100+ Clue Quotes About The Game Based Movie

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Clue Famous Quotes

These Cluequotes are about the game based movie. There are so many Clue quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Clue quotes exists just do that.

The Clue is a 1985 American collective riddle parody film dependent on the indoor game of a similar name. The Clue was coordinated by Jonathan Lynn, who worked together on the content with John Landis, and stars Eileen Brennan, Tim Curry, Madeline Kahn, Christopher Lloyd, Michael McKean, Martin Mull, and Lesley Ann Warren. The Clue was delivered by Debra Hill. With regards to the idea of the indoor game, the dramatic discharge included three potential endings, with various performance centers getting one of the three endings. In Clue’s home video discharge, every one of the three endings was incorporated. Clue at first gotten blended audits and did ineffectively in the cinematic world, at last netting $14.6 million in the United States against its spending limit of $15 million. But it later built up an extensive faction following. In the year 1954, six outsiders are welcome to an evening gathering at Hill House, an isolated manner in New England. They are met by the steward, Wadsworth, who gives every one of them a pen name, none of them knowing the others’ names, nor being tended to by their genuine names. The visitors – Colonel Mustard, Mrs. White, Mrs. Peacock, Mr. Green, Professor Plum, and Miss Scarlet – are served by Wadsworth and the house cleaner, Yvette. During supper, a seventh visitor, Mr. Boddy, arrives.

A while later, Wadsworth uncovers the genuine reason they are there: Mr. Boddy has been extorting different visitors for quite a while. These people are here to stand up to him and surrender him to the police. Mr. Boddy, notwithstanding, advises them that on the off chance that he is captured, he will uncover their liable insider facts. He gives every one of different visitors various weapons as a blessing – a candle, blade, lead pipe, pistol, rope, and wrench separately, recommending that one of them rather slaughter Wadsworth to keep away from introduction and mortification. When he kills the lights, a shot rings out, and when the lights are walked out on, they discover Mr. Boddy obviously dead with no noticeable follow regarding how. Wadsworth clarifies that he was the person who orchestrated everybody to meet at the chateau, realizing that Mr. Boddy was extorting them. He uncovers that his late spouse ended it all because of Mr. Boddy’s controls, which drove him to help out free them from a similar cycle of a shakedown. He needed them to compel an admission out of Mr. Boddy and give him to the police. Afterward, the cook Mrs. Ho is discovered dead, wounded by the blade. Mr. Boddy’s body vanishes, yet it is later rediscovered with new wounds from the candle.

We have dug up these Clue quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of Clue Sayings in a single place. These famous Clue quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular Clue quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of Clue quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences: –

“it’s a matter of life after death. Now that he’s dead, I have a life.”

Clue Best Quotes

” that was his job. He was an illusionist.”

Clue Sayings

“Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong and disposable.” 

Clue Popular Quotes

“Communism was just a red herring.” 

Clue Famous Quotes

“This is war, Peacock. Casualties are inevitable. You can not make an omelet without breaking eggs, every cook will tell you that.” 

Clue Quotes

“- Miss Scarlet: Do you miss him?
– Mrs. White: Well, it’s a matter of life after death. Now that he’s dead, I have a life.
– Wadsworth: But, he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.
– Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.
– Wadsworth: But he never reappeared!
– Mrs. White: He wasn’t a very good illusionist.”

“Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong and disposable.”

“- Wadsworth: And monkey’s brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C.
– Mr. Green: Is that what we ate?”

“- Colonel Mustard: You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.
– Mrs. White: Flies are where men are most vulnerable.”

– Colonel Mustard: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there’s nobody else in this house?
– Wadsworth: Um… no.
– Colonel Mustard: Then there is someone else in this house?
– Wadsworth: Sorry, I said “no” meaning “yes”.
– Colonel Mustard: “No” meaning “yes”? Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn’t there, yes, or no?
– Wadsworth: No.
– Colonel Mustard: No there is, or no there isn’t?
– Wadsworth: Yes.
 ”

“- Colonel Mustard: Is this place for you?
– Wadsworth: Indeed no, sir. I’m merely a humble butler.
– Colonel Mustard: What exactly do you do?
– Wadsworth: I buttle, sir.
– Colonel Mustard: Which means what?
– Wadsworth: The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything tidy.”

