117+ George Carlin Quotes That Will Let You Understand More About Psychology And Religion

George Carlin Best Quotes

George Carlin quotes that will let you understand more about psychology and religion. There are days when you need to read a few quotes to really understand the meaning of life and work. There are quotes that are spoken by many famous people from various backgrounds and professions and these will surely help you in many ways. There are so many George Carlin quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration and these quotes will give you just that as they have been spoken by wise people. Luckily, the internet is full of amazing George Carlin quotes that will make you look at life through new eyes. These George Carlin quotes will help make your day and you will feel better about yourself, your job and your life.

George Carlin was born on May 12, in the year, 1937 and he had been a very famous American actor, stand-up comedian, social critic and author. George Carlin had been well-known for his black comedy and also his reflections on politics, psychology, the English language, religion, and many other taboo subjects. George Carlin and his “seven dirty words” comedy routine had been very central to the U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation in the year, 1978 where a 5–4 decision had affirmed the government’s power for regulating indecent material on a few public airwaves. George Carlin had been dubbed by one of the newspapers to be “the dean of counterculturecomedians”.

George Carlin’s very first 14 stand-up comedy specials for HBO had been filmed in the year, 1977. From the 1980s, all of George Carlin’s routines had focused on the socio-cultural criticism of the American society. George Carlin had also commented on the contemporary political issues in the US and also satirized the excesses of American culture. George Carlin had been a performer on The Tonight Show during the Johnny Carson’s era.

So many personalities across the world have spoken words of wisdom and these have become household quotes in schools and homes. George Carlin quotes have helped many across the world who have been looking for inspiration and motivation.  George Carlin has been quoted saying a lot of wise things that have surprised many because of his high level of intellect and method of thinking. As you go through these George Carlin quotes, you will become a new person and will realise what life is really all about. The phrasing of the statements contributes to a lot to the effectiveness of the quotes and a study conducted in the year, 2000 had proven that when people were shown two statements of the same saying, the participants said that preferred the rhyming aphorism quotes.George Carlin quotes are just like these so you will surely love them.

George Carlin has really been through a lot of situations in life and so, these quotes crop up form real life experiences. George Carlin quotes have been said after many years of experience and struggles and so you can always apply them to your life and your situations and try and make a better future for yourself. These George Carlin quotes will help you in renewing your spirit and mind in ways you have never imagined. As you scroll down the page and read these George Carlin quotes, be ready to see a new you, because these quotes are more than just words, they are magic and the truth of life that will change the way you think. So, here we have for you some George Carlin quotes which will paint a new picture of life for you.

1.“I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.”

George Carlin Saying

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2.“I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”

George Carlin Popular Quotes

3.“I simply go about my passage swiftly and silently, with a certain deliberate, dark efficiency.”

George Carlin Best Quotes

4.“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”

George Carlin Famous Quotes

5.”The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity”

George Carlin Quotes

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6.“I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.”

7.“I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.”

8.“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.

9.“It’s never just a game when you’re winning.”

10.“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”

11.“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

12.“People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.”

13.“I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!”

14.“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

15.“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

16.“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

17.“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.”

18.“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

19.“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

20.“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.”

21.“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

22.“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?”

23.“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”

24.“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”

25.“If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.”

26.“Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.”

27.“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

28.”There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”

29.”The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

30.”Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

31.”Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

32.”That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

33.”The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

34.”If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”

35.”Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”

36.”Meow” means “woof” in cat.”

37.”Religion is like a pair of shoes…..Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.”

38.”I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.”

39.”Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

40.”He – and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.”

41.”May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”

42.”My mother would say, ‘Why are you always playing alone?’ And I would say, ‘I’m not playin’, Ma. I’m fuckin’ serious!”

43.”And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.”

44.”I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend – I didn’t bother with him.”

45.”I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.”

46.”I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.”

47.”If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”

48.”Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”

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49.”Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day”

50.”He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.”

51.”Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.”

52.”There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting”

53.”You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic”

54.”By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth”

55.”In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing”

56.”I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity”

57.”A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt”

58.”Regarding the Boy Scouts, I’m very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook”

59.”Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things”

60.”They call it the ‘American Dream’ because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

61.”The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out”

62.”Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

63.”When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal weaponry, as this country does; and racial hatred, which is part of our heritage as white Europeans; and then you add the volatile ingredient of “nothing”

64.”If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball”

65.”I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes”

66.”I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose”

68.”When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse”

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69.”You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.”

70.”You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

71.”When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.”

72.”One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”

73.”One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.”

74.”Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.”

75.”Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”

76.”The status quo sucks.”

77.”Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”

78.”Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.”

79.”Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.”

80.Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.”

81.”Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”

82.”What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?”

83.”In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.”

85.”Electricity is really just organized lightning.”

86.”Always do whatever’s next.”

87.”Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”

88.”I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.”

89.”When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I’m sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

90.”The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”

91.”Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”

92.”I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.”

93.”Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.”

94.”Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?”

95.”There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.”

96.”The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

97.”Think off-center.”

98.”We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket”

99.”It’s much more important to teach children to QUESTION what they read.”

100. “I also know all you single dads and moms who think you’re such heroes aren’t gonna like this, but somebody’s gotta tell you for your own good, your children are overrated and overvalued.”

101. “They smoke for the same reasons adults do, because it’s an enjoyable activity that relieves anxiety and depression.”

102.”I think that you should be proud of something you have achieved yourself and not of something that happened accidentally.”

103.“People are the crowned creations of Almighty God?!”

104. “We know a lot about space, but so little about ourselves.”

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105.”And I think that if there’s anyone who’s decided to move on, it’s Steve.”

106.”If you can do nothing, the only stupid person here is you.”

107. “either you want to do something or you don’t.”
108.”I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people.”

109.”Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority believes you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

110.”In America, anyone can become the president, that’s the problem.”

111.”Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”

112.”If you take five white guys and put ’em with five black guys, and let ’em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, you’ll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. You’ll never see the black guys going, “Oh, golly! We won the big game today, yes sir!” But you’ll see guys with red hair named Duffy going, “What’s happenin’?”

113.”The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

114.”Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.”

115.”The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”

116.”Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.”

117.”I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”

118.“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”


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