100+ Clark Griswold Quotes From The National Lampoon Series

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Clark Griswold popular quotes

These Clark Griswold quotes are from The National Lampoon Series. There are so many Clark Griswold quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Clark Griswold quotes exists just do that.

Clark W. Griswold, Jr. is the primary hero in four of the five dramatic movies in the “Excursion” establishment. In the fifth motion picture, he has a brief however profoundly huge job. He is the patriarch of the Griswold Family and is continually scanning for experience. He is regularly know to go into colossal tempers when his family drives him insane, likewise he’s a tease. He’s the dad of Rusty and Audrey and the Husband of Ellen. Very few individuals might know that the consummation of the 1983 current parody exemplary, National Lampoon’s Vacation, is really a totally re-shot goals. As in the last form Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) and his family at long last land at the Walley World entertainment mecca, just to think that it’s shut for fixes. Be that as it may, in the first closure, subsequent to acquiring the BB weapon, Clark additionally purchases a guide of the stars homes and tracks down Roy Walley himself at his home where he is having a gathering in his terrace. Clark seeks retribution on Walley and his workers by holding them at gunpoint and constraining them to engage him and his family by singing and moving for them. The police appear at capture Clark and are going to take him to imprison when all of a sudden, the strange excellent lady in the red games vehicle played by Christie Brinkley appears and uncovers herself to be Roy Walley’s little girl! After some persuading, she persuades her dad to drop the charges.

The last scene was to demonstrate the Griswolds on a plane heading back home (wearing reciprocal Walley World caps) just to discover that they’re on an inappropriate flight! Clark at that point captures the plane and endeavors to get the pilots to change course. After the motion picture wrapped and was altered, it was appeared to test crowds, and as indicated by chief Harold Ramis, they were very engaged by the film, be that as it may, when the film arrived at the completion, the group of spectators was not exactly satisfied, essentially on the grounds that the genuine Walley World park was never appeared, in spite of having been developed to for the entire film. In this way, John Hughes was taken back to compose the new completion and Warner Bros. permitted the cast and group four days to shoot the new film, which was recorded at the Six Flags event congregation. None of the recording of the first consummation has surfaced right up ’til the present time, just a couple of photos have been discharged. Chevy Chase declared on the sound editorial for the film’s twentieth commemoration DVD that he had a duplicate of the film with the first completion, however Warner Bros. has demonstrated no enthusiasm for discharging it in any capacity.

We have dug up these Clark Griswold quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of Clark Griswold Sayings in a single place. These famous Clark Griswold quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular Clark Griswold quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of Clark Griswold quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences: –

“I really shouldn’t, Eddie, my hands are all chapped.”

Clark Griswold best quotes

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“Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis?

Clark Griswold famous quotes

“I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.”

Clark Griswold popular quotes

“LOTTA SAP in here, Little full, Lotta sap!!”

Clark Griswold quotes

“Well honey, what do you suggest?

Clark Griswold saying

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“Well I’m gonna park the cars and get the suit cases, and well, I’ll be outside for the season.”

“[as an entourage of suits – lead by Clark’s boss – passes by single file] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”

“[the newel post is wobbly so Clark cuts it off with a chain saw] Fixed the newel post.”

“The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the the thspirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.”

“Can’t see the line, can you Russ?”

“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny ****ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”

“Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?”

“We’re kicking off our fun old-fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel-drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.”

“Ellen: Clark, I think it’d be best if everyone went home… before things get worse.
Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.”

“Art: The little lights…they aren’t twinkling.
Clark: I know, Art. Thanks for noticing.”

“Clark: We’re from out of town.
Man Giving Directions: No shit.”

“Clark: Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best.”

“[In Cousin Normy’s backyard in the pouring rain]
Ellen Griswold: We can’t leave her on the patio!”

“Clark: Would you rather I slipped her in the night deposit box at the funeral home?”

“Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes…or perhaps you don’t want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?”

“Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”

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“Ellen Griswold: We’re not really violent people. This is our first gun.
Clark Griswold: No, it isn’t.”

“Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”

“Rusty Griswold: Dad, this tree won’t fit in our backyard.
Clark: It’s not going in the yard, Russ. It’s going in the living room.”

“Clark: Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.
Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust.Clark: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.
Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
Clark: How’d you get through it?
Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.”

“Well I’m gonna park the cars and get check the luggage, and well, I’ll be outside for the season.”

“Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.”

“Ellen: Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.
Clark: That’s all part of the experience, honey.”

“Clark: Russ, go get the hammer.
Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for?
Clark: I’m gonna catch it in the coat…and smack it with the hammer.”

“The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.”

“Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I’m doing just fine, Clark.”

“Ruby Sue: Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain’t Santa Claus?
Clark: I’m sure… I can’t even afford to be an elf.”

“Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the expressway?
Pimp: Fuck yo mama!
Clark: Thank you very much.”

“Lasky: Has your father ever killed anyone?
Rusty: Just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna.
Clark: Hey you can’t prove that, Russ.”

“I’m making this out for one thousand dollars. All you have to do is give me 300 dollars in cash and keep 700 dollars, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.”

“I don’t give a frog’s fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna’s purse?”

“Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sleigh on its way in from New York City.
Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?”

“Uncle Lewis: Hey Grizz, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you.
Clark: Aw, you didn’t have to get me anything.
Uncle Lewis: Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.”

“Clark: [Revealing his Christmas ‘bonus’] It’s a one year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.
Eddie: Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.”

