pox.

Q. If you know me you will want to share me, but if you share me I will be gone. What am I?
A. A secret.

Q. What do you get when you cross a star and a gun?
A. A shooting star!

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. What football team makes the most money?
A. The Buck-aneers.

Q. Ike went through the town casuing havoc and he was on the news and in the newspaper. What is Ike?
A. A hurricane!

Q. Hit me hard and I will crack but you’ll never stop me from staring back. What am I?
A. A mirror!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes!

Q. There was a little moron and a big moron sitting on the edge of a bridge. The big moron fell off but the little one didn’t, how come?
A. He was a little more on!

Q. What’s brown and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. A monkey wearing a denim jacket!

Q. Which letter of the alphabet has the most people in it?
A. Q (queue).

Q. Why is it against the law for a man living in Victoria to be buried in New South Wales?
A. Because he’s still alive!

Q. Why didn’t the Joker cross the road?
A. Batman was on the other side.

Q. What did the paper cowboy say to the pencil cowboy?
A. “Draw.”

Q. Why didn’t the lobster share his plankton with his dad?
A. Because he was a little shellfish!

Q. What do you call a 100-year-old ant?
A. ANT-ique.

Q. What do bananas do when they get a sunburn?
A. They peel.

Q. How do you make an octopus laugh?
A. Ten Tickles (Tentacles)!

Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. He over swept.

Q. What has a forest with no trees, lakes without water, roads with no cars and deserts with no sand?
A. A map!

Q. What did the fish say to the other fish?
A. “(O)(o)(O)(o)(O)” (Hello)

Q. Why did the bee feel cold?
A. Because it is in the middle of A and C.

Q. It is greater than God and more evil than devil. The poor have it. The rich need it and if you eat it you’ll die. What is it?
A. Nothing!

Q. What is black and white and read all over?
A. A newspaper.

Q. What’s black and white and red all over?
A. A sunburned zebra!

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. Because he wanted to see his flat mate!

Q. What do ghosts like for dessert?
A. BOOberry pie!

Q. What is a snake’s favourite subject?
A. HISStory!

Q. What has to be broken before you can use it?
A. An egg.

Q. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?
A. Nothing, they just waved!

Q. If the red house is in the left and the blue house is on the right, where is the white house ?
A. Washington DC.

Q. What did the paint give the wall on their first anniversary?
A. A new coat.

Q. Where can you find a 3 foot ruler?
A. At a yard sale.

Q. Why was the little bird punished?
A. It was caught peeping in school.

Q. Where will you find the biggest rope in the world?
A. In EuROPE!

Q. What kind of murderer has fibre?
A. A cereal killer.

Q. When does 10 + 3 = 1?
A. On the clock.

Q. How do you attach a duck to the wall?
A. With Duck tape!

Q. What did the plate say to the other plate?
A. “Food’s on me tonight!”

Q. Why is the ocean always grumpy?
A. You’d be grumpy too if you had crabs on your bottom!

Q. Which letter of the alphabet keeps us waiting?
A. Q. (queue)

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Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests!

Q. Why isn’t your nose 12 inches long?
A. Because it would be a foot.

Q. What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?
A. A clock.

Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. “You crack me up!”

Q. How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A. Rock-it.

Q. What goes around and around but never gets dizzy?
A. Earth.

Q. What bird is always sad?
A. A blue-bird.

Q. What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!

Q. Why is the ice rink so cold?
A. There are a lot of fans there.

Q. What do you call a door that is cute?
A. ADOORable!

Q. What kind of birds always stay together?
A. Velcrows.

Q. What did the dragon say after laying 50 eggs?
A. “I’m EGGShausted!”

Q. What do miners put on their face at night?
A. Coal cream.

Q. What’s a cat’s favourite magazine?
A. A CAT-alogue.

Q. What runs but has no legs?
A. A nose!

Q. If you have three 7 foot long ropes, how many feet do you have?
A. You have two feet!

Q. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
A. To stay in shape!

