100+ Funny Dick Jokes That Will Make You Think A Lot

funny dick jokes

Jokes are of various types and kinds! At one end we have Bad Jokes, Children Jokes, Adult Jokes are much more! Well, how about Funny Adult Jokes? Have you ever heard or come across such types of Funny Adult Jokes that have actually made you think in a lot of perspectives?

Keeping the above situation in mind and thought, we have compiled 100+ Funny Dick Jokes that will make you think a lot from a lot of perspectives and angles! Not alone that you will also get to explore the other side of humor and reality in a better manner!

Here we go!

Searching for a no-nonsense joke to get you a simple snicker? At that point these interesting grown-up jokes are for you. We’ve incorporated the most amusing jokes about Dick that you’ll at any point run over, so you can proceed to tell your companions – ideally without culpable them. Decision on your preferred amusing grown-up joke!

  1. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant by any chance?

Probably or he must have had neglected to wrap his whopper.

  1. How is a lady like a street?

The two of them have sewer vents.

  1. For what reason are men like diapers?

They’re generally loaded with poop, yet fortunately expendable.

  1. What sort of winged creature gives the best head?

A swallow.

  1. What’s superior to a virus Bud?

A warm bramble.

  1. How would you get a pious devotee pregnant?

Dress her up like a church youth.

  1. What would it be a good idea for you to do on the off chance that you go over an elephant?

Apologize and wipe it off.

  1. What do a bungee bounce and a hooker share for all intents and purpose?

They’re both modest, quick, and if the elastic breaks, you’re essentially screwed.

  1. How are gay individuals like mice?

The two of them abhor pussies.

  1. What did one butt cheek say to the next?

Together, we can stop this crap.

So, the next time you come across any situation, just read these 100+ Funny Dick Jokes That Will Make You Think A Lot and bring in the change.

Q: What did the O say to the Q?
A: “Dude, your dick’s hanging out.”

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Q: Where does a penis get its sports gear?
A: Dicks sporting goods

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Q: Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!

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Q: What do you call a man with. Three legs?
A: Tom (DICK) & harry

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Q: What do you call a guy who can swim without using his arms and legs?
A: Clever dick.

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Q: What do you get when you cross and owl and a rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night long.

Q: Why doesn’t Tom Cruise eat bananas?
A: He can’t find the zipper!

Q: What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

Q: What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?
A: He smashed his his nose.

Q: What happens when you make a penis out of Legos?
A: You get COCK BLOCKed.

Q: How many knees do men really have?
A: 3…. right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.

Q: What do you call a woman who loves small dicks?
A: Hopefully your girlfriend.

Q: What did the penis say to the vagina?
A: Don’t make me cum in there.

Q: What do you call an endowed puppet?
A: Well strung.

Q: What do you call an erection when listening to hymns?
A: an organ boner

Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand

Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A: So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a cock?
A: The man.

Q: How could the redneck mom tell that her daughter was on her period?
A: She could taste the blood on her son’s dick!

Q: What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
A: Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.

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Q: How many parrots can you fit down a man’s pants?
A: Depends on the length of the perch.

Q: Why do Justin Biebers male friends nickname him “Shotgun”?
A: Give him a cock and he’ll Blow!

Q: What did the penis say to the condom?
A: Cover me im going in! Had a fight with a erection, this morning. I BEAT IT SINGLE HANDEDLY.

Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: a dicktator!

Q: What do you call a country where everyone is pissed?
A: A urination.

Q: What do you call a guy who cries while he masturbates?
A: A tearjerker. I heard Justin Bieber has an 8 inch cock But it’s in his ass and belongs to Usher.

Q: Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A: So men can be open minded.

Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm bank say when clients are leaving?
A: Thanks for coming!

Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common?
A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!

Q: What do rich people drink when they are jerking off?
A: A Fapacchino.

Q: What is the difference between a sin and shame?
A: It’s a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.

Q: What did the left nut say to the right nut?
A: Don?t talk to the guy in the middle, he?s a dick.

Q: What happens when you beat off in the summer?
A: You get heat-stroke.

Q: Why are black men penises bigger than white men?
A: Because as kids white men had toys to play with!

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: His dick was stuck in the chicken

Q: What do you ask a angry dick?
A: Is someone messing with your head?

Q: What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A: Beef strokin’ off.