“Well, someone’s got to break the ice, and it might as well be me. I mean, I’m used to being a hostess, it’s part of my husband’s work. And it’s always difficult when a group of new friends meet together for the first time, to get acquainted. So I’m perfectly prepared to start the ball rolling. I mean, I-I have absolutely no idea what we’re doing here. Or what I’m doing here, or what this place is about, but I am determined to enjoy myself. And I’m very intrigued, and, oh my, this soup’s delicious, isn’t it?”

– Colonel Mustard: I prefer Kipling myself. “The female of the species is more deadly than the male”. Do you like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?
– Miss Scarlet: Sure, I’ll eat anything.
 ”

“- Wadsworth: I suggest we take the cook’s body into the study.
– Colonel Mustard: Why?
– Wadsworth: I’m the butler, I like to keep the kitchen tidy.”

“- Colonel Mustard: Why are you screaming?
– Mr. Green: Because I’m frightened!
– Colonel Mustard: Of what?
– Mr. Green: Screaming!”

“- Miss Scarlet: Maybe there is life after death.
– Mrs. White: Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage!”

“Communism was just a red herring.”

“- Wadsworth: Well, he’s certainly dead now. Why would anyone want to kill him twice?
– Miss Scarlet: It seems so unnecessary.
– Colonel Mustard: Well, it’s what we call “overkill”.
– Professor Plum: It’s what we call “psychotic”.”

“This is war, Peacock. Casualties are inevitable. You can not make an omelet without breaking eggs, every cook will tell you that.”

“- Colonel Mustard: How many husbands have you had?
– Mrs. White: Mine or other women’s?”

“- Mrs. White: Are you a cop?
– Mr. Green: No, I’m a plant.
– Miss Scarlet: A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.”

“- Mr. Green: This is ridiculous. If he were such a patriotic American, why didn’t he just report us to the authorities?
– Wadsworth: He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?”

“- The Chief: Armageddon is almost upon us.
– Professor Plum: I got news for you – it’s already here.
– Mrs. Peacock: Go away.
– The Chief: But your souls are in danger.
– Mrs. Peacock: Our lives our in danger, you beatnik.”

“- Mrs. White: Oh, you’re a doctor?
– Professor Plum: I am, but I don’t practice.
– Miss Scarlet: Practice makes perfect. Ha! I think most men need a little practice, don’t you Mrs. Peacock?”

“Being killed is pretty final, wouldn’t you say?”

“- Professor Plum: What is your top-secret job, Colonel?
– Wadsworth: I can tell you. He’s working on the secret of the next fusion bomb.
– Colonel Mustard: How did you know that?
– Wadsworth: Can you keep a secret?
– Colonel Mustard: Yes…
– Wadsworth: So can I.”

“- Wadsworth: A double negative!
– Colonel Mustard: A double negative? You mean you have photographs?
– Wadsworth: That sounds like a confession to me. In fact the double negative has led to proof positive.”

“- Professor Plum: Is there gonna be a cover up?
– Wadsworth: Isn’t that in the public interest? What could be gained by exposure?
– Professor Plum: But is the FBI in the habit of cleaning up after a multiple murder?
– Wadsworth: Yes. Why do you think it’s run by a man called Hoover?”

“- Colonel Mustard: How can you make jokes at a time like this?
– Miss Scarlet: It’s my defense mechanism.
– Colonel Mustard: Some defense. If I was the killer, I would kill you next.”

“I have something to say. I’m not going to wait for Wadsworth here to unmask me. I work for the State Department, and I’m a homosexual. I feel no personal shame or guilt about this, but I must keep it a secret, or I will lose my job on security grounds.”

“Yvette, could you attend to the Colonel and give him anything he requires? Within reason, that is.”

“- Wadsworth: Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.
– Professor Plum: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.
– Wadsworth: So your work has not changed.”

“- Miss Scarlet: I hardly think it will enhance your reputation at the U.N. Professor Plum, if it’s revealed that you have been implicated not only in adultery with one of your patients, but in her death and the deaths of five other people.
– Professor Plum: You don’t know what kind of people they have at the U.N., I might go up in their estimation.”

“- Colonel Mustard: Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?
– Wadsworth: You don’t need any help from me, sir.
– Colonel Mustard: That’s right!”

“- Wadsworth: Three murders?
– Mr. Green: Six altogether.
– Wadsworth: This is getting serious.”

“- Professor Plum: What are you afraid of, a fate worse than death?
– Mrs. Peacock: No, just death, isn’t that enough?”

Wadsworth : You *were* jealous that your husband was schtupping Yvette. That’s why you killed him, too!