Q. What has four legs, stands and is helpful to people?
A. A table!

Q. What starts and ends with an O and has hi in the middle?
A. Ohio!

Q. If you say it you break it. What is it?
A. Silence.

Q. Where do horses go when they are sick?
A. HORSEpital.

Q. What gets broken without being held?
A. A promise.

Q. What 4 letters scare a thief?
A. O I C U (Oh…I see you.)

Q. Why did the banana factory shut down?
A. Because they chucked out all the bent ones!

Q. Why did the firefighter put his belt on?
A. To hold his pants up!

Q. You have a candle, a stove, and a fireplace and a match. Which one would you light first?
A. The match!

Q. What has the fur of a cat, the whiskers of a cat, ears of a car, a tail of a cat, but is not a cat?
A. A kitten.

Q. What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
A. Rap!

Q. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?
A. He had no body to dance with!

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?
A. To find Pluto.

Q. I have 7 children half of them are boys, what is the other half?
A. They were all boys.

Q. What’s it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A. A meltdown!

Q. What type of house weighs the least?
A. A lighthouse.

Q. Why did the Smartie go to school?
A. Because he wanted to be smarter.

Q. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin?
A. Noise!

Q. Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
A. Because it was a chili dog!

Q. What did the student say to the math worksheet?
A. I’m not a therapist, solve your own problems!

Q. What has four eyes but can’t see?
A. Mississippi.

Q. Why did the baby chick cross the road?
A. It was take-your-child-to-work day.

Q. What do you call an overweight E.T.?
A. Extra Cholesterol!

Q. Why was the dog sitting next to the fire?
A. He was a hotdog!

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. “Are you my mommy?”

Q. What is the smartest city in America?
A. Alabama because it has four A’s and one B!

Q. I’m at the beginning of eternity and the end of time and space. I’m at the beginning of every end and the end of every place. What am I?
A. The letter E!

Q. What do you get if you throw butter?
A. A butterfly!

Q. What do you call a square that’s been in an accident?
A. A WRECKtangle.

Q. What kind of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
A. Any dog, skyscrapers can’t jump.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bird, a car, and a dog?
A. A flying carpet.

Q. Why wouldn’t the oyster give up her pearl?
A. She was shellfish [selfish].

Q. There are 10 cats in a boat. One cat jumped out of the boat. How many cats were left?
A. None, they were all copycats.

Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. “I’ve got a lot of problems.”

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. Why don’t penguins live in Britain?
A. Because they’re scared of Wales!

Q. Why was the pencil crying?
A. Because he was POINTLESS!

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. What would we do if we found bad plants spoiling our lawn?
A. We’d weed.

Q. What do dogs and trees have in common?
A. Bark.

Q. What does a triceratops sit on?
A. It’s tricera-bottom!

Q. A cowboy rode into town on Friday, stayed for 3 days and left on Friday. How did he do it?
A. His horse’s name was Friday.

Q. What has the fur of a cat, the whiskers of a cat, ears of a car, a tail of a cat, but is not a cat?
A. A kitten.

Q. What did Sergeant Peanut Butter shout to his jelly police officers?
A. “Spread out, men!”

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side.

Q. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he had no guts.

Q. What happened to the frog’s car when it got stuck?
A. It had to get TOAD away.

Q. What is green and hangs off trees?
A. Giraffe snot.

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. CELL phones.

Q. What do clothes and airplanes have in common?
A. Hangers!

Q. Why did the rope go to the doctor?
A. It had a knot in its stomach.

Q. What can fill up the the room but takes no space?
A. Light.

Q. What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A. A sourpuss.

Q. There are 10 cats in a boat. One cat jumped out of the boat. How many cats were left?
A. None, they were all copycats.

