110+ Garrison Keillor Quotes that makes him the best Radio Broadcaster

Garrison Keillor quotes

Garrison Keillor Quotes that makes him the best radio broadcaster. There are so many Garrison Keillor quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Garrison Keillor quotes exists just do that.

Gary Edward Keillor was born on 7 August 1942, in Minnesota, U. S is famous as the creator of A Prairie Home Companion the Minnesota Public Radio show. He is also a storyteller, author, humorist, voice actor and a radio personality. Keillor hosted the show from 1974 to 2016. The show is called as Garrison Keillor’s Radio Show in international radio.

Keillor has written many books in which he created a fiction Minnesota town named Lake Wobegon, mainly in Leaving Home: A Collection of Lake Wobegon Stories and in Lake Wobegon Days. In A Prairie Home Companion, comic skits appeared a detective Guy Noir, who was also created by Keillor and he voiced the character in the skits. He also created the five-minute radio/podcast program called The Writer’s Almanac. In this program, Keillor would talk about coinciding, important historical, scientific and literary events that have occurred with that date in history and pair it with one or two of his poems.

Keillor was born to John Philip Keillor and Grace Ruth in Anoka, Minnesota. Philip was a Canadian with English ancestry and was a postal worker and carpenter. Keillor’s maternal grandparents were Scottish emigrants from Glasgow and paternal grandparents from Ontario. In 1960 he graduated from Anoka High school and in 1966 with a bachelor’s degree in English from University of Minnesota. During college in student operated radio-station, he began his broadcasting career. The station is known today as Radio K. In November 1969 Keillor started his professional radio career with Minnesota Educational Radio which later changed into Minnesota Public Radio and is being distributed under the American Public Media brand. A weekday drive broadcast called A Prairie Home Entertainment, at the St. John’s Universities KSJR FM in Collegeville.

Minnesota Public Radio after an allegation involving Keillor cut all business with him in November 2017. After one year, the radio and Keillor came to a settlement and Minnesota Radio Show announced that it would make The Writer’s Almanac and A Prairie Home Companion’s archives available for the public on 13 April 2018. Keillor started to publish new episodes of The Writer’s Almanac on his website after the issues.

We have dug up these Garrison Keillor quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of Garrison Keillor Sayings in a single place. These famous Garrison Keillor quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular Garrison Keillor quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of Garrison Keillor quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences: –

“A book is a gift you can open again and again.”

Garrison Keillor quotes

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“An excellent age for reform of all sorts.”

Garrison Keillor best quotes“Give guilt – the gift that lasts forever.”

Garrison Keillor saying

“Give up your good ‘Christian’ life and follow Jesus”

Garrison Keillor famous quotes“I hear a little firecracker go off when you come up with a good rhyme.”

Garrison Keillor popular quotes

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“… and people are to march around the church to commemorate the event, Palm Sunday, when Jesus rode into Jerusalem and was greeted with applause and with palms. People thought he had come to overthrow the Romans, but … no … he had come to change THEM … and that led to things turning bad.”

“A boy wrote me once to say that he loved it when the news from Lake Wobegon came on the radio because it meant that his parents stopped arguing. That was an eye-opener for me. You work hard to polish your act and then you find out that it does people good in ways you couldn’t predict.”

“A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table – There’s nothing wrong with them, but it’s hard to stop thinking about it.”

“A good friend is a person who thinks you’re one of the good eggs, even if he knows you’re a little cracked.”

“A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.”

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”

“A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it’s time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.”

“As for family values, they are whatever they are – some families are tight, others are blown away like dandelion puffs. A main value in Minnesota is still: don’t waste my time, don’t B.S. me, I wasn’t born yesterday.”

“As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.”

“Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.”

“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.”

“Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.”

“Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.”

“Face it: a nation that maintains a 72% approval rating on George W. Bush is a nation with a very loose grip on reality.”

“For me, the monologue was the favorite thing I had done in radio. It was based on writing, but in the end it was radio, it was standing up and leaning forward into the dark and talking, letting words come out of you.”

“God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.”

“Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That’s what they do for a living.”