Mrs. White : Yes. Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her, so much…

[stammers] 

Mrs. White : it-it- the f – it -flam – flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths… Heathing…”

Miss Scarlet : Maybe there is life after death.

Mrs. White : Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage!”

Colonel Mustard : Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there’s nobody else in this house?

Wadsworth : Um… no.

Colonel Mustard : Then there is someone else in this house?

Wadsworth : Sorry, I said “no” meaning “yes.”

Colonel Mustard : “No” meaning “yes?” Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn’t there, yes, or no?

Wadsworth : No.

Colonel Mustard : No there is, or no there isn’t?

Wadsworth : Yes.

Mrs. White : [shatters glass]  PLEASE!”

Wadsworth : Mrs. White, you’ve been paying our friend, the blackmailer, ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances?

Miss Scarlet : Ah!

[laughs] 

Mrs. White : Why is that funny?

Miss Scarlet : I see! That’s why he was lying on his back, in his coffin.

Mrs. White : I didn’t kill him.

Colonel Mustard : Then why are you paying the blackmailer?

Mrs. White : I dont want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was

[points to head] 

Mrs. White : a lunatic! He didn’t actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.

Miss Scarlet : Why would he wanna kill you in public?

Wadsworth : I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.

[rolls eyes] 

Miss Scarlet : Oh. Was that his final word on the matter?

Mrs. White : Being killed is pretty final, wouldn’t you say?

Wadsworth : And yet, he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you!

Miss Scarlet : What did he do for a living?

Mrs. White : He was a scientist, nuclear physics.

Miss Scarlet : What was he like?

Mrs. White : He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I’m afraid it came as a great shock to hime when he died, but, he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off, and so had his, uh… you *know*.

[Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, and Mr. Green cross legs] 

Mrs. White : I had been out all evening at the movies.

Miss Scarlet : Do you miss him?

Mrs. White : Well, it’s a matter of life after death. Now that he’s dead, I have a life.

Wadsworth : But, he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.

Mrs. White : But that was his job. He was an illusionist.

Wadsworth : But he never reappeared!

Mrs. White : [admittedly]  He wasn’t a very good illusionist.”

Colonel Mustard : How many husbands have you had?

Mrs. White : Mine or other women’s?

Colonel Mustard : Yours.

Mrs. White : Five.

Colonel Mustard : Five?

Mrs. White : Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong and disposable.

Colonel Mustard : You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.

Mrs. White : Flies are where men are most vulnerable.

Colonel Mustard : Right!”

Mrs. White : [after Mrs. Peacock swears that the reason she’s being blackmailed is a vicious lie]  Well, I am willing to believe you. I, too, am being blackmailed for something I didn’t do.

Mr. Green : Me too.

Colonel Mustard : And me.

Miss Scarlet : Not me.

Wadsworth : [surprised]  You’re *not* being blackmailed?

Miss Scarlet : Oh, I’m being blackmailed all right, but I did what I’m being blackmailed for.

Mr. Green : What did you do?

Miss Scarlet : Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a telephone service which provides gentlemen with the company of a young lady, for a short while.

Professor Plum : Oh yeah?

[pulls out pen and a pad of paper] 

Professor Plum : What’s the phone number?”

Mrs. White : [after Mr. Green shoots Wadsworth]  Are you a cop?

Mr. Green : No, I’m a plant.

Miss Scarlet : A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.

Mr. Green : Very funny. FBI. That phone call from J. Edgar Hoover was for me.

[opens the door] 

Mr. Green : Told you I didn’t do it!”

Mrs. Peacock : What are you all staring at?

Mr. Green : Nothing.

Mrs. Peacock : Well who’s there?

Colonel Mustard : Nobody.

Mrs. Peacock : What do you mean?

Wadsworth : Nobody. No body, that’s what we mean. Mr. Boddy’s body, it’s gone.

Mrs. White : Maybe he wasn’t dead.

Professor Plum : He was!

Mrs. White : We should’ve made sure.

Mrs. Peacock : How?

[muttering] 

Mrs. Peacock : By cutting his head off, I suppose.

Mrs. White : That was uncalled for!”

[Plum and White are looking at the photographic negatives] 

Mrs. White : Oh my! Nobody can get into THAT position.

Professor Plum : Sure they can. Let me show you.

[lays her down on the couch and gets on top of her] 

Mrs. White : Get off me!”

Mrs. White : You’ve got blood on your hands.

Mr. Green : I DIDN’T DO IT!”

Mrs. White : [Smashes glass on fireplace]  PLEASE! Don’t you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what’s been going on here!

