Have some heart laugh and great family time with these 70+ Clean Christian Jokes for X-mas Fun! Here we go on Clean Christian Jokes for a laughter spell!
What Would Jesus Drive?
Q: Did you realize that they had vehicles in Jesus’ time?
A: Yes, the Bible says that the pupils were every one of one Accord.
To start with, God made the earth and rested.
At that point God made Man and rested.
At that point God made Woman.
From that point forward, neither God nor Man has rested.
Who Makes the Coffee??
A wedded couple were contending who is making the espresso, the spouse said that in the Bible it says that men should make the espresso and the husband asked her where it said that. The spouse opened the Bible and stated: “Directly here in HEBREWS!”
A Woman at the Post Office
A Woman went to the Post Office to purchase stamps for her Christmas cards.
“What Denomination?” Asked the agent.
“Gracious, wow! Have we resulted in these present circumstances?” said the lady.
“Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic!”
So be it!
Q: Why do they say ‘So be it’ toward the finish of a supplication rather than ‘Awomen’?
An: a similar explanation they sing Hymns rather than hers!
As the tempest seethed, the skipper understood his ship was sinking quickly. He got out, “Anybody here ability to supplicate?” One man ventured forward. “Yes, Captain, I realize how to implore.” “Great,” said the commander, “you ask while all of us put on our life coats – we’re one short.”
Now you realize why you need these Clean Christian Jokes? So, without any inhibitions read out these Clean Christian Jokes and spread the cheer!
Does God love everyone?
Yes, but He prefers “fruits of the spirit” to “religious nuts!”
What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness and a Unitarian?
Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason.
Why did the unemployed man get excited while reading his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Who was the greatest moneyman in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
What time of day was Adam created?
Just a little before Eve.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam. He was first in the human race.
Why are atoms Catholic?
Because they have mass.
Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was always standing on the deck
Why didn’t Noah ever go fishing?
He only had two worms.
Did Eve ever have a date with Adam?
Nope — just an apple.
If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was a little lamb…
Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
What’s so funny about forbidden fruits?
They create many jams.
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
He just knew there was something fishy about it.
What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose.
Mosquitoes come close, though.
What kind of car does Jesus typically drive?
What excuse did Adam give his children about why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home!
Who was the first tennis player in the bible?
Joseph because he served in Pharaoh’s court
Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
David — he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep
How do groups of angels greet each other?
Halo, halo, halo!
What do we have that Adam never had?
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it, obviously.
Who do mice pray to?
How do you make Holy Water?
You take some regular water and boil the devil out of it.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
Did you know they had cars in Jesus’ time?
Yup. The Bible says the disciples were all of one Accord.
Why do they say ‘Amen’ at the end of a prayer instead of ‘Awomen’?
Same reason we sing Hymns instead of Hers!
What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Did you hear about the 1-800 service they have for atheists now?
You dial the number and it rings and rings but nobody answers
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson — he brought the house down
Who was the best female finance lady in the Bible?
Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet
What do they call pastors in Germany?
A: German Shepherds
Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
What’s the best way to study the Bible?
You Luke into it.
What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy.
What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.
Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Why wasn’t Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
When you get to your wit’s end, You’ll find God lives there.
What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear? A hole in it.
I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
Prayer: Don’t give God instructions — just report for duty!
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma – but never let him be the period.
If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has.
I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don’t have as many people who believe it.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Deja Vu – When you think you’re doing something you’ve done before, it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.
The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.