“Have interesting failures…. If you need to have a personal crisis have it now. Don’t wait until midlife, when it will take longer to resolve…. Don’t pity yourselves. Lighten up. Seek people with a sense of humor. Avoid humorless people-and do not marry one, for God’s sake.”

“Honesty is a rare commodity in a palace, and that is why so many fairy-tale marriages end up on the rocks.”

“Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn’t funny. It’s a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it’s not a surprise anymore.”

“Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.”

“I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.”

“I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I’ve written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write.”

“I don’t associate work with feelings of satisfaction. Rather, guilt, frustration, and resentment of people who write better than I do.”

“I don’t have a great eye for detail. I leave blanks in all of my stories. I leave out all detail, which leaves the reader to fill in something better.”

“I feel it’s so hard for young actors; It’s a different world that they’re coming up in; there’s so much money to be made off of their personal lives, and people are bound and determined to make that money.”

“I felt bad for that world that we have given a generation of kids.”

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“I grew up in a fundamentalist protestant family that stressed that we were a select people and so we were to avoid contact with others who did not share our faith.”

“I like to sing and it’s just really fun to sing, and I don’t get too much. And at my house I’m not allowed to because, you know, your children can’t stand it when you sing at home.”

“I love New York, and I’m drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I’ve just never felt like I want to escape from the Midwest. A writer lives a great deal in his own head, and so one intuitively finds places where your head is more clear. New York for me is one of those places.”

“I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme ‘oysters’ with ‘The Cloisters.’ And ‘The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.’ I just feel a sort of small triumph.”

“I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.”

“I think that if writers are tempted to do other things, they ought to go do other things. They should not write if they don’t feel like it. I say this as a competitor. I am not interested in encouraging people who are in competition with me.”

“I think that you are only obliged to be a humorist from the age of 18 until you turn 30. Past the age of 30 I don’t think there is any obligation to be clever at all.”

“I think the most un-American thing you can say is, ‘You can’t say that.”

“I think there’s a lot of power in listening to one person talking to you. And this should never be underestimated.One person sitting and talking to you and, you’re pulled in, in ways that technology and art and all cannot.”

“I usually don’t work with other people; I do the whole show myself.”

“I want to resume the life of a shy person.”

“I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine.”

“I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o’clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time.”

“I write on a laptop, so it’s impossible to count drafts anymore.”

“If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster.”

“If you can’t trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust?”

“I’m a lucky guy. I get to sit around every day and indulge in make believe and get paid for it.”

“I’m not busy, … A woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn’t think my schedule looked so busy.”

“I’m not busy… a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn’t think my schedule looked so busy.”

“I’m of an age when if I started to do eulogies, I’d be doing nothing else. You don’t want to be remembered? I don’t want them to be told to remember me.”

“In the end, all solutions are temporary.”

“It was a pleasure to have somebody else be the boss. It wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun any other way. He’s been around and made a lot of movies and he’s a great straightforward person to work for. And it was a pleasure to see other people to pick up characters that you’ve sketched out loosely on paper and make them into something fascinating.”

“It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn’t hear the barbarians coming.”

“It’s a shallow life that doesn’t give a person a few scars.”

“It’s been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, my home town, out here on the edge of the prairie”

“It’s confidence; it has to be something good about getting old. One of the things is that you just don’t stress about some stuff that made you so worried.”

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“I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was a boy, though it seemed an unlikely outcome since I showed no real talent. But I persevered and eventually found my own row to hoe. Ignorance of other writers’ work keeps me from discouragement and I am less well-read than the average bus driver.”

“Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we’ve gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.”

“Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.”

“Life is continuous. Life never stops. We come to the really great questions and before we can answer them, life has moved on to something else.”

“Mark Twain told jokes, but they somehow stayed funny for a hundred years; they’re still funny today. When Mark Twain said, ‘He was a good man in the worst sense of the word,’ we know exactly what he’s talking about. When he said ‘Wagner’s music is not as bad as it sounds,’ it still is funny. Mark Twain was really a miracle.”