[Drops thre rest of the glass with a crash] 

Miss Scarlet : Yeah!

Professor Plum : How can we throw him outside in this weather?

Miss Scarlet : If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious!

Professor Plum : If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious!

Colonel Mustard : If I were him, I’d be suspicious already!

Mrs. Peacock : [hysterical]  Oh, who cares? That guy doesn’t matter! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then… and there are two dead bodies in the study!

All : Shhhhhhhhhhh!”

Colonel Mustard : Mr. Boddy threatened to send those pictures to my dear old mother, the shock would’ve killed her.

Mrs. White : Oh, that would’ve been quite an achievement, since you told us that she’s dead already.

[to Wadsworth] 

Mrs. White : So, he had the motive.

Wadsworth : You *all* had a motive.”

Mrs. White : Well, one of us must have killed him!”

Mrs. White : How did you get in?

Mr. Green : The door was locked!

Mrs. White : It’s a great trick!”

Miss Scarlet : [looks in an envelope]  What’s this, Wadsworth?

Wadsworth : I’m afraid those are the negatives to which Colonel Mustard earlier referred.

Colonel Mustard : Oh my God!

Miss Scarlet : Were you planning to blackmail him, Wadsworth?

Wadsworth : Certainly not! I detained them for the colonel and I was going to give them back as soon as Mr. Boddy was unmasked.

Miss Scarlet : Mm, very pretty! Would you like to see these, Yvette, they might shock you.

Yvette : No, merci. I am a lady.

Miss Scarlet : Oh, how do you know what kind of pictures they are if you’re such a lay-dee?

Professor Plum : What sort of pictures are they?

Colonel Mustard : They are *my* pictures and I’d like them back, please!

Miss Scarlet : No, I’m afraid there’s something in them that concerns me, too.

Professor Plum : Let me see.

Mrs. White : [gasps]  Oh no, nobody can get into that position.

Professor Plum : Sure they can. Let me show you.

[tries to do the position] 

Mrs. White : Get off me!”

Mrs. White : So what do you do, Professor?

Professor Plum : I work for UNO, the United Nations Organization.

Colonel Mustard : Another politician. Jesus!

Professor Plum : No, I work for a branch of UNO. W.H.O., the World Health Organization.”

Mrs. White : Oh, you’re a doctor?

Professor Plum : I am, but I don’t practice.

Miss Scarlet : Practice makes perfect. Ha! I think most men need a little practice, don’t you Mrs. Peacock?”

Wadsworth : Do come in, Madam. You are expected.

Mrs. White : Do you know who I am?

Wadsworth : Only that you are to be known as Mrs. White.

Mrs. White : Yes. It said so in the letter. But why?”

Wadsworth : You recognized Yvette, didn’t you? Don’t deny it!

Mrs. White : What do you mean, “Don’t deny it”? I’m not denying anything!

Wadsworth : Another denial!

Mrs. White : Thhbbtt!”

Mrs. Peacock : So, what does your husband do?

Mrs. White : [quickly]  Nothing!

Mrs. Peacock : Nothing?

Mrs. White : Well, he just lies around on his back all day.

Miss Scarlet : Sounds like hard work to me.”

Wadsworth : Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you.

Mr. Green : You’re a bit late for that! I hate it when he does that.

Mrs. White : Ahhh!”

Colonel Mustard : [gesturing to another place setting at the dinner table]  So, is this for our host?

Wadsworth : No, sir, for the seventh guest, Mr Boddy.

Mrs. White : I thought Mr. Boddy was our host.

All : So did I.

Mrs. White : So, who is our host Mr. Wadsworth?”

Mrs. White : You say you are used to being a hostess as part of your husband’s work?

Mrs. Peacock : Yes, it’s an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a… Oh, but then I forgot, we’re not supposed to say who we really are, though, heavens to Betsy, I don’t know why.

Colonel Mustard : Don’t you?

Mr. Green : I know who you are.

Miss Scarlet : Aren’t you gonna tell us?

Mrs. Peacock : How do you know who I am?

Mr. Green : I work in Washington, too.

Professor Plum : Washington? So you’re a politician’s wife?

Mrs. Peacock : Yes, I-I am.

Colonel Mustard : Well, come on then, who’s your husband?”

Mrs. White : [referring to negatives of Colonel Mustard’s private photos]  Nobody can get into that position.

Professor Plum : Sure they can. Let me show you.

[attempts the sexual position with Mrs. White] 

Mrs. White : Get off me!”

