120+ Erma Bombeck Quotes Which Are Hilarious And Humorous

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Erma Bombeck famous quotes

These Erma Bombeck quotes are hilarious and humorous. There are so many Erma Bombeck quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Erma Bombeck quotes exists just do that.

Erma Louise Bombeck alias Erma Bombeck who was born as Erma Fiste was an American humorist who accomplished incredible notoriety for her paper segment that portrayed rural home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Erma Bombeck likewise distributed 15 books, the vast majority of which turned out to be hit. Erma Bombeck accomplished incredible notoriety for a paper segment that delineated rural home life in the second 50% of the twentieth century. Conceived in Dayton, Ohio, Erma Bombeck moved on from the University of Dayton in the year 1949 with a degree in English. Erma Bombeck began her vocation in the year 1949 as a columnist for the Ohio Journal Herald, however subsequent to wedding school chairman Bill Erma Bombeck, a school companion, Erma Bombeck left the activity and brought up three youngsters.

As the youngsters developed Erma Bombeck began composing At Wit’s End, enlightening self-belittling stories concerning the life of a housewife. It appeared in the Kettering-Oakwood Times in the year 1964. Erma Bombeck was paid $3 per section. Developing notoriety drove At Wit’s End to be broadly syndicated in the year 1965, and in the long run, it ran two times per week in excess of 700 papers. The section was gathered in some smash hit books, and her popularity was with the end goal that a TV sitcom depended on her. The arrangement, Maggie, kept running for eight shows in the year 1982 preceding being dropped. In the year 1971, the Erma Bombeck moved to Paradise Valley, Arizona. Erma Bombeck experienced polycystic kidney illness, a genetic issue that makes pimples structure on the kidneys. In the year 1996 exacerbating wellbeing constrained her to have a kidney transplant, and Erma Bombeck kicked the bucket of confusions that year.

We have dug up these Erma Bombeck quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of Erma Bombeck Sayings in a single place. These famous Erma Bombeck quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular Erma Bombeck quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of Erma Bombeck quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences: –

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

Erma Bombeck best quotes

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“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”

Erma Bombeck famous quotes

“Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.”

Erma Bombeck quotes

“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.”

Erma Bombeck popular quotes“Written on her tombstone: “I told you I was sick.”

Erma Bombeck saying

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“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.”

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.”

“When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

“I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food”

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”

“Housework can kill you if done right.”

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

“Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?”

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ”

“All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. ”

“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread
“Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.”

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”

“Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

“Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. “Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?” Don’t you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?” Wasn’t there any change?”

“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.”

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”

“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”

“Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.”

“The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, “Could I get you your check?” and we answered, “How about the menu first?”

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”

“When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

“A child develops individuality long before he discovers taste”

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“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”

“Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.”

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”

“Never order food in excess of your body weight.”

“A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.”

“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”

“Never have more children than you have car windows.”

“Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.”

“Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”

“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.”

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”

“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.”

“Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.”

“Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, ‘No thank you’ to desert that night. And for what?!”

“I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing…. Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, “I told you so.”

“The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.”

“As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.”

“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.”

“Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”

“Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.”

“Laugh now, cry later.”

“In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”

“There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.”

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”

“A child needs your love most when he deserves it least”

“I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.”

“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.”

“There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, ‘Yes, I’ve got dreams, of course I’ve got dreams.’ Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they’re still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, ‘How good or how bad am I?’ That’s where courage comes in.”

“Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.”

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“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

“…I remember thinking how often we look, but never see…we listen, but never hear…we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.”

“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go. ”

“Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.”

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”

“It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows”

“Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.”

“I don’t know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.”

“When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.”

“It was a bitter moment for us. We weren’t two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy’s permission, blessings, and money to survive.”

“You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.”

“Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip”

“When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.”

“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go.”

“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”

“I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.”

“Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.”

“I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.”

“The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”

“On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.”

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”

“There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, “Yes, I’ve got dreams, of course I’ve got dreams.” Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they’re still there.”

“I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.”

“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.”

“It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.”

“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.”

“Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, “A house guest,” you’re wrong because I have just described my kids.”

“I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.”

“Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.”

“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.”

“I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ”Checkout Time is 18 years.””

“God created man, but I could do better.”

“Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.”

“Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.”

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.”

“For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it’s time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.”

“Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.”

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.”

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”

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“I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.”

“Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It’s like stealing a two-year-old.”

“People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.”

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”

“Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.”

“House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.”

“Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?”

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”

“Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip.”

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”

“I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.”

“If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?”

“Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.”

“I’ve exercised with women so thin, buzzards followed them to their cars.”

“We’ve got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don’t know how it was before, so they think, this isn’t too bad. We’re working. We have our attache’ cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don’t realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.”

“Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. ”

“One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.”

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