70+ Harry Potter Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

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funny harry potter jokes

Most amusing Stupid Jokes that are so imbecilic, will make you pee your pants. Well, it was a stunt question, and you truly don’t have to answer since we are not mistaken, we as a whole like inept jokes, entertaining statements, and moronic jokes.

Also, as much as we can imagine hearing these diverting jokes, we want to impart them to our loved ones all the time through informal communities, Keeping that in mind we have collected 70+ Harry Potter Jokes That Will Make You Laugh!

On a scale from one to ten, how fixated on Harry Potter would you say you are?

Around nine and seventy five percent.

How does Harry potter get down a slope?

Strolling J/K Rolling.

What’s the most unreasonable thing about the Harry Potter books?

A ginger with two companions.

For what reason did Professor Snape remain in the street?

So you’ll never realize which side he’s on.

What do you call a Hufflepuff with one synapse?

Skilled.

What do you call a Hufflepuff with two synapses?

Pregnant.

What number of Muggles does it take to sink a light?

One. It is the main thing they are useful for.

For what reason can’t Harry Potter differentiate his mixtures pot and his best mate?

Since they’re both cauldron.

For what reason did Severus Snape remain in the street?

So no one could determine what side he was on!

How might you tell which Harry Potter motion picture you are viewing?

By the size of Hermione Granger’s bosoms!

You don’t get my Harry Potter jokes?

There must be something RON with you.

For what reason was Harry Potter sent to the workplace?

Since he was reviling in class!

For what reason doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?

No one nose.

Harry Potter How does Harry Potter dispose of a rash?

With quit-tingle.

How would you know whether somebody’s a pureblood?

Try not to stress they’ll tell you.

What did the comic state to Harry Potter?

Why so Sirius?

These 60+ Harry Potter goes on prove that regardless of how idiotic and moronic these jokes sound, we can never get enough of them. Some of them are essentially superior to other people, while some are more regrettable than anything you may have heard in your life. Just enjoy these 70+ Harry Potter and spread the vibe

Q: How do the Malfoys enter a building?
A: They Slytherin

best harry potter jokes

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Q: What do Harry Potter and Charlie Brown have in common?
A: They’re both in love with the little girl with red hair.

famous harry potter jokes

Q: Where do you find Dumbledore’s Army?
A: Up his Sleevy

funny harry potter jokes

Q: Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?
A: Because she gives him hugs and hisses.

harry potter jokes

Q: Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?
A: Because he has a Longbottom.

popular harry potter jokes

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Q: What do you call a coughing Quidditch commentator?
A: A Weasley!

Q: What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?
A: Gifted

Q: Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
A: They were following Draco, of course!

Q: Did you hear about the witch who won the lottery?
A: Yeah, she went completely Knuts!

Q: Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
A: Because it was making him Moody

Q: What kind of cereal do they serve at Hogwarts?
A: Hufflepuffs

Q: Why did Death Eaters cross the road?
A: The Dark Lord ordered it

Q: Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?
A: Because they are doublecrossers

Q: Why did the Hufflepuff charm her hair blonde?
A: To look intelligent.

Q: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?
A: So you’ll never know which side he’s on

Q: How many centaurs does it take to light up a single wand?
A: Two… one to say the spell and the other to keep remarking how bright the wand is tonight

Q: How many Death Eaters does it take to stir a cauldron?
A: Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the earth revolves around him

Q: How many Slytherins does it take to screw a light bulb
A: 5… 1 to screw the light bulb and 4 to say with their fathers connection at the ministry they could screw it faster

Q: How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None – wizards don’t use electricity!

Q: Why did Draco cross the road?
A: So he could swing his hips at Potter

Q: Why did the Dark Lord cross the road?
A: Because Potter couldn’t stop him

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Q: Why did Trevor cross the road?
A: To get away from Longbottom

Q: Did you hear about the Hufflepuff who gave his Kneazle a bath?
A: He is still trying to get the fur off his tongue You’re so Muggle, you thought the floo network was on channel 54.

Q: How many Weasels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Weasels don’t screw in a lightbulb. They screw in the Burrow.

Q: How many Slytherins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to blackmail a Hufflepuff

Q: How many Hufflepuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them

Q: Three girls are all first years: a Hufflepuff, a Ravenclaw, and a Slytherin… which is the sexiest?
A: The Hufflepuff, because she is seventeen.

Q: Why did Dumbledore cross the road?
A: He was following the poisoned lemon drops

Q: Why did the Weasel cross the road?
A: Somebody tossed a knut

Q: How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the room.