Wadsworth : Ladies and gentlemen, the police will be here in about forty-five minutes. Tell them the truth and Mr. Boddy will be behind bars.

[Mr. Boddy starts out of the room] 

Wadsworth : Where are you going this time?

Mr. Boddy : I think I can help them make up their minds. Can I just get my little bag from the hall?

[Mr. Boddy walks into the hall, grabs the bag, returns and places the bag on the table, opening it] 

Mr. Boddy : Who can guess what’s in here? Huh?

Miss Scarlet : The evidence against us, no doubt.

Mrs. White : We didn’t know we were meeting you tonight. Did you know you were meeting us?

Mr. Boddy : Oh, yes.

Mrs. White : What were you told, precisely?

Mr. Boddy : Merely that you were all meeting to discuss our little financial arrangements, and if I did not appear, Wadsworth would be informing the police about it all. Naturally, I could hardly resist putting in an appearance.

[Mr. Boddy walks away from the group, towards the drink table] 

Mr. Boddy : Excuse me. Open them.

Miss Scarlet : Why not? I enjoy getting presents from strange men.”

Professor Plum : [Mr. Boddy is apparently dead after Mrs. Peacock has turned the lights back on. Professor Plum is knelt down to check if Mr. Boddy is alive]  Stand back! Give him air! Let me see.

[Professor Plum checks for a pulse or any sign of breathing] 

Professor Plum : He’s dead!

Mrs. White : Who had the gun?

Professor Plum : I did.

Mrs. Peacock : Then you shot him.

Professor Plum : I didn’t!

Mrs. Peacock : Well, you had the gun; if you didn’t shoot him, who did?

Professor Plum : [Professor Plum flips Mr. Boddy over]  Nobody! Look, there’s no gunshot wound. Somebody tried to grab the gun from me in the dark and the gun went off.

[Professor Plum points to the wall] 

Professor Plum : Look, the bullet broke that vase on the mantle.

Colonel Mustard : [the group begins rushing to the spot where the bullet hit and Colonel Mustard bumps into Professor Plum]  I’m sorry, excuse me. He’s absolutely right. Look, there’s a bullet hole here in the wall, see that?

Mr. Green : [In a demanding tone]  How did he die?

Professor Plum : [In an aggravated tone]  I don’t know! I’m not a forensic expert.”

Wadsworth : [Wadsworth has just returned inside after throwing the key to the cupboard away]  Well, what now?

Mrs. White : Wadsworth, let me out.

Wadsworth : No.

Mrs. White : Why not?

Wadsworth : We’ve gotta know who did it. We’re all in this together now.

Mrs. Peacock : If you leave, I’ll say that you killed them both.

Miss Scarlet : Me too.

Mr. Green : Me too.

Colonel Mustard : Me too.

Mrs. White : [Suddenly becoming mysteriously flirtatious]  Oh, Wadsworth, I’ll make you sorry you ever started this.

[She grabs hold of Wadsworth’s tie, rubbing his chest] 

Mrs. White : One day, when we’re alone together…

Wadsworth : Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be alone together with you.

Mrs. White : [Letting go of Wadsworth]  Oh.”

Wadsworth : Let’s consider each murder one by one. Professor Plum, you knew that Mr. Boddy was still alive. Even psychiatrists can tell the difference between patients who are alive or dead. You fired the gun in the dark and missed. So, you pretended he was dead, that’s how you were able to kill him later, unobserved.

Miss Scarlet : That’s right! He was the missing person in the kitchen after we found the cook dead!

Mr. Green : But he was with us in the Billiard Room when we found Yvette screaming. If that’s when the cook was killed, how did he do it?

Mrs. Peacock : I didn’t!

Mrs. Peacock : Oh, you don’t expect us to believe that, do you?

Wadsworth : [to Mrs. Peacock]  I expect *you* to believe it. *You* killed the cook. She used to be your cook, and she informed on you to Mr. Boddy. You made one fatal mistake.

[Leading everyone back to the Dining Room] 

Wadsworth : Sitting here, at dinner, Mrs. Peacock told us she was eating one of her favorite recipes. And monkey’s brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C.

[Leads the group to the front door] 

Wadsworth : Colonel Mustard, when we saw the motorist at the front door, you took the key to the weapons cupboard out of my pocket. Then, you suggested that we all split up. You separated from Ms. Scarlet, crossed the hall, opened the cupboard, took the wrench, ran to the Conservatory, entered the Lounge through the secret passage, and killed the motorist with a blow on the head, like *that*!

