120+ Dave Chappelle Quotes That Will Make Everyone Laugh Hard

0
1720
Dave Chappelle popular quotes

Dave Chappelle Quotes that will make everyone laugh hard. There are so many Dave Chappelle quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Dave Chappelle quotes exists just do that.

David Khari Webber Chappelle, Dave Chappelle, in short, is an American actor, writer, producer and a famous standup comedian, was born on August 24, 1973, in Washington, D. C., United States. He has won many awards including two Grammy and two Emmy awards. The Chappelle’s Show in 2003, an iconic and most satirical comedy sketch series, for which he is popularly known.

Chappelle, along with Neal Brennan, wrote the show which ran for two years after Chappelle retired in 2005, from the show. He started performing standup comedy across the United States after retiring from the show. He was called “The comic genius of America” in 2006 by Esquire. In 2013 a Billboard writer said that Chappelle was “the best”. He was ranked number nine in the “50 Best Standup Comics of All Time” by Rolling Stone in 2017.

Chappelle has appeared in various films like The Nutty Professor, Con Air, You’ve Got Mail, Blue Streak, Undercover Brother and Mel Brook’s Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Half Baked was the first lead role film for Chappelle in which he co-wrote with Neal Brennan, in the year 1998. He has also acted in the television series Buddies by ABC TV. In an interview with Inside the Actors Studio host James Lipton, Chappelle states that Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Paul Mooney, Mel Bland and Chris Rock were his most significant influence in comedy.

Chappelle signed a 20 million US dollar per-release-comedy-special deal with Netflix in 2016. He also released four standup specials from 2017 till now. For his guest appearance on the film, Saturday Night Live in 2017, he received his first Emmy Award. The Age of Spin & Deep in the Heart of Texas, Netflix specials, in 2018 he received a Grammy Award. Equanimity, Netflix specials by Chappelle won the Outstanding Variety Special and was nominated for three Emmys in 2018. The Mark Twain Prize for American Humour presented by the Kennedy Center, America’s highest comedy honour, for which Chappelle was selected to receive. He is going to win the prize at the Kennedy Center gala on October 27, 2019. On January 6, 2020, the ceremony will be broadcasted on Public Broadcasting Service.

We have dug up these Dave Chappelle quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of Dave Chappelle Sayings in a single place. These famous Dave Chappelle quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular Dave Chappelle quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of Dave Chappelle quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences: –

“I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.”

Dave Chappelle popular quotes

RELATED: 120+ Woody Allen Quotes That are Totally Hilarious

“The language you are about to hear… is disturbing.”

Dave Chappelle quotes“You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.”

Dave Chappelle best quotes“There’s something about doing stand-up that’s cathartic.”

Dave Chappelle famous quotes“You got to be careful of the company you keep.”

Dave Chappelle saying

RELATED: 130+ Fyodor Dostoevsky Quotes That Teaches us Philosophy

“Hey, baby! Stop selling weed, all right, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.” He goes, “Fuck you, nigga. I got kids to feed!”

“All I’ll say about Elian is thank God he’s Cuban. ‘Cause if he was Haitian you’d’ve never heard about his ass. If Elian Gonzales was Elian Mumumbo from Haiti, they would’ve pushed that little rubber tube right back in the water. “Sorry little fella, all full. Good luck!”

“They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right in his face, “Oscar you are so mean! Isn’t he kids?”, “Yeah Oscar! Your a grouch!”, its like “BITCH! I LIVE IN A FUCKING TRASHCAN!”

“Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!”

“Wow. … That’s a good question. … Is `I don’t know’ an acceptable answer?”

“I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed”

“I’m not smoking crack. I’m definitely stressed out.”

“I’m Dave Chappelle and I’m a chronic masturbator.”

“Have you ever watched, like, a cartoon that you used to watch when you were little, as an adult? I was sittin’ there with my nephew. I turned it on Sesame Street. And I was, like, “Oh, good. Sesame Street. Now he’ll learn how to count and spell.” But now I’m watching it as an adult and I realize that Sesame Street teaches kids other things. It teaches kids how to judge people and label people. That’s right. They got this one character named Oscar. They treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right to his face. “Oscar, you are so mean. Isn’t he, kids?” “Yeah. Oscar, you’re a grouch!” He’s, like, “Bitch, I live in a fucking trash can! I’m the poorest motherfucker on Sesame Street. Nobody’s helping me.” Now you wonder why your kids grow up and step over homeless people, like, “Get it together, grouch. Get a job, grouch.”

“White people do not like to talk about their political affiliations. It’s a secret. You ask a white guy who’s he votin’ for, like, “Hey, Bob, who you gonna vote for?” “Dave! Dave! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it easy. So I was fuckin’ my wife in her ass, right? And let me tell you, it was something else.” “Yeah, yeah, but who are you gonna vote for?” “Dave! Dave, come on with the voting! I’m trying to tell you about fucking my wife in the ass, and you’re asking me all these personal questions.”

