100+ Funny Jokes For Adults That Will Make Everyone Will Laugh

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funny jokes for adults

Jokes are funny and are accepted by everyone! Irrespective of age, gender or class, people love jokes and at the same time, they like to joke! But the question is how do we define Joke for Adults or how do we joke in front of them?

Worry not! Here is our 100+ Funny Jokes for Adults That Will Make Everyone Laugh that will make every others giggle or laugh to their heart’s content. Plus it will also make them so happy, they will want more of them!

Here we go!

I asked 100 ladies which cleanser they liked.

Practically every one of them answered, “How the damnation did you get in here?”

A day or two ago I was having intercourse with this wedded lady when her significant other returned home early.

She revealed to me I’d need to utilize the secondary passage and said I’d must be speedy.

On reflection I ought to have quite recently left, however it’s only one out of every odd day you get an offer that way.

For what reason is sweetheart single word however closest companion is two words?

Since your closest companion gives you space when you need it.

I simply had a close sex involvement.

My better half flashed before my eyes.

The proprietor of a medication store strolled into his store one day, just to see a man inclining vigorously against a divider.

The proprietor headed toward his staff part behind the counter and asked them, “What’s going on with that person over yonder by the divider?”

The staff part answered, “Goodness him – he came in here at the beginning of today to get something for his hack. I couldn’t discover any hack syrup, so I gave him a whole container of purgative.”

The proprietor yelled, “You trick! What were you thinking? You can’t treat a hack with intestinal medicines!”

The staff part stated, “Obviously I can. See him, he’s not hacked once since I offered it to him – he’s excessively terrified!”

These 100+ Funny Jokes for Adults goes on to prove that you don’t need to be a great humorist to crack any jokes! So sit back and enjoy these jokes the way you want!

What do you call ball’s on your chin? A dick in your mouth!

best funny jokes for adults

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What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off.

famous funny jokes for adults Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

famous funny jokes for adults

What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator.

funny jokes for adults What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? A $100 bill.

popular funny jokes for adults

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What do boobs and toys have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping? You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Halfway.

How did the mathematician deal with his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil.

If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that’ll be $6.50 a minute.

Men are like public toilets – the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap.

What’s the difference between the G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will search for a golf ball.

What’s the difference between a woman and a computer? Computers don’t laugh at 3.5? floppies.

What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.

My midget friend got thrown out of the nudist colony because he kept getting in everyone’s hair.

Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally.

Who’s the biggest hoe in history?
Ms. Pac-man, because for 25 cents she swallows balls until she dies.

What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? There are twenty of them.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotta-puss.

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

I took a poop in the elevator. I’m taking this shit to a whole new level.

If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?

What’s even better than winning the Special Olympics? Not being a retard.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t? Her navel.

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s
something I have that you’ll never have!

The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She
drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

A boy says to a girl, “So, sex at my place?” “Yeah!” “Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we
have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?” Later on, the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!” The younger brother
says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!”

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!”
Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”

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What did the penis say to the vagina? Don’t make me come in there!

Why is being in the military like a blow-job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

How is life like a penis? Your girlfriend makes it hard.

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What do boobs and toys have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. I know because they told me.

What’s the best thing about dating homeless chicks? You can drop them off anywhere.

The difference between kinky and perverted is the difference between using a feather, and using the rest of the bird.

I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper. Not by a long shot.

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me!

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold onto your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay, it’s in my jeans.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator. They all are standing there awkwardly until one of the spots a stain on the carpet. The redhead says
“it looks like cum”. The brunette smells it and says “it smells like cum”. The blonde goes and licks it and says ” nobody in this building”.

Sex without condoms is magical… A baby appears and father disappears.

Why do vegans give better head? They’re used to eating nuts.

How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner

What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? A cherry float.

What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.

What is a Jewish person’s first discount? 10% off the penis.

Three words to ruin a man’s ego…? “Is it in?”

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

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I’m not sure how I feel about masturbation… On the one hand, it’s pretty great.

Why aren’t koalas actual bears? The don’t meet the koalafications.

What’s long, hard and erects stuff? A crane!

Losing my virginity was a lot like how I learned to ride a bike. My Dad had a firm grip on my shoulders.

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.

“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”

The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Coffee and a Fly
A customer ordered a cup of coffee in a restaurant! The waiter served the coffee. The customer found a fly in the coffee. He called the waiter.
Customer: How do I drink this coffee!
Waiter: Don’t you know how to drink a coffee?
Customer: Waiter, see, there is a fly in my coffee.
Waiter: Oh yes sir, you are right! There is a fly in your coffee.
Customer: Waiter, I said, there is a fly in MMY coffee (He stressed the word MY)
Waiter: Oh don’t worry sir, the fly won’t drink much!
Customer: Waiter, it is swimming in my coffee.
Waiter: Sir, do you want me to get a lifeguard for the fly sir?
(Annoyed) Customer: the fly dead, it’s irritating!
Waiter: I guess, it doesn’t know how to swim properly.
Customer: How do I drink this coffee?
Waiter: Don’t you know how to drink? I will teach you!
He drank the coffee! And said, this is how you should drink a coffee.

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”

Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3×3?”
Harry: “9”
Principal: “What is 6×6?”
Harry: “36”

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And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.”
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”

Ms Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants.”

Ms. Brooks: “What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
Harry: “Coconut.”

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”

The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”

Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Harry: “Shake hands.”

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Harry: “Firetruck.”

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong…”

Jerry: “I’ve eaten beef all my life and now I’m as strong as a bull.”

Paul: “That is queer. I’ve eaten fish all my life and yet I can’t swim a stroke.”

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