[Wadsworth takes Mrs. White by the hand from the Conservatory and up the stairs] 

Mrs. White : This is incredible!

Wadsworth : Not so incredible as what happened next! After we had all split up again, I went upstairs with you-yes, *you* Mrs. White-and while I was in the Master Bedroom, you hurried downstairs and turned off the electricity, got the rope from the cupboard, and throttled Yvette. You were jealous that your husband was shtupping Yvette, that’s why you killed him, too!”

“Mrs. White:
He was deranged he was… lunatic. He didnt seem to like me very much he had threatened to kill me in public.

Miss Scarlet:
Why would he want to kill you in public?

Wadsworth:
I think she meant, he threatened in public to kill her.

Miss Scarlet:
Oh.”

“Wadsworth:
Frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn.”

“Cop:
You all seem to be very anxious about something.

Wadsworth:
It’s the chandelier. It fell down, almost killed us.”

“Mrs. Peacock:
Uh, is there a little girl’s room in the hall?

Yvette:
Oui oui, Madame.

Mrs. Peacock:
No, I just have to powder my nose.”

“Cop:
And why are you receiving phone calls from J. Edgar Hoover?

Wadsworth:
J. Edgar Hoover?

Cop:
That’s right. The head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Colonel Mustard:
Why is J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?

Wadsworth:
I don’t know. He’s on everyone else’s, why shouldn’t he be on mine?”

“Colonel Mustard:
Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there is no body else in this house?

Wadsworth:
Ummm, no.

Colonel Mustard:
Then there is someone else in this house?

Wadsworth:
No, sorry. I said no meaning yes.

Colonel Mustard:
No meaning yes? Look I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn’t there? Yes or no?

Wadsworth:
Ummm, no.

Colonel Mustard:
No there is, or no there isn’t?

Wadsworth:
Yes.”

“Colonel Mustard:
How many husbands have you had?

Mrs. White:
Mine, or other women’s?

Colonel Mustard:
Yours.

Mrs. White:
Five.

Colonel Mustard:
FIVE?

Mrs. White:
Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.

Colonel Mustard:
You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.

Mrs. White:
Flies are where men are most vulnerable.

Colonel Mustard:
That’s right!”

“Colonel Mustard:
Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there is anybody else in this house.

Wadsworth:
I told you there isn’t.

Colonel Mustard:
There isn’t any confusion, or there isn’t anybody else?

Wadsworth:
Either, or both.

Colonel Mustard:
Just give me a clear answer.

Wadsworth:
Certainly.

Wadsworth:
What was the question?

Colonel Mustard:
Is there anybody else in the house.”

“Colonel Mustard:
This is war Peacock. Casualties are inevitable. You can not make an omelette without breaking some eggs, every cook will tell you that.

Mrs. Peacock:
But look what happened to the cook.”

“Miss Scarlet:
Why has the car stopped?

Professor Plum:
It’s frightened.”

“Colonel Mustard:
And are you the host?

Wadsworth:
Me, sir? No, I’m just the humble butler.

Colonel Mustard:
And what exactly is it you do here?

Wadsworth:
I buttle, sir.”

“Mr. Green:
I didn’t do it.”

“Mr. Green:
But this is ridiculous. If he were such a patriotic American, why didn’t he just report us to the authorities?

Wadsworth:
He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money off of it. What could be more American than that?”

Mrs. White:
It’s a matter of life after death, now that he’s dead I have a life.

“Colonel Mustard:
Do you like Kipling, Miss Scarlett?

Miss Scarlet:
Sure. I’ll eat anything.”

“Wadsworth:
See? Just like the Mounties, we always get our man.

Mr. Green:
Mrs. Peacock was a man?”

“Mr. Green:
They all did it. But if you wanna know who killed Mr. Boddy, I did. In the hall. With the revolver. All right, Chief, take’em away. I’m gonna go home and sleep with my wife.”

“Wadsworth:
I can explain everything…

Cop:
You don’t have to.

Wadsworth:
I don’t?

Cop:
No, there’s nothing illegal about any of this.

Wadsworth:
Are you sure?

Cop:
Of course, this is America.

Wadsworth:
I see…

Cop:
It’s a free country, don’t you know that?

Wadsworth:
I didn’t know it was THAT free.”

“Wadsworth:
But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.

Mrs. White:
But that was his job. He was an illusionist.

Wadsworth:
But he never reappeared.

Mrs. White:
He wasn’t a very good illusionist.”

“Mr. Green:
Who would wanna kill the cook?