Q. Why did the coach go to the bank?
A. To get his quarterback.

Q. What did one coffin say to the other coffin?
A. “Is that you coughin’?”

Q. What did the dressing say to the refrigerator?
A. “Shut the door I am dressing!”

Q. Why did the baseball player get arrested?
A. Because he was caught stealing second base!

Q. Why did the doofus climb the glass wall?
A. So he could see what was on the other side.

Q. Which mountain has never been climbed?
A. Mountain Dew!

Q. How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
A. Poker Face!

Q. What did the vampire say to his wife?
A. “Your neck looks slimmer.”

Q. Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they are flying?
A. Because they just might quack up.

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. “Are you my mommy?”

Q. Why didn’t the moon finish his meal?
A. It was full.

Q. What do a duck and a tricycle have in common?
A. They both have a steering wheel, except for the duck.

Q. What do you call a rabbit with the sniffles?
A. A runny bunny.

Q. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
A. Reality.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?
A. To find Pluto.

Q. What’s a cat’s favourite magazine?
A. A CAT-alogue.

Q. What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a giraffe?
A. A seven metre long toothbrush!

Q. How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
A. She used steel wool!

Q. What is the easiest way to be on TV?
A. Sit on it!

Q. What happened to the bed bugs who fell in love?
A. They got married in the spring.

Q. What starts and ends with an O and has hi in the middle?
A. Ohio!

Q. What do you get when you cross a magician with a camera?
A. Hocus Focus!

Q. What runs but never walks?
A. Water.

Q. Where does a penguin go to visit his aunt?
A. ANT-arctica!

Q. What has two back bones and 1000 ribs?
A. A railroad.

Q. Which month has 28 days?
A. All of them, of course!

Q. Why did the boy study on an airplane?
A. He wanted to get a higher education.

Q. What do you call a dead person in the closet?
A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.

Q. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A. A walk.

Q. What’s red and mushy and is found between sharks teeth?
A. Slow swimmers.

Q. Why was the woman so happy she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months?
A. The box said 2-4 years!

Q. What do you need if you see a kangaroo 20 miles away?
A. I don’t know, but you sure don’t need glasses.

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. To get to the other NEIGH-bourhood.

RELATED: 80+ Blonde Jokes That Are So Cute!

Q. What type of house weighs the least?
A. A lighthouse.

Q. What’s a cow’s favourite drink?
A. LeMOOnade.

Q. If you are running in a race and you just passed the guy in second place what place are you in?
A. You are in second place!

Q. Say milk five times really fast. Now, what do cows drink?
A. Water.

Q. What happened to the shark when he ate too many keys?
A. He turned into the Lock-ness monster.

Q. What’s yesterday’s tomorrow?
A. Today!

Q. What did the frog order at the burger place?
A. French flies and a diet croak.

Q. Why did the firefighter put his belt on?
A. To hold his pants up!

Q. What seven letters did the robber say when he saw nothing in the safe?
A. “O I C U R M T!”

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-AID!

Q. Why was the ghost on the cheerleading squad?
A. It wanted to add a little team spirit.

Q. What kind of animals do clocks have?
A. Ticks.

Q. What’s black and white and red all over?
A. A sunburned zebra!

Q. Where do crayons go on vacation?
A. COLORado!

Q. What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?
A. Fang mail.

Q. What’s tasty but dangerous?
A. A mouse trap.

Q. A rabbit hops by IHOP. He looks at the sign. What does he say?
A. “Big deal, so do I.”

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. What is served on a table with gatherings of two or four, and is white and round?
A. A ping pong ball.

Q. Why did the silly electrician jump over the clock?
A. So he could get some overtime!

Q. What do you call a break up between a boy and a girl banana?
A. A banana split.

Q. What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
A. “I lava you!”

Q. What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A. A milkshake!

Q. Mary’s mum had three children. One was called April, the second was May. What was the name of the last one?
A. Mary!

Q. What do you call an Italian cow that likes coffee?
A. De-calf.

Q. What do you call a super hero who has lost his powers?
A. A super-zero.

Q. What money do dogs and cats have?
A. Kitty cash and doggy dollars.

Q. Why did the tightrope walker visit the bank?
A. He wanted to get his balance!

Q. There’s this guy and he’s jogging. Well, he turns left, jogs some, turns left, jogs some, and turns left again. When he gets home there are 2 masked men waiting. Who are the masked men?
A. The Umpire and the Back Catcher!

