What is so special about jokes? Is it the freshness that it brings or the perils of laughter that it sets in or the very fact that it eases out our stress in no time? Well, the answer is everything? Jokes are a great escape strategy from a complex world we live. Especially these new age jokes are even more hilarious enough to make you laugh for days together!
Keeping in view of the buzz caused by New Age Jokes, we have compiled 90+ Funny Jokes Dirty That You Can You think and Laugh at any time! What’s more they even tickle your funny bones for miles together!
Here is your gateway for 90+ Funny Jokes Dirty
I’m sincerely clogged up. I haven’t cared at all in days.
In the event that sex is an undeniable irritation, at that point you’re treating it terribly…
I was stroking off today and my hand nodded off – that is got the opportunity to be a definitive dismissal.
Life resembles tissue, you’re either on a roll or taking poop from some butt nugget.
A man is being captured by a female cop, who illuminates him, “Anything you state can and will be held against you.” The man answers, “Boobs!”
What’s more regrettable than awakening at a gathering and finding a penis drawn all over? Discovering it was followed.
On the off chance that a lady lays down with 10 men she’s a skank, yet in the event that a man does it… He’s gay, unquestionably gay.
At some point, a young man kept in touch with Santa Clause, “If you don’t mind send me a sister.” Santa Clause thought of him back, “Alright, send me your mom.”
On the off chance that a person recalls the shade of your eyes after the main date, odds are… you have little boobs.
Now you realize the humor quotient brought out by these jokes? So, the next time if you come across such situation, just read these 60+ Funny Jokes Dirty and feel the difference!
Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally.
Q: What do you call a nanny with breast implants?
A: A faux-pair.
Q: What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone without dressing.
Q: Why was two piece swimsuit invented?
A: To separate the hairy from the dairy.
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having s*x. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
“What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about s*x so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”
The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies, “Because mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
Teacher and her 3 boy students:
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…
Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”
A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man, “Where did you get such a big lighter?”
The man replies,”See that man playing piano over there? He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish.”
So the guy walks over to the genie and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.
The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, “That genie is a little hard of hearing isn’t he.”
The guy replies, “No kidding! You think I asked for a 14 inch Bic!”
A little boy goes to school but bringing in a cat with him. Teacher asks him “why did you bring your cat to school?”
The little boy replies, “Well, I heard my daddy telling mommy when the kids leave I’m gonna eat that pu**y up.”
Girl: Baby I am wet.
Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, I want more than that ??
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby I want sumthing big and round ??
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?
Mom: If a boy touches your b**bs, say “Don’t” and if he touches your pu**y say “Stop”.
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “Don’t Stop”.
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. The cashier asks, “Do you want a bag?”
The guy says, “No. She’s not that ugly.”
Boy: Let’s play the firetruck game.
Girl: How do we play?
Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and you say “Redlight” when you want me to stop.
Girl: Okay ??
*Few seconds later*
Boy: Firetrucks don’t stop for redlights ??
Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.
Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.
Q: Who makes more money… a hooker? or a drug dealer?
A: A hooker, because she can wash her crack and sell it again.
Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders.
The chief walks to the men and says, ” What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?” The first man thinks for a second and replies, “I choose Boogaloo”.
The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant “boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo”. The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up the ***.
The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, “You must choose, Death or Boogaloo”?
The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, “I choose death”.
The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, “Death by boogaloo!!!”
Q: What do girls and noodles have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them
Q: What’s the worst thing about dating a blonde?
A: If you don’t know what hole to put it in neither do they.
Q: Did you hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili?
A: I guess he liked seasoned professionals.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopuss
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dong.
Q: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?
A: A Crane!
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because all those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch.
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me!
Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?
A: A virgin
Q: What do you call two fat people talking?
A: A heavy discussion
Q: What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
A: A little get together.
Q: What do going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common?
A: You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meaty bit.
Q: What did cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A: She gagged
Q: How do you get Dick from Richard? How do you get Bill from William? how do you get bob from robert?
A: You ask him nicely.
Q: Why doesn’t Santa Claus have any children?
A: Because he only comes once a year, and it’s down your chimney.
Q: What does in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
A: Chewing gum
Q: Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
A: Because Ken came in another box
Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: Keep the tip!
Q: What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A: One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt
Q: What’s the difference between a bag of coke and a baby?
A: Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window
Q: What’s the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
A: The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.
Q: What kind of bees make milk?
Q: What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A: The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you take your meat out
Q: What do you call an expert fisherman?
A: A Master Baiter
Q: What’s the difference between a girl and a washing machine?
A: When a guy dumps a load in the washing machine, it doesn’t follow him around.
Q: What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
A: Just trying to fit in
Q: What’s the best thing about a gypsy on her period?
A: When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
Q: Who’s the biggest hoe in history?
A: Ms. Pac-man, because for 25 cents she swallows balls until she dies.
Q: Did you hear about the short-sighted Moyle?
A: He got the sack
Q: What do you call a cheap circumcism?
A: A rip-off
Q: Did you hear about the celebrity murderer?
A: He was shooting for the stars
Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: Why is being in the military like a BJ?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: Why can’t Jesus play hockey?
A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Q: What did the letter O say to Q?
A: Dude, your junk is hanging out.
Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A: Virgin Mobile
Q: What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!
Q: How do you know you have a high sperm count?
A: Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Q: What’s the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple?
A: Pimples don’t come on a boy’s face until they’re 13.
Q: What’s the difference between a walrus and a lesbian?
A: One smells like fish and has a moustache, and the other is a walrus.
Q: What do priests and McDonalds have in common?
A: They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns
Q: What do you call crystal clear urine?
Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
A: For fingering A minor
Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
A: They couldn’t close his casket.
Q: What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
A: Their last big hit was the wall.
Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in the U.S.A.?
A: Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
Q: Whats the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?
A: Phelps can finish a race.
Q: Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?
A: Because he wanted to find a tight seal
Q: Why don’t orphans play baseball?
A: They don’t know where home is.
Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to sleep with?
A: When you pull her pants down her butt is still in them
Q: What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Q: What do you call an afghan virgin?
A: Never bin laid on
Q: Whats 72?
A: 69 with three people watching
Q: What three words will ruin a man’s ego?
A: “Is it in?”
Q: What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check?
A: Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Q: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: Why do women have orgasms?
A: Just another reason to moan, really.
Q: How is sex like a game of bridge?
A: If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner
Q: How is life like a penis?
A: Your girlfriend makes it hard.
Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Q: What’s a adult actress’ favorite drink?
A: 7 Up in cider.
Q: What do you call ball’s on your chin?
A: A dick in your mouth!
Q: Did you hear about the Mexican racist?
A: He joined the que que que.
Q: What did the penis say to the vagina?
A: Don’t make me come in there!
Q: What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
A: One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
A: Call and tell her about it.
Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They’re usually full of crap, but thankfully disposable.
Q: What should you do if you come across an elephant?
A: Apologize and wipe it off.
Q: What do you call an incestuous nephew?
A: An aunt-eater.
Q: What’s warm, wet, and pink?
A: A pig in a hot tub.
Q: What’s another name for a vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.
Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A: Pick it up and blow it!
Q: What do Asian people eat instead of chicken noodle soup?
A: Chicken Poodle soup Girls are like math problems. If they are under 18, it’s best you do them in your head.
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole.
The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.
I nicknamed my dong “Coin Flip” because it’s always getting either head or tail.