100+ George Costanza Quotes From The Lord Of The Idiots

George Costanza best quotes

These George Costanza quotes are from the lord of the idiots. There are so many George Costanza quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these George Costanza quotes exists just do that.

George Louis Costanza alias George Costanza was one of the four fundamental characters on Seinfeld, played by Jason Alexander. George Costanza is Jerry’s psychotic companion. He once in a while lives with his folks, Estelle and Frank Costanza, an unpleasant couple who are as masochist as their child. Odds are George Costanza’s character attributes of being harsh, closefisted, childish, ravenous and deceptive originate from his youth foundation. As a youngster, he was tormented by his exercise center educator, Mr. Heyman, who purposefully misspoke George Costanza’s last name as ‘Can’t Stand Ya.’ George Costanza and Jerry went to government-funded school together, setting the dynamic for their later relationship. George Costanza guarantees that he and Jerry met in exercise center class when George Costanza, grappling rope, fell on Jerry. George Costanza has various mental issues, including sociopathy, narcissism, constant lying, low confidence, abrupt attacks of outrage, hypochondriasis, hasty demonstrations of not well thought about inexpensiveness, childishness, obsessiveness, living in a dream. Like Kramer, he would frequently come up with expanding plots to renege on social, money related, or legitimate commitments, dependably with sudden and negative results.

George Costanza’s lying, be that as it may, is frequently observed as a blessing according to himself and his companions. It is noted in certain scenes that he can even beat a falsehood locator test. When Jerry informs Elaine concerning his arrangement of beating a falsehood finder rather than some way or another keeping away from it, she answers, ‘Who do you think you are, Costanza?’ The character of George Costanza depends somewhat on the adjust sense of self of the show’s co-maker, Larry David, the modify inner self grew later on as the hero of Curb Your Enthusiasm. In the main couple of seasons, George Costanza was limited by the models of his later activities, however as the arrangement went on, his plans and character turned out to be increasingly freakish. Alexander related in a meeting that, right off the bat in the production of the show, he once communicated having issues showcasing a scene in the content, since he felt nobody could ever carry on in such a way. David answered to him that the definite circumstance had really happened to him, and he had responded in the very same manner. Jason said this was an achievement for him in depicting the character, giving him profitable understanding into both Larry and George Costanza.

We have dug up these George Costanza quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of George Costanza Sayings in a single place. These famous George Costanza quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular George Costanza quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of George Costanza quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences: –

“My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be.”

George Costanza saying

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“Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.”

George Costanza famous quotes

“If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.”

George Costanza quotes

“I was in the pool!”

George Costanza popular quotes

“It’s not a lie if you believe it.”

George Costanza best quotes

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“It’s about nothing.”

“Don’t you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?”

“Elaine, of course I’m concerned…I’m paying for those meals!”

“The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.”

“I’m disturbed. I’m depressed. I’m inadequate. I got it all!”

“I’ve driven women to lesbianism before, but never a mental institution”

“You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect”

“I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?”

“I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off.”

“I’ve never assisted in a birth before. It’s really quite disgusting.”

“I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”

“I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think ‘That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.’”

“If you can’t say something bad about a relationship you shouldn’t say anything at all.”

“I can’t die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn’t die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?”

“You’re luscious. You’re ravishing. I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra. I’m terribly sorry.”

“Because I snubbed her. You see? Women, they like that! Yes! I understand women. The snub is good, they love the snub.”

“Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they’re gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?”

“The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli…”

“Yeah, I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to give up.”

“When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.”

“I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it’s common courtesy. I don’t know, that’s just the way I was brought up.”

“Articulate—me? I’ve never articulated anything, I’m completely incoherent.”

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“She thinks I’m a nice guy. Women always think I’m nice, but women don’t like nice….Why is nice bad? What kind of sick society we are living in, when nice is bad?

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.”

“Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.”

Lunch is fine at the beginning, then you move on to dinner. You don’t move back to lunch. It’s like being demoted.”

“Why does everything have to be ‘us’? Is there no ‘me’ left? Why can’t there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?”

“Just let me ask you something. Is it ‘FebRUary’ or ‘FebUary’? Because I prefer ‘FebUary,’ and what is this ‘ru’?”

“Listen carefully. My mother has never laughed. Ever. Not a giggle, not a chuckle, not a tee-hee…never went ‘Ha!’”

“I’ve never assisted in a birth before. It’s really quite disgusting.”

“I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.”

“Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.”

“My life is the complete opposite of everything I want to be.”

“No one’s bigger idiot than me.”

“I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs”

“If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.”

“When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.”

“I’m depressed. I’m inadequate. I got it all.”

“Yes. Yes. Everybody has to like me. I must be liked.”

“Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it”

“It’s like those hip musicians with their complicated shoes”

“All right, that’s enough. I gotta go home and take a nap.”

“You know, if you take everything I’ve accomplished in my entire life, and condense it down into one day…it looks decent.”

“I lie every second of the day”

“Probably because this whole universe is against me.”

“Well, do you feel anything? Feel? what’s that?”

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“Wait let me finish packing my shit and I will attend to you soon.”

“I have never been anyone’s type.”

“HHHHH! Is this the rat you brought to fight with me?”

“As much as I’d like to see the two of you living it up in a warm, tropical setting, I, I would just miss you too much. So I’ve decided I want you to stay.”