Q. What game do tornados play?
A. Twister.

Q. Why was the computer late to work?
A. He had a hard-drive.

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. What is a cow’s favourite movie?
A. Moo-lan.

Q. What is the laziest mountain in the world?
A. Mount Ever-rest!

Q. Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?
A. Because they are always stuffed.

Q. Where is the best place to leave a dog when you go to a ball game?
A. In the barking lot.

Q. What did the witch have for snack?
A. A sandwich.

Q. Why did the oak tree have to eat his ice cream in a dish?
A. The pine tree wouldn’t give him a cone!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECK!

Q. The peak on my house is going east and west and slopes North and South. A rooster is on the peak and lays an egg, which way did the egg roll?
A. Roosters don’t lay eggs

Q. I have four wings but I never fly, I never laugh and never cry. On the same spot I’m always found, toiling away with a squeaking sound. I turn but my body doesn’t move. What am I?
A. A windmill that needs oiling.

Q. What can run, play and move around yet it cannot breath?
A. A CD or DVD!

Q. What smells like red paint but is blue?
A. Blue paint.

Q. What does the pink panther do with his camera?
A. He takes PINKtures!

Q. Where do oak trees come from?
A. OAKlahoma.

Q. Why did the kid put his head into the piano?
A. He wanted to play by ear.

Q. What is a snowman’s favorite food?
A. Ice Krispy treats.

Q. What runs but has no legs?
A. A nose!

Q. What day has day in it but isn’t Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, or Saturday?
A. Today!

Q. What kind of bagel can fly?
A. A plain bagel.

Q. Why was the calculator sad?
A. Because it had too many problems to solve!

Q. What animal should you not play cards with?
A. A Cheetah!

Q. How do you keep someone in suspense?
A. I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In a snowbank.

Q. What is a 3 letter word that gets bigger when you add 3 letters?
A. Big!

Q. Why don’t football players get hot?
A. Because of all their fans!

Q. Why did the cat sit on the computer?
A. To keep an eye on the mouse.

Q. What gate can’t you enter?
A. Colgate!

Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, because the Empire State Building can’t jump!

Q. Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A. Fo’drizzle!

Q. What has a thousand legs, a long neck but no head?
A. A broom.

Q. What can you put in a freezer that’s hot and will always come out hot?
A. Hot sauce.

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth hurty!

Q. What is in fingers, toolboxes and snails?
A. Nails!

Q. Why did the bee get married?
A. Because she found her honey.

Q. Where do you send a soldier with a toothache?
A. To the drill sergeant!

Q. What does Dracula say when he doesn’t have good news?
A. “I have BAT news, everyone!”

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What can you throw but not catch?
A. A fit!

Q. What gets smaller as it gets higher?
A. An airplane!

Q. What do you call a smart pig?
A. CunningHAM!

Q. If a rooster laid a white egg and a brown egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
A. None. Roosters don’t lay eggs.

Q. What time does a duck wake up?
A. At the QUACK of dawn.

Q. How many letters are in the alphabet?
A. 11, T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Q. What did the running ketchup said to the walking ketchup?
A. “Catch up!”

Q. What is a balloon’s least favorite kind of music?
A. Pop!

Q. Why couldn’t the astronaut land on the moon?
A. Because it was full.

Q. What do birds get when they are ill?
A. TWEETment.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A. To get to the other slide.

Q. What’s bigger when it’s upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they are always a little short!

Q. Why didn’t the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. What’s the best thing about elevator jokes?
A. They work on so many levels.