“Just cuz I eat Chicken and Watermelon they think that something’s wrong with me. Let me tell you somethin if you don’t like chicken and watermelon, something is wrong with you, there is something wrong with you! Where are all these people who don’t like Chicken and Watermelon? I’m sick of hearing about how bad it is, it’s great! I’m waiting for Chicken to approach me to do a commercial nigga, I’ll do it for free Chicken! It’s the least I can do.”

“Like, see, I’d never vote for George Bush Junior, but I don’t know anything about his politics. All I know about that George Bush Junior is that that guy sniffed cocaine. That’s right. Now, listen, we can’t have that shit in the White House. That may be fine for a mayor; but goddammit, not the White House! The stakes are too high. He’d be sellin’ nuclear secrets for 20 or 30 dollars and shit.”

“My father told me ‘Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.’”

“I just always loved stand-up. It’s like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The facts that people come to see that and participate in that… I don’t know, it’s just like magic.”

“If you don’t have the right people around you and you’re moving at a million miles an hour you can lose yourself.”

“Whether it means having a show, or a movie, or just being on a stage, I need an avenue to say what I have to say.”

“I’m cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.”

“People don’t know what it’s like standing up there on stage, when you have a wall of people smiling at you.”

“The world can’t tell you who you are. You’ve just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse.” –

“I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you’re a guy who generates money, people have a vested interested in controlling you.”

“When I’m on stage, I get real happy there. Maybe that’s the only time in my adult life I feel like myself.”

“You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.”

“Because I was surrounded by so much negativity at some point that it took me going back and doing stand-up to realize, you know, people really like me.”

“I’m famous today. People like me today. Might not like me tomorrow. You can’t count on it.”

“I care about the work I do. But I’m not going to say that money’s not an issue.”

“One of the things that happen when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.”

“The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.”

“Fame for me is like a place, a country I’m taking a tour through.”

“Stand-up is the kind of gig that’ll show you where you’re at.”

“I love being famous – it’s phenomenal.”

RELATED: 110+ Francis of Assisi Quotes That Will give us Clarity in Life

“There are a lot of people who don’t want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like – they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it’s a lot of fun, man. It’s like, this is how I started, and it’s still fun for me.”

“You know, be able to do something great in your life, you’re gonna have to realize your failures. You’re gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.”

“Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you’re interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.”

“I don’t want the money. I don’t want the drama. I just want to do my show. I want to have fun again.”

“My wife asked me once if I weren’t a comedian what I would do. I couldn’t answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else. (He found his passion)”

“Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say ‘their life’ I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.”

“The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive. “I don’t understand this person. So they’re crazy.” That’s bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.”

“The girl says “Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I’m dressed this way does not make me a whore!” Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn’t mean they are a certain way. Don’t even forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is fucking confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me saying, “Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They’re over here. Help us!” “Oh-hoh! Just because I’m dressed this way does not make me a police officer!” See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore’s uniform.”

“I’m rich biotchh!”

“The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself especially when everybody is watching”

“Lady, I’m just a nigga that loves titties.”

“I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy.”

“Things like racism are institutionalized. You might not know any bigots. You feel like “well I don’t hate black people so I’m not a racist,” but you benefit from racism. Just by the merit, the color of your skin. The opportunities that you have, you’re privileged in ways that you might not even realize because you haven’t been deprived of certain things. We need to talk about these things in order for them to change.”

“Hey,hey,hey. Smoke weed everyday”

“So sometimes I’ll make up sh*t that’s not even slang, just to see how they handle it and sh*t. It’ll be the same thing, they just go:
“All right, we’re gonna close the deal. Is that fine with you, Dave?”
“Yeah, it sounds good to me.”
“Great. You have a good weekend, Dave.”
“All right, buddy. Zip it up, and zip it out.”
He’ll be like…
“Uh… All right. Zippity-doo-dah, bye-BYE.”

RELATED: 140+ Frank Lloyd Wright Quotes That will make us Love Architecture

“Every black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak ‘job interview.”

“The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.”

Then Jasper said “Look here, nigger, if anyone’s gonna have sex with my sister, it’s gonna be me.”

I hate you. I hate you. I don’t even know you, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.

Oh my god. Open and shut case, Johnson. I saw this once when I was a rookie. Apparently this nigger broke in and put up pictures of his family everywhere.

All these years, I thought I liked chicken cause it was delicious; but turns out, I’m genetically predisposed to liking chicken!

Lady, I’m just a nigga that loves titties.

Terrorists don’t take black hostages. That’s the truth. I have yet to see one of us on the news reading a hostage letter. Like, ‘Uh… they is treating us good. Uh we are chilling and shit. I’d like to give a shout out to Ray-Ray an Big Steve and uh, send some Newports!’

“Hey, baby! Stop selling weed, all right, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.” He goes, “Fuck you, nigga. I got kids to feed!”