Q: Why did the Hufflepuff return his House tie?
A: It was too tight

Q: What do you get when you cross a Ravenclaw with the infirmary?
A: Ill-literacy

Q: What do you get when you cross Crookshanks with McGonagall
A: Really ugly kittens

Q: What do you get when you cross Sirius Black with Remus Lupin?
A: Really stupid puppies

Q: How many normal Seekers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he gets a hundred and fifty points for it

Q: How many Keepers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They’ll just suffer through in the darkness and angst about it

Q: How many Beaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two… one to hit the bulb with his bat, the other to see what’s going on, hit the first with his bat, and then change the lightbulb

Q: Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?
A: Because he can’t control his pupils.

Q: How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?
A: Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.

Q: Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?
A: Because he only has followers, not friends.

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Q: What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?
A: A comma is a pause at the end of a clause, and Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws.

Q: Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?
A: Up his sleevy.

Q: Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?
A: So you’ll never know which side he’s on.

A wizard walks into a pub and orders a Forgetfulness Potion. He turns to the witch next to him and says, “So, do I come here often?”

The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travellers here.”
Hermione walks into a pub with a time-turner.

Professor Quirrell walks into a bar, unwraps his turban, and present’s the Dark Lord’s face to the barman. The Dark Lord orders a beer.
“Sorry, can’t serve you,” the barman says. “You’re already out of your head.”

A muggle walks into the Hog’s Head inn with a frog on his shoulder. The barkeep says, “That’s pretty cool—where’d you get it?”
“London,” the frog croaks, “They’ve got millions of ‘em!”

Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub. The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.”
The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

Madam Hooch walks into a pub. The barkeep says, “Hey, we have booze named after you!”
Hooch beams, “You have a drink named Rolanda?”

Q: Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice?
A: Because he’s a double-crosser

Q: What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?
A: Broom-mates

Q: How do you get a mythical creature into your house?
A: Through the Gryffindor

Q: What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?
A: A mechanic

Q: Which side of a centaur has more hair?
A: The outside

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
You know.
You know who?
Exactly. AVADA KEDAVRA!

Yo momma’s so fat the sorting hat put her in all of the houses.

Yo momma’s so fat her patronus is a milkshake.

Yo momma such a slut, her snatch gets more traffic then the Grand Staircase.

Yo momma’s so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim.

Yo Mama’s so fat her patronus is a whale…

Yo mama so ugly, not even voldemort would say her name

Yo mama’s so ugly a Dementor won’t even kiss her

Yo mama’s a whore-crux.

Your mum so fat when she looks in the Mirror of Erised she sees a ham!

Funnier than the Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, these Harry Potter jokes are just what your dad ordered. Opening a joke shop has got to be the coolest thing a kid could aspire to. Fred and George finally launched their joke shop after Harry gave them 1000 galleons from the Triwizard prize he won. Harry says that given Voldemort’s return, “We could all do with a few laughs.”

What advice would Pinocchio give to Voldemort?
Voldy, you just have to lie to get a real nose.

How will you rate Harry Potter series on a scale of one to ten?
Nine and three quarters!

When a Quidditch commentator starts coughing, what does he become?
A bit Weasley.

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How did the Cornish pixies learn to fly?
They stole pixie dust from the Tinker Bell’s Fairy Pixy Hollow.

How many Slytherins does it take to screw a light bulb?
Five. One of them will screw the light bulb, while the rest four will brag about their fathers’ position and connection at the ministry.

Why does Voldemort have a Twitter account, and not a Facebook account?
Because Voldemort only has followers and no friends.

Conversation between Dumbledore, Professor Snape and Sirius Black.
Professor Snape: Headmaster, I am afraid to say that the Dark Lord has returned.
Dumbledore: What? Are you serious?
Professor Snape: No sir, I am Severus.
Sirius Black: How many times do I have to tell you that I am Sirius?

Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking Pumpkin Juice?
Because, it was making him very Moody after all.

You see Snape standing on the middle of the road. Do you know why?
Because no one will ever know which side he is actually on.

Why do Hogwarts girl students always go to the bathroom together?
Because going alone can be fatal to a girl student’s life. Myrtle died in the bathroom while crying alone. Hermione was attacked when she went to the bathroom alone. Ginny got abducted from the girls’ bathroom and lastly, Katy got cursed in the girls’ bathroom.

Voldemort is a really sweet guy. He, after all, waited for seven long years to attack and kill Harry till he was in his final year of school.

Harry and his friend in a conversation:
Ron: We all have something in common that Voldemort doesn’t have.
Harry: What is it?
Hermione: Courage, love and bonding of friendship.
Ron: Hermione!! Never mind. It’s our nose.

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