Q: What is a diaphragm?
A: A trampoline for dickheads.

Q: What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day?
A: A Terrorwrist

Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it ? we’re closed.

Q: What’s the difference between pink and purple?
A: The grip!

Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough.

Q: What do a Boeing 747 and a blonde have in common?
A: Both contain a cockpit

Q: What do you call a sunburnt penis?
A: Sunny D

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with A telephone pole?
A: a 10 foot cock that wants to touch someone. Girl “I wear heels bigger than your dick!” Guy: “I take shits fresher than your pussy.”

Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: What did the left nut said to the right nut?
A: Look at the dude in the middle tryna look all hard.

Q: Do you know Myra?
A: My right nut.

Q: What’s the smartest thing to ever come out a woman’s mouth?
A: Einstein’s cock…

Q: How do you bring a man back from the dead?
A: You suck on his dick until he cums back.

Q: What do a Rubix cube and a cock have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q: What does a Bengal Tiger and a Two inch pecker have in common?
A: You don’t FUCK with them!

Q: Why do cats lick their weiner?
A: Because they can’t make a fist.

Q: Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
A: “Is it in?”

Q: What do you call a juggalo who says he can suck 25 cocks in an hour?
A: A psychopath with a cocky attitude.

Q: How many cheeks does the dick want from a girl?
A: Back and in the mouth.

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Q: Where can one find a lot of dicks?
A: In a Penistentiary.

Q: Why did the young boy dip his penis repeatedly into the peanut butter?
A: Because he wanted to be Peter Pan.

Q: What can a bird do that a man can’t do?
A: Eat with his pecker.

Q: What kind of fruit is good for sperm?
A: Kumquat.

Q: Why did the battleship go through the car wash?
A: Because it was full of sea men!

Q: Have you seen the kids movie about using the potty?
A: It’s called “How to Drain your Dragon”

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning – “Cockll-doodlle-doooooo”, while a blonde shouts, “Any-cock’ll-doooo.”

Q: What does 69 equal?
A: A couple of mouths full.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.

How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.

Why are men like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

What type of bird gives the best head?
A swallow.

What’s better than a cold Bud?
A warm bush.

How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.

What should you do if you come across an elephant?
Apologize and wipe it off.

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.

What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together, we can stop this shit.

What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks.

What do you call a cheap circumcision
A rip-off.

What do priests and McDonald’s have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.

What did one of the prostitute’s knees say to the other?
How come we spend so little time together?

What do you call two men fighting over a slut?

Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?
She just couldn’t take it any longer.

Why don’t little girls fart?
They don’t get assholes til they’re married.

What do you call an incestuous nephew?
An aunt-eater.

What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms?
Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear.

What do you call a nanny with breast implants?
A faux-pair.

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How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What do women and noodles have in common?
Both wiggle when you eat them.

What do you get when you jingle a man’s balls?
A white Christmas.

What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A rabbi cuts them off. A priest sucks them off.

What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates?
A tearjerker.

What did one broke hooker say to the other?
Can you lend me ten bucks ‘til I’m on my back again?

Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.

What’s the real definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body—except his.

What does a slut say when her daughter asks how to spell “penis”?
“I wish you’d asked me last night, when it was on the tip of my tongue.”

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!

What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal?
A head hunter.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

Why did the semen cross the road?
Because you wore the wrong socks today.

Why did the snowman suddenly smile?
He could see the snowblower coming.

What’s the difference between a clitoris and a cell phone?
Nothing! Every cunt’s got one.

When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?
When he’s standing next you girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.

What does a dumb slut say when you ask if she’s ever tried 69?
“Thirty dudes is the most I can screw in one night.”

How are women like linoleum floors?
If you lay ’em right the first time, you can walk all over them for the next 20 years or so.

What’s the square root of 69?
Ate something.

What do you do when your cat’s dead?
Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?
A glad-he-ate-her.

What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.

What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?
A dictator.

Why did Jesus die a virgin?
Every single “wound” he touched closed up.

How is life like toilet paper?
You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

What’s the best way to respond when a girls asks “what’s up”?
“If I tell you, will you sit on it?”

What does it mean if a man remembers the color of a woman’s eyes after a first date?
She’s got small tits.

Wanna hear a joke about my dick?
Nevermind. It’s too long.


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