“All I’ll say about Elian is thank God he’s Cuban. ‘Cause if he was Haitian you’d’ve never heard about his ass. If Elian Gonzales was Elian Mumumbo from Haiti, they would’ve pushed that little rubber tube right back in the water. “Sorry little fella, all full. Good luck!””

“All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.”

“And I didn’t know he was taking me to the ghetto at first. I started looking out the window, see gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store, where the fuck you taking me?”

“Being famous is great, it’s not like bad or horrible or anything.”

“But there was something really serendipitous that was happening, with some kind of energy that things would ultimately just work out, sometimes better than when you plan.”

“Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!”

“Everyone around me says, You’re a genius! You’re great! That’s your voice! But I’m not sure if they’re right.”

“Hey, niggers! Turn that jungle music down! Woogie boogie, nigger! Woogie boogie!”

“I care about the work I do. But I’m not going to say that money’s not an issue.”

“I don’t do drugs, though. Just weed.”

“I don’t normally talk about my religion publicly because I don’t want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way.”

“I don’t really frick with Africa cause people are starving to death and that’s not ballin’ to me.”

“I enjoy my own thoughts sometimes.”

“I figured, let me just cut myself off from everybody, take a minute and pull a Flintstone, stop a speeding car by using my bare feet as brakes.”

“I got real important relationships in my life that are very empowering relationships.”

“I knew it was a bad idea, but I was high. I tried to explain to him that it was a bad idea but all that came out was well nigger sometimes you gotta race, I don’t know.”

“I look at it like that word, ‘nigger’, used to be a word of oppression. But that when I say it, it feels more like an act of freedom. For me to be able to say that unapologetically on television.”

“I love being famous – it’s phenomenal.”

“I love my jokes.”

“I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.”

“I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress.”

“I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one point, I’ll walk away from show business. But I don’t want to walk away empty-handed.”

“I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.”

“I was on vacation at Disney World, and everybody kept coming up to me and saying ‘Hey, I’m Rick James, bitch.’ I was like, ‘Could you not call me a bitch in front of my kids?'”

“If I can make a teacher’s salary doing comedy, I think that’s better than being a teacher.”

“If you’re Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and your marriage is breaking up – that’s an awful thing. But to see that speculation in people, it’s gotta sting a little bit.”

“I’m cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.”

“I’m Dave Chappelle and I’m a chronic masturbator.”

RELATED: 100+ Major League Quotes That Portray The Story Of A Baseball Game

“I’m not smoking crack. I’m definitely stressed out.”

“I’m off to the gym. Replacing good character with good looks is a cornerstone of my comeback stratagem.”

“I’m rich biotchh!”

“Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?”

“It’s Friday bitches! Lets get fucked up!”

“Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say ‘their life’ I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.”

“My father told me ‘Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.'”

“My generation is under-entertained.”

“My wife asked me once if I weren’t a comedian what I would do. I couldn’t answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.”

“New white people, you can’t scare these white people, I tried.”

“No one calls 911 cool and relaxed. Now that shit would sound ridiculous.”

“No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.”

“One of the things that happens when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.”

“Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.”

“Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mmm…, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they’d never believe I lived in it. They’d be like ‘He’s still here!'”

“Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you’re interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.”

“Stand-up is the kind of gig that’ll show you where you’re at.”

“The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.”

“The language you are about to hear… is disturbing.”

“The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.”

“The old baby on the corner trick a, not gonna fall for that shit.”

“The only thing harder than leaving show business is coming back.”

“The way the people around you position themselves around you to get in your pockets and in your mind is infuriating to me.”

“The world can’t tell you who you are. You’ve just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse.”

“The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive.”

“There was something really serendipitous that was happening, with some kind of energy that things would ultimately just work out, sometimes better than when you plan.”

“They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right in his face, “Oscar you are so mean! Isn’t he kids?”, “Yeah Oscar! Your a grouch!”, its like “Bitch! I live in a fucking trashcan!””

“This is the concert I’ve always wanted to see.”

“We just jumped out and started shooting with the band, and then one thing led to another. You see it unfold in the movie, but by the end of just hanging with them we had decided, ‘Why don’t we have them come to Brooklyn?’ It was pretty awesome.”

“Weed’s not as bad as everything else… ’cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain’t crisp… but you’ll function.”

“What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!!!!”

“What is wrong with me I just bought a bag of weed from an infant.”

“When I’m on stage, I get real happy there. Maybe that’s the only time in my adult life I feel like myself.”

“Where I’m from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.”

“Who got the part? Chris Tucker? Shit! Who got the other part? Tell me man. Jackie Chan? That mother fucker can’t even speak English!”

“Why don’t you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.”

“Wow. That’s a good question. Is “I don’t know” an acceptable answer?”

“You can become famous but you can’t become unfamous. You can become infamous but not unfamous.”

“You got to be careful of the company you keep.”

“You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.”

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.