100+ Funny Dirty Jokes That Are Damn Hilarious

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Jokes are a kingdom on their own! When you hear the very word Joke, you automatically get excited and the adrenaline rush in you gets higher or better sometimes! But on their other hand, have you heard about lame jokes that can leave you in splits in no time?

Well, such is the concept of Funny Dirty Jokes! They are not only lame but at the same time, they have the capacity to invoke great humor sense in you and amongst everyone! Here are the much-awaited 100+ Corny Jokes that are damn hilarious!

Ready to go?

There are two kinds of individuals on the planet. The individuals who love messy jokes, and the individuals who are lying. Not all jokes should be family neighborly and G-appraised.

Probably there are also most flawlessly made, really roar with laughter grown-up grimy jokes that are so stunningly smudged that you’d feel a little odd in any event, imparting them to a consenting grown-up at a bar after 12 PM.

Be that as it may, do make it a point to impart to them. There is something in particular about rehashing unrefined jokes that make us feel progressively invigorated. It’s a similar adrenaline surge you get from riding a thrill ride.

You shout with dread despite the fact that you know you’re impeccably sheltered. It’s the equivalent with an extraordinary filthy joke.  You’re stating these licentious, lewd, too-express things, yet it’s surrounded as a joke, so it has a feeling of falsity to it. You mean every one of those abhorrent things about as much as you imply that shout when a crazy ride takes its first dive.

Here are a couple of Funny grown-up messy jokes that will leave you in parts

  1. What’s the distinction between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One grabs your watch. Different watches your grab.

  1. Did you catch wind of the blocked up bookkeeper?

He couldn’t be spending plan, so he needed to work it out with a paper and pencil.

  1. What do you call an IT instructor who contacts his understudies?

A PDF document.

  1. For what reason did the sperm go across the street?

Since I put on an inappropriate sock at the beginning of today.

Now you know how the introductory line supports our heading in a tremendous manner. So sit back! And enjoy these 100+ Funny Dirty Jokes That Are Damn Hilarious!

Q: Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
A: Because Ken came in another box

best funny dirty jokes

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Q: What do girls and noodles have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them

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Q: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?
A: A Crane!

funny dirty jokes (2)

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopuss

funny dirty jokes

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch.

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Q: What’s the worst thing about dating a blonde?
A: If you don’t know what hole to put it in neither do they.

Q: Did you hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili?
A: I guess he liked seasoned professionals.

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dong.

Q: What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone without dressing.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because all those men already have boyfriends.

Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me!

Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?
A: A virgin

Q: What do you call two fat people talking?
A: A heavy discussion

Q: What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
A: A little get together.

Q: What do going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common?
A: You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meaty bit.

Q: What did cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A: She gagged

Q: How do you get Dick from Richard? How do you get Bill from William? how do you get bob from robert?
A: You ask him nicely.

Q: Why doesn’t Santa Claus have any children?
A: Because he only comes once a year, and it’s down your chimney.

Q: What does in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
A: Chewing gum

Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: Keep the tip!

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Q: What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A: One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt

Q: What’s the difference between a bag of coke and a baby?
A: Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window

Q: What’s the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
A: The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.

Q: What kind of bees make milk?
A: Boo-Bees

Q: What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A: The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you take your meat out

Q: What do you call an expert fisherman?
A: A Master Baiter

Q: What’s the difference between a girl and a washing machine?
A: When a guy dumps a load in the washing machine, it doesn’t follow him around.

Q: What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
A: Just trying to fit in

Q: What’s the best thing about a gypsy on her period?
A: When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.

Q: Who’s the biggest hoe in history?
A: Ms. Pac-man, because for 25 cents she swallows balls until she dies.

Q: Did you hear about the short-sighted Moyle?
A: He got the sack

Q: What do you call a cheap circumcism?
A: A rip-off

Q: Did you hear about the celebrity murderer?
A: He was shooting for the stars

Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: Why is being in the military like a BJ?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: Why can’t Jesus play hockey?
A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

Q: What did the letter O say to Q?
A: Dude, your junk is hanging out.

Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A: Virgin Mobile

Q: What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A: Doughnuts

Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!

Q: How do you know you have a high sperm count?
A: Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

Q: What’s the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple?
A: Pimples don’t come on a boy’s face until they’re 13.

Q: What’s the difference between a walrus and a lesbian?
A: One smells like fish and has a moustache, and the other is a walrus.

Q: What do priests and McDonalds have in common?
A: They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns

Q: What do you call crystal clear urine?
A: 1080pee

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Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
A: For fingering A minor

Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
A: They couldn’t close his casket.

Q: What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
A: Their last big hit was the wall.

Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in the U.S.A.?
A: Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

Q: Whats the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?
A: Phelps can finish a race.

Q: Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?
A: Because he wanted to find a tight seal

Q: Why don’t orphans play baseball?
A: They don’t know where home is.

Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to sleep with?
A: When you pull her pants down her butt is still in them

Q: What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
A: Piccassole

Q: What do you call an afghan virgin?
A: Never bin laid on

Q: Whats 72?
A: 69 with three people watching

Q: What three words will ruin a man’s ego?
A: “Is it in?”

Q: What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check?
A: Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

Q: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blow job.

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: Why do women have orgasms?
A: Just another reason to moan, really.

Q: How is sex like a game of bridge?
A: If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner

Q: How is life like a penis?
A: Your girlfriend makes it hard.

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: What’s a adult actress’ favorite drink?
A: 7 Up in cider.

Q: What do you call ball’s on your chin?
A: A dick in your mouth!

Q: Did you hear about the Mexican racist?
A: He joined the que que que.

Q: What did the penis say to the vagina?
A: Don’t make me come in there!

Q: What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
A: One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
A: Call and tell her about it.

Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They’re usually full of crap, but thankfully disposable.

Q: What should you do if you come across an elephant?
A: Apologize and wipe it off.

Q: What do you call an incestuous nephew?
A: An aunt-eater.

Q: What do you call a nanny with breast implants?
A: A faux-pair.

Q: What’s warm, wet, and pink?
A: A pig in a hot tub.

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Q: Why was two piece swimsuit invented?
A: To separate the hairy from the dairy.

Q: What’s another name for a vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.

Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A: Pick it up and blow it!

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

Q: What do Asian people eat instead of chicken noodle soup?
A: Chicken Poodle soup Girls are like math problems. If they are under 18, it’s best you do them in your head.

Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally.

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole.

The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.

I nicknamed my dong “Coin Flip” because it’s always getting either head or tail.

Q: What is the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job still sucks.

Q: What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A: A tearjerker.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

Q: Why are Penises the lightest things in the world?
A: Even thoughts can raise them.

Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?
A: Finding out it was traced.

Q: Why didn’t the Toilet Paper cross the road?
A: It got stuck in a crack

Q: What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Q: How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper!

Q: What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
A: Two Test-tickles

Q: Do you know what 6.9 is?
A: A good thing screwed up by a period.

Q: What do a Rubik’s cube and a penis have in common?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.

Q: What does a perverted frog say?
A: Rubbit

Q: What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A: a PDF File

Q: What is the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: A Genealogist looks up your family tree, whereas a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.

Q: What’s green and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the frog’s finger

Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A: A wet nose.

Q: What do you call an Italian hooker?
A: A Pasta-tute

Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adam’s banana stand

Q: Whats the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking.

Q: What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters?
A: They just give you a bra and say “Here, fill this out.”

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: What do electric trains and women’s breasts have in common?
A: They were originally intended for children, but it’s the men who play with them the most.

Q: Whats long, hard and full of seamen?
A: A submarine

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