Miss Scarlet:
Dinner wasn’t that bad.

Colonel Mustard:
How can you make jokes at a time like this?

Miss Scarlet:
It’s my defense mechanism.

Colonel Mustard:
Some defense, if I was the killer, I would kill you next.

Colonel Mustard:
I said *if*. *If*.”

Wadsworth:
Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.

Professor Plum:
Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.

Wadsworth:
Then your work has not changed.

Wadsworth:
A double negative!

Colonel Mustard:
Double negative? You mean you have photographs?

Wadsworth:
That sounds like a confession to me. In fact the double negative has led to proof positive. I’m afraid you gave yourself away.

Colonel Mustard:
Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

Wadsworth:
You don’t need any help from me, sir.

Colonel Mustard:
That’s right!

Professor Plum:
What are you afraid of, a fate worse than death?

Mrs. Peacock:
No, just death, isn’t that enough?

“Colonel Mustard:
How many husbands have you had?

Mrs. White:
Mine or other women’s?

Colonel Mustard:
Yours.

Mrs. White:
Five.

Colonel Mustard:
Five?

Mrs. White:
Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft strong and disposable.

Colonel Mustard:
You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.

Mrs. White:
Flies are where men are most vulnerable.

Colonel Mustard:
Right!”

Mrs. White:
Are you a cop?

Mr. Green:
No, I’m a plant.

Miss Scarlet:
A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.

Mr. Green:
Very funny.

Professor Plum:
Is there going to be a cover up?

Wadsworth:
Isn’t that in the public interest? What could be gained by exposure?

Professor Plum:
But is the FBI in the habit of cleaning up after multiple murders?

Wadsworth:
Yes. Why do you think it’s run by a man called Hoover?

Miss Scarlet:
Communism was just a red herring.

Professor Plum:
What is your top-secret job, Colonel?

Wadsworth:
I can tell you. He’s working on the secret of the next fusion bomb.

Colonel Mustard:
How did you know that?

Wadsworth:
Can you keep a secret?

Colonel Mustard:
Yes…

Wadsworth:
So can I.

Mr. Green:
So it was you. I was going to expose you.

Wadsworth:
I know. So I choose to expose myself.

Colonel Mustard:
Please, there are ladies present.

Mr. Boddy:
In your hands, you each have a lethal weapon. If you denounce me to the police, you will also be exposed and humiliated. I’ll see to that in court. But, if one of you kills Wadsworth now, no one but the seven of us will ever know. He has the key to the front door, which he said would only be opened over his dead body. I suggest we take him up on that offer. The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front pages is for one of you to kill Wadsworth. NOW.

Wadsworth:
Over my dead body.

Mr. Green:
He couldn’t have been dead.

Professor Plum:
He was. At least I thought he was, but what difference does it make now?

Miss Scarlet:
Makes quite a difference to him.

Mrs. White:
He was always a stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I’m afraid it came as a great shock when he died but he was found at died at home his head had been cut off and, um, so had his, umm… you KNOW.

Mrs. Peacock:
Everything all right?

Colonel Mustard:
Yup, two corpses, everything’s fine!

Mrs. Peacock:
What are you all staring at?

Mr. Green:
Nothing.

Mrs. Peacock:
Well who’s there?

Colonel Mustard:
Nobody.

Mrs. Peacock:
What do you mean?

Wadsworth:
Nobody. No body, that’s what we mean. Mr. Boddy’s body, it’s gone.

Wadsworth:
The game’s up, Scarlet. There are no more bullets left in that gun.

Miss Scarlet:
Oh come on, you don’t think I’m gonna fall for that old trick?

Wadsworth:
It’s not a trick. There was one shot at Mr. Boddy in the Study; two for the chandelier; two at the Lounge door and one for the singing telegram.

Miss Scarlet:
That’s not six.

Wadsworth:
One plus two plus two plus one.

Miss Scarlet:
Uh-uh, there was only one shot that got the chandelier. That’s one plus two plus ONE plus one.

Wadsworth:
Even if you were right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus TWO plus one plus one.

Miss Scarlet:
Okay, fine. One plus two plus one… SHUT UP! The point is, there is one bullet left in this gun and guess who’s gonna get it?

Wadsworth:
At the beginning of the evening, I was in the hallway. I know because I was there.

Mrs. Peacock:
“Oh, who ever it is, they gotta go away or they’ll be killed.”