“Astroturf? You know who’s responsible for that, don’t you?! The Jews! Ah, the Jews hate grass. They always have, they always will.”

“Because I’m REFRESHED. I finally found a way to sleep in my office. Under the desk. I lie on my back. I tuck in the chair. I’m invisible.”

“Come on! I know you’re there, laughing at me. Laughing and lying and laughing.”

“Does anyone ever display the slightest sensitivity over the problems of a fellow individual? No. No. A resounding no!”

“Elaine, can I just explain something to you very privately here? Susan and I have been together many, many times now, and just between you and me, there’s really no big surprises here, so…makeup sex is all that I have left.”

“Every woman on the face of the earth has complete control of my life. And yet, I want them all…is that irony?”

“For me to ask a woman out I gotta get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks.”

“He’s the first cool guy I’ve ever been friends with in my whole life. You know…it’s a different world when you’re with a cool guy, he’s not afraid of anybody. You should hear the way he talks to waitresses…he gets free pie!”

“I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.”

“I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I’ve never had a normal, medium orgasm.”

“I don’t like when a woman says, ‘Make love to me.’ It’s intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her.”

“I don’t think there’s ever been an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.”

“I get the feeling when lesbians are looking at me, they’re thinking: ‘That’s why I’m not heterosexual.’”

“I had to listen to a five-minute discussion on which one is actually called Shmoopy.”

“I hate asking for change. They always make a face. Like I’m asking them to donate a kidney.”

“I have nothing to say to anybody. I’m so uninteresting. I think I’m out of conversation.”

“I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots!”

“I like to feel cozy. I have a very small apartment. I like to feel tucked in, nestled in. Love to be nestled.”

“I say stupid things all the time. I can’t go two minutes without saying stupid things.”

“I should be in a place like this; I envy this woman. You get to wear slippers all day. Friends visit. They pity you. Pity is very underrated. I like it, it’s good. Plus, they give you those word association tests. I love those.”

“I tell you, when she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic, it’s a pleasure.”

“I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it’s common courtesy. I don’t know, that’s just the way I was brought up.”

“I wanna bite into a big hunk of cheese, just bite into it like it’s an apple.”

“If you had five chickens could you tell them apart by just the way they acted? Or would they all just be walking around? Cluck, puk, cluck? Because if they have individual personalities I don’t think we should be eating them.”

“I’m very uncomfortable. I have no power. I mean, why should she have the upper hand. Once in my life I would like the upper hand. I have no hand—no hand at all. She has the hand; I have no hand.”

“It’s like, if one of ’em dies, the other one wants to bench-press the casket.”

“It’s not a lie… if you believe it.”

“I’ve driven women to lesbianism before, but never to a mental institution.”

“Jerry, kill me, kill me now. I’m begging you. Let’s just get it over with. Be a pal. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.”

“Look at me! I was free and clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!”

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“Mothers say things. My mother goes babbling on and on like a crazy person.”

“Oh, what’s the point? When I like them, they don’t like me, when they like me, I don’t like them. Why can’t I act with the ones I like the same way I do with the ones I don’t like?”

“Someday, before I die, mark my words—I’m gonna tell that woman exactly what I think of her. I’ll never be able to forgive myself until I do.”

“They’re men with jobs, Jerry! They wear suits and ties. They’re married, they have secretaries.”

“This is my one chance to make a great entrance! My whole life, I have never made a great entrance!”

“Um, excuse me, have you see a guy with like a horse face, big teeth, and, uh, and a pointed nose?”

“What is it about sex that just disrupts everything? Is it the touching? Is it the nudity?”

“Who are you to play God? Every man’s time comes! If his number is up, who are you to interfere?”

“Wow. I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off.”

“Yeah! That’s how they talk. You know, everyone’s either a bastard or a son of a bitch. Yeah, it’s like, uh, ‘Boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, uh?!’”

“Yeah. Yeah. With all that kissing and the shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy out in public like that. It’s disgusting.”

“You have any idea how fast these things deteriorate when there’s an ‘I love you’ out of the bag? You can’t have a relationship where one person says, ‘I love you’ and the other says, ‘I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat.’”

“You know how easy it is for dead people to travel? It’s not like getting on a bus. One second. It’s all mental.”

“You know what I would like to do? I would really like to have sex with a tall woman. I mean really tall. Like a like a giant Like six-five.”

“You know, I think I could have played with dolls if there were dolls in the house. It seems like fun to me. It doesn’t seem like a gender thing. I think I would like to play with dolls. What’s so terrible?”

“You know, I’ve been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstances in which I’ll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How’s it gonna happen? I just don’t see how it could occur.”

“You know, uh, she has no female friends! You know that, don’tcha? Something strange about a woman whose friends are all men.”

“You know, we’re living in a society! We’re supposed to act in a civilized way.”

“You know, you buy a big salad for somebody, it would be nice if they knew it.”

“You may think you’re an idiot, but with all due respect—I’m a much bigger idiot than you are.”

“You see, this is what I do with women. I start out too strong, now I have to become real, that’s when it all falls apart. What good is real? They don’t want real, they want funny.”

“You tell that son of a bitch no Yankee is ever comin’ to Houston! Not as long as you bastards are running things.”

“You’re like a pathetic gambler. You’re one of those losers in Las Vegas who keeps thinking he’s gonna come up with a way to win at blackjack.”


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