Q. What does a cloud wear under it’s raincoat?
A. Thunderwear!

Q. What type of queue do dolls like best?
A. A BBQ.

Q. What bird can write?
A. PENguin!

Q. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?
A. Anyone he can gobble up!

Q. Why couldn’t the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mouse.

Q. Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A. Because she thought it was a high school.

Q. Where do sheep get their hair cut?
A. At the bah bah shop.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dino and a dog?
A. A dog a sore!

Q. What way are the letter A and noon alike?
A. Both of them are in the middle of the day.

Q. What is the only question you can never answer honestly with a yes?
A. “Are you asleep?”

Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
A. Jurassic Pork.

Q. What is a TV’s favorite thing to do at the the beach?
A. Channel surf.

Q. What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A. A lawn MEOW-er!

Q. What movie tells the tale of a pizza maker bitten by an arachnid?
A. Spi-dough Man.

Q. If chickens get up when the rooster crows, when do ducks get up?
A. At the quack of dawn!

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
A. “Dam!”

Q. What kind of fish goes great with peanut butter?
A. Jellyfish.

Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.

Q. What room can’t ghosts go in?
A. The LIVING room!

Q. Four men are in a boat and fall in the water. Not a single man gets wet. How is this possible?
A. All of them were married!

Q. What’s the difference between a dog and a flea?
A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea can’t have dogs.

Q. What state can you drink?
A. Mississippi!

Q. Why did the rope go to the doctor?
A. It had a knot in its stomach.

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. A zebra with the chicken pox.

Q. If you’re on a plane and one of the engines breaks, how far will the other one take you?
A. All the way to the scene of the crash.

Q. It is greater than God and more evil than devil. The poor have it. The rich need it and if you eat it you’ll die. What is it?
A. Nothing!

Q. What is Santa’s favorite snack?
A. Ho, hos!

Q. Three ladies are under a small umbrella. None of them got wet. How did they do it?
A. It wasn’t raining!

Q. What do you call an angry polar bear?
A. Nothing, just run.

Q. What happens when you throw a purple rock into a yellow stream?
A. It makes a splash.

Q. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A. A tutor!

Q. What did the sun say to the sheep and the cloud?
A. “Whoa, are y’all related?”

Q. Why did the banana go to the doctor’s office?
A. Because he wasn’t peeling well!

Q. What is a snowman’s favorite food?
A. Ice Krispy treats.

Q. Which letter comes once in a minute, twice in a millennium but never in thousand years?
A. The letter M.

Q. What is a parrot’s favorite food on the 4th of July?
A. Fire crackers!

Q. Why doesn’t the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!

Q. What begins and ends with e but only has one letter?
A. An envelope.

Q. Why did the leprechaun cross the road?
A. To get to the pot of gold.

Q. Which pillar is not used in a building?
A. A caterpillar.

Q. Why did the doofus climb the glass wall?
A. So he could see what was on the other side.

Q. Where do pencils come from?
A. Pennsylvania.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?
A. To find Pluto.

Q. Do you want to hear a construction joke?
A. Sorry I’m still working on it!

Q. What is a ghost’s favorite fruit?
A. BOOberries.

Q. What did the red sock say to the white sock?
A. “Let’s play ball.”

Q. What is the most musical part of your body?
A. Your nose, you can blow it and pick it.

Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!

Q. Why was the ant confused?
A. Because all of his uncles were ants!

Q. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A. A rocker spaniel.

Q. Why didn’t Batman and Robin go fishing?
A. Because Robin ate all the the worms.

Q. What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a
four leaf clover?
A. A rash of good luck!

Q. Why did the dog stay out of the sun?
A. So he wouldn’t be a hotdog.

Q. How was the snow globe feeling?
A. A little shaken!

Q. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
A. He was annoyed with the HOLE business.

Q. How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
A. Poker Face!

Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. “You crack me up!”