Mrs. White:
Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her so… much… it… it… the… it… the… flames… flames… flames… on the side of my face… breathing… breathless… heaving breaths…

Colonel Mustard:
Mr. Boddy threatened to send those pictures to my mother, the shock would’ve killer her.

Mrs. White:
That would’ve been quite an achievement, since you told us that she’s dead already.

The singing Telegram girl:
I am your singing telegram.

Mrs. White:
Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage.

Professor Plum:
And what was your role in all this?

Wadsworth:
I was a victim, too. At least my wife was. She had friends who were

Wadsworth:
Socialists.

Wadsworth:
Well, we all make mistakes.

Wadsworth:
Anyway, Mr. Boddy threatened to give my wife’s name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless she named them. She refused, and so he blackmailed her. We had no money, and the price of his silence was that we worked for him for nothing. We were slaves.

“Wadsworth:
I too was a victim of the blackmail. My wife had friends that were…

Wadsworth:
Socialists!”

“Wadsworth:
Well, I had to stop her screaming.”

“Mr. Green:
You’re Mr. Boddy.

Professor Plum:
Wait a minute. So who did I kill?

Wadsworth:
My butler.

Professor Plum:
Oh, shucks.

Wadsworth:
He was expendable like all of you. I really am grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers. Saved me a lot of trouble. Now there is no evidence against me.”

“Wadsworth:
Good shot, Green.

Wadsworth:
Oh, VERY good…”

The Chief:
Good evening. Have you ever given any thought to the kingdom of heaven?

Mrs. Peacock:
What?

The Chief:
Repent. The kingdom of heaven IS at hand.

Miss Scarlet:
You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie.

The Chief:
Armageddon is almost upon us.

Professor Plum:
I got news for you – it’s already here.

Mrs. Peacock:
Go away.

The Chief:
But your souls are in danger.

Mrs. Peacock:
Our lives our in danger, you beatnik.

Wadsworth:
The key is gone!

Professor Plum:
Never mind about the key, unlock the door!

Mr. Green:
I CAN’T UNLOCK THE DOOR WITHOUT THE KEY! Let us in! Let us in!

Colonel Mustard:

Colonel Mustard:
There’s still one thing I don’t understand.

Mrs. White:
One thing?

Wadsworth:
Yvette, will you attend to the Colonel and give him anything he wants… within reason, that is.

Wadsworth:
Mr. Boddy’s body, it’s gone.

Mrs. White:
Maybe he wasn’t dead.

Professor Plum:
He was.

Mrs. White:
We should’ve made sure.

Mrs. Peacock:
How? By cutting his head off, I suppose.

Mrs. White:
That was uncalled for.

Wadsworth:
…and to make a long story short…

Mrs. Peacock:
What does you husband do?

Mrs. White:
Nothing.

Mrs. Peacock:
Nothing?

Mrs. White:
Well, he just lies around on his back all day.

Miss Scarlet:
Sounds like hard work to me.

Colonel Mustard:
What room is this?

Miss Scarlet:
Search me.

Colonel Mustard:
All right.

Miss Scarlet:
Get your mitts off me.

“Wadsworth:

Three murders? This is getting serious.

The Motorist:
Where is it?

Wadsworth:
What? The body?

The Motorist:
The phone. What body?

Wadsworth:
No body. I mean, nobody. There is nobody in the study.”

“Colonel Mustard:
How did you know?

Wadsworth:
This house belongs to a friend of mine. I’ve known all along.

Mr. Green:
So you could be the murderer.

Wadsworth:
Don’t be ridiculous. If I was the murderer, why would I reveal to you how I did it?”

“Colonel Mustard:
It must be the murderer.

Mr. Green:
Why would HE scream?”

Professor Plum:
Why don’t we start while it’s still hot.

Mrs. Peacock:
Oh now, shouldn’t we wait for the other guest?

Yvette:
I vil keep sumsing varm for him.

Miss Scarlet:
What did you have in mind, dear?”

Mrs. White:
Oh my! Nobody can get into THAT position.

Professor Plum:
Sure they can. Let me show you.

Mrs. White:
Get off me!

“Cop:
Uh, can I use your phone?

Wadsworth:
Of course you can sir! There’s a phone in the loun… no. But I think you could use the one in the stud… no. Uh, would you be kind enough to wait in the… the library?”

“Miss Scarlet:
Well to be perfectly frank, I run a specialised hotel and a telephone service, which provide gentlemen with the company of a young lady for a short while.

Professor Plum:
Oh yeah?

Professor Plum:
What’s the phone number?”

“Wadsworth:
And then the gong struck the cook!”

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