“May his soul be forever tormented by fire – And his bones be dug up by dogs – And dragged through the streets of Minneapolis”

“Men peak at age nineteen and go downhill.”

“Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find any book you want and yet live on a quiet tree-lined street with a backyard and send your kids to public school. When a state this good hits the jackpot, it can only be an inspiration to everybody.”

“Most men are prisoners at best, Who some strong habit every drag about Like chain and ball.”

“Not everyone has a Life’s Work. Some people simply have a Life.”

“Nothing that readers say or do strikes me as a nuisance. Anyone who cracks open a book of mine is, to me, a gem.”

“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.”

“one of the amazing experiences of my young life.”

“People always are encouraging about a terrible loss, so that sometimes the loser would like to strangle them.”

“Possessing the ideal makes a person nervous: you sense the inevitable decline just ahead.”

“Powdermilk biscuits: Heavens, they’re tasty and expeditious! They’re made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the strength to get up and do what needs to be done”

“Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesnt kill you…and to love one woman for the rest of your life.”

“Sing your song; don’t let the bastards get you down.”

“Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.”

“Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.”

“Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people’s feelings are tender.”

“Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car.”

“Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won’t feel so thankful then.”

“Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.”

“The audience is invisible and that’s good. Somewhere my voice is drifting through a swine barn and the sound of it seems to perk up the sows’ appetite. Or a lady is listening on headphones as she jogs along a beach, running to my cadence. Or a dog sits in front of the radio, head cocked, and the sibilants excite him in some mysterious way. A dog’s humorist, that’s me.”

“The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, ‘Daddy, I need to ask you something,’ he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.”

“The funniest line in English is ‘Get it?’ When you say that, everyone chortles.”

“The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.”

“The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.”

“The mass of men lead lives of shallow happiness; the superior man exults in his gloom.”

“The problem with paradise is that it’s temporary: You don’t belong here and the neighbors are nobody you care to know, so it’s only blissful for a week or so.”

“The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don’t want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.”

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“The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think of the damage they would do if they were at the job instead, you can see why golf courses are a wise investment for any municipality.”

“There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family.”

“There’s no mastery to be had. You love the attempt. You don’t master a story any more than you master a river. You feel lucky to canoe down it.”

“They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.”

“This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don’t read books.”

“Those people on daytime TV talking about how their parents never gave them the positive feedback they needed and that’s why they shot them- those are not Minnesotans.”

“To Norwegians, the polka is a form of martial art.”

“To the cheater, there is no such thing as honesty, and to Republicans the idea of serving the public good is counterfeit on the face of it ? they never felt such an urge, and therefore it must not exist.”

“TV news is as bloody as Shakespeare but without the intelligence and the poetry. If you watch television news you know less about the world than if you drank gin out of a bottle”

“Wal-Mart is going in and slaughtering [small towns] just as we once killed the buffalo.”

“We have nearly complete misunderstanding between people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon, and that’s probably one reason why we get along so very well. It’s when you are trying to convince another person to think the same way that you do that there is friction and trouble between people. But when you feel that the other person is dumber than dirt, too dumb for words – why waste your breath – you get along pretty well. There’s no bond between people that’s quite so strong as when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.”

“We’d all be alot happier if we’d stop assuming we’re supposed to be happy.”

“Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”

“When you come to expect humor of people, you will never get it.”

“When you’re in your 20s, your 30s, even, you have – at least, I had – vast ambitions, and you sit around mooning about these things, and you’re depressed, because you haven’t done them. And it takes you a long time to come to the realization that if you can’t be John Updike, well, then, you can’t.”

“Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking and all the children are above-average.”

“Winter: It’s not just a season, it’s who we are.”

“Writing is the main gig and teaching and performing are sidelines, an excuse for not writing more. Working on a novel and on an opera make me seriously want to retire and find a volunteer job as a docent at the zoo explaining to schoolchildren where frogs go in the winter.”

“You don’t want to get that sort of sound in your writing that boing that gives you away.”

“Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.”

“You’ve got work to do. Don’t put this off. And don’t take the long view, here. You know? Life is today and tomorrow and- and if you’re lucky, next week.”


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