Q. Why was the girl staring at the juice box?
A. Because it said: “Concentrate.”

Q. What is a balloon’s least favorite kind of music?
A. Pop!

Q. What part of a fish weighs the most?
A. Its scales.

Q. What did the pig put on his rash?
A. OINKment!

Q. Where do bees go after they are married?
A. On their HONEY-moon!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea. (No eye deer)

Q. How do you cure a headache?
A. Put your head through the window and the pane will go!

Q. What did the paint give the wall on their first anniversary?
A. A new coat.

Q. What does a cloud wear under it’s raincoat?
A. Thunderwear!

Q. What letter is a European bird?
A. J.

Q. How do you stop a mouse from squealing?
A. Oil it.

Q. Why didn’t the Joker cross the road?
A. Batman was on the other side.

Q. Why did the bank robber take a bath?
A. So he could make a clean getaway.

Q. What did the running ketchup said to the walking ketchup?
A. “Catch up!”

Q. If you have a referee in football and an umpire in cricket, what do you have in bowls?
A. Goldfish.

Q. How do you catch a school of fish?
A. With a bookworm.

Q. If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called?
A. A guppy puppy.

Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!

Q. What did the ghost put on his bagel?
A. SCREAM cheese!

Q. What devours everything and everything devours it?
A. Time.

Q. Why did the coach go to the bank?
A. To get his quarterback.

Q. What do ducks use for math?
A. A QUACK-ulator !

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. What’s brown and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. A monkey wearing a denim jacket!

Q. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A. Better not tell you, it might spread!

Q. What did Shakespeare say to the pencil?
A. “Write on!”

Q. How do you make a bandstand?
A. You take away their chairs!

Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).

Q. What does a triceratops sit on?
A. It’s tricera-bottom!

Q. Why didn’t the mummy answer the phone?
A. He was all tied up!

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice SCREAM and BOOberries!

Q. What street does a vampire live on?
A. A dead end!

Q. Why can’t a car play football?
A. Because its only got one boot.

Q. Does France have a fourth of July?
A. Of course they do.

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. CELL phones.

Q. What kind of motorcycle does a pig drive?
A. A hog!

Q. What does a polar bear use to keep his head warm?
A. A polar ice cap.

Q. What is a TV’s favorite thing to do at the the beach?
A. Channel surf.

Q. How much is the moon worth?
A. One dollar, because it has four quarters.

Q. How do you know when a dumb person has been on the computer?
A. There’s white-out all over the screen.

Q. What do you call a dancing ant?
A. A dANTcer!

Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May.

Q. What has two heads, one tail and six legs?
A. A man on a horse.

Q. What can you put in a barrel that makes it lighter?
A. Holes!

Q. What does an eagle use to write with?
A. A bald point pen!

Q. Why couldn’t the eight year old get into the pirate movie?
A. Because it was rated ARRRR!

Q. Where do oak trees come from?
A. OAKlahoma.

Q. Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
A. The butcher was on the other side.

Q. What fish can help you build a house?
A. A hammerhead shark.

Q. Which month has 28 days?
A. All of them, of course!

Q. Why is the letter T like an island?
A. Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q. What does the lion say to his friends before a hunt?
A. “Let us prey.”

Q. What type of soap did the composer use?
A. Anti-BACH-terial.

Q. Why was the Egyptian confused?
A. Because someone told him his daddy was a mummy!

Q. Why did the millionaire refuse to move to Alaska?
A. He didn’t want to freeze his assets.

Q. What do you call a bear with no ears?
A. B.

Q. What do you call a fairy that hasn’t taken a bath?
A. STINKerbell.

Q. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
A. “Dill me in!”

Q. What’s bigger when it’s upside down?
A. A 6!

Q. Who invented King Arthur’s round table?
A. Sir Cumference!

Q. What tree do fingers grow off of?
A. A palm tree!

Q. If you have three 7 foot long ropes, how many feet do you have?
A. You have two feet!

Q. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. You open the door and put the elephant in and then close the door.

Q. How come my uncle does not brush his hair?
A. Because he is bald.

Q. What do you call a bunny with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny.

Q. What is a 3 letter word that gets bigger when you add 3 letters?
A. Big!

Q. What time does a duck wake up?
A. At the QUACK of dawn.

Q. What did the bread say to the man?
A. Nothing, bread can’t talk.

Q. What did the vampire bring to the baseball field?
A. His bats!

Q. What runs but never walks?
A. Water.

Q. Why was the horse unable to get into the antelopes’ music club?
A. He had no horns!

Q. Why did the cookie cry?
A. Because his mother was a wafer too long!

Q. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A. An investiGATOR!

Q. What 4 letters scare a thief?
A. O I C U (Oh…I see you.)

Q. What do you do when you see a spaceman?
A. Park in it!

Q. What’s the difference between winter and a hurt football player?
A. One is cold out and the other one is out cold.

Q. What do eagles do when they coach a sports team?
A. They wing it.

Q. Why did the phone cross the road?
A. To find his friends the numbers!

Q. What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?
A. Time to buy a new clock.

Q. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECK!

Q. How do you make a goldfish age?
A. Take away the g in goldfish.

Q. What does a surprised iceberg say?
A. “Goodness Glacius!”

Q. Why did the nose cross the street?
A. He was getting picked on!

Q. What do you get when you cross a skeleton with a genie?
A. A wish bone!

Q. Why did Tigger look in the bathroom?
A. To find Pooh!

Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!

Q. What goes up and down but never moves?
A. The stairs!

Q. What gets smaller as it gets higher?
A. An airplane!

Q. Where did the boat go when it was sick?
A. His dock.

Q. What has a head and a tail but no body?
A. A coin?

Q. Why did the orange get stuck up the on the mountain?
A. Because he ran out of juice.

Q. Why was the elephant afraid of the computer store?
A. Because they sold the world’s best mice.

Q. How come a cheetah can’t play hide and seek?
A. Because he’s already been spotted.

Q. What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A. A lawn MEOW-er!

Q. What did the baseball say to the cake batter?
A. “Batter up.”

Q. What do you use to fix a torn daisy?
A. A flower patch.

Q. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A. Doyouthinkhesarus?

Q. What is white on the outside, green on the inside and hops?
A. A frog sandwich.

Q. Which building has the most stories?
A. Library!

Q. Why was the computer late to work?
A. He had a hard-drive.

Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. Because he wasn’t a chicken.

Q. What bird is always sad?
A. A blue-bird.

Q. What’s a frog’s favorite year?
A. Leap year!

Q. Why can’t you do a math test in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because she was getting tired of just standing there!

Q. What do you call a snail with no shell?
A. Homeless.

Q. There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat’s name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat’s name was One Two Three. Both cats think they’re better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why?
A. The English cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq! (Un Deux Trois cat sank)

Q. What has a never ending life cycle?
A. Laundry.

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. The snowball.

Q. If a red house is made out of red brick, and a blue house is made of blue bricks what is a green house made of?
A. Glass.

Q. What has to be broken before you can use it?
A. An egg.

Q. There was a boy and a doctor. The boy was the doctor’s son but the doctor was not his dad. Who was the doctor?
A. His mom!

Q. Why are cooks cruel?
A. Because they whip cream and beat eggs!!

Q. What does a cow grow on its face?
A. A MOOstache.

Q. What did Delaware?
A. A New Jersey!

Q. What can you serve but never eat?
A. A tennis ball!

Q. What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A. B.

Q. How do you get rid of a boomerang?
A. Throw it down a one way street!

Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.

Q. What is red when you go and green when you stop?
A. A watermelon.

Q. What is in and out, big and small, short and tall, up and down, and all around?
A. Life and time.

Q. There are 10 cats in a boat. One cat jumped out of the boat. How many cats were left?
A. None, they were all copycats.

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