“Clark: Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, we’re all in for a real treat!
Eddie: Save the neck for me, Clark.
Clark: Okay Eddie…”

“Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things.
Cousin Catherine Johnson: Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.”

“Why aren’t we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.”

“Ellen: You set standards that no family activity can live up to.
Clark: When have I ever done that?
Ellen: Parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays…
Clark: Goodnight, Ellen.
Ellen: Vacations, graduations…”

“Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. Him’s nervous.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shittin’ bricks.
Clark: You shouldn’t use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin’ rocks.”

“[Clark is about to cut the rope holding the branches of his huge Christmas tree] I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. [He cuts the rope, and the branches fly out, breaking windows and surrounding Clark] Lotta sap in here! Mmmm… Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.”

“Cousin Eddie: I don’t know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than Tuna Helper myself, don’t you, Clark?
Clark: You’re the gourmet around here, Eddie.”

“Ellen Griswold: Clark, let’s just skip the House of Mud. I think Dodge City was enough fun for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
Clark: It’s living history, Ellen. But if you’d rather see your cousins. Personally I’d rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.”

“Ellen Griswold: I honestly don’t think you’re going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
Clark: Jesus, it’s only the biggest damn hole in the world.
Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
Clark: Make that the second biggest.”

“Don’t let your mother smell that beer on your breath.”

“[Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswolds’ yuppie neighbors, appear]
Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?
Clark: Bend over and I’ll show you.
Todd: You’ve got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold.
Clark: I wasn’t talking to you.”

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“Clark: Russ, we checked every bulb, didn’t we?”
Rusty Griswold: Sure, Dad.
Clark: Hmm… Maybe we ought to just go up there and check…
Rusty Griswold: Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car…”

“Ellen: What are you looking at?
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn… the clean, cool chill of the holiday air… an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer… [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV’s toilet] Shitter was full.
Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?
Ellen: Clark, please. He doesn’t know any better.
clark: He oughta know it’s illegal. That’s a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it.”

“Clark: Oh, I was just smelling—smiling. I was just blouse—browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn’t… Oh hee hee, it wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they—HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn’t it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?”

“Clark: [the Christmas dinner table shudders, and loud gagging noises come from underneath. Clark looks to see where its coming from] Edward, what’s wrong with the dog?
Eddie: [Looks underneath the table] Oh, he’s just yakkin’ on a bone. [Grotesque barfing noises] He’s got it up! [Winks at Clark that everything’s okay]
Clark: Maybe if you wouldn’t feed him from the table?
Eddie: No. No, he’s probably just been nosing through the trash. [Shows kitchen, which looks like the city dump]”

“Clark: I think you’re all fucked in the head. We’re ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. You’re gonna have fun, and I’m gonna have fun… We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’re gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Rusty Griswold: [Grabs Clark’s shoulder] Dad, you want an aspirin?
Clark: Don’t touch!”

“Eddie: Don’t go puttin’ none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so. So over at the VA they had to replace it with plastic. It ain’t as strong so I don’t know if I should go sailin’ down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: You really think it matters, Eddie?”

“Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany’s 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.
Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear?
Nora Griswold: Grace!
Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago.
Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace. [Bethany shakes her head in confusion] The BLESSING!
Aunt Bethany: [they all pose for prayer] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Clark: Amen.”

“Clark: We’re kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.
Audrey: We’re not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?
Clark: No, I have one of those at home.”

“Clark: No, Eddie. It was my fault. I lost my temper when I got my bonus and I guess I said a few thing I shouldn’t have.
Mr. Frank Shirley: Bonus? How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year.
Clark: Yeah. Thanks for telling us. I was expecting a check. Instead I got enrolled in a jelly club. 17 years with the company. I’ve gotten a Christmas bonus every year but this one. You don’t want to give bonuses, fine. But when people count on them as their salary, well what you did just plain…
Rusty Griswold: Sucks.
Clark: Thank you, Russ. My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain…
Eddie: Appreciate that, Clark.
Clark: Is innocent. I’ll be more than happy to take the rap on this, on behalf of myself and every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas.”

“Clark: So, when did you get the tenement on wheels?
Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there’s an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It’s a good looking vehicle, ain’t it?”

“Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway. [Raises glass to his mouth]
Eddie: Yeah, it sure does. But, don’t you go falling in love with it now, because, we’re taking it with us when we leave here next month. [Clark nearly chokes on his drink]”

“Uncle Lewis: [Clark is cleaning up the garbage off the kitchen floor after the dog went through it] Hey Gris, you’re not doing anything constructive. Run into the living room and get my stogie.”

“Clark: Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis?
Ellen: He’s an old man. This may be his last Christmas.
Clark: If he keeps it up, it WILL be his last Christmas.”

“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”

“Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”

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“Well I’m gonna park the cars and get the luggage, and well, I’ll be outside for the season.”

“[as an entourage of suits – lead by Clark’s boss – passes by single file] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass.
Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”

“[the newel post is wobbly so Clark cuts it off with a chain saw] Fixed the newel post.”

“LOTTA SAP in here. [Spits then gives an a-ok sign] Looks great! Little full, Lotta sap!!”

“The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thspirit of the Grithwold
family Chrithmath.”

“I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.”

“Can’t see the line, can you Russ?”

“[Handing Christmas lights to Russ] Unravel these. We need to check every bulb. [Pulls out a huge tangle of lights] Oop. Little knot here, you can work on
that. [Hands it to Russ]”

“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together.This
is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced
with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the
nuthouse.”

“Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought
from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here…with a big ribbon on his head!
And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating,
inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-
headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”

“Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.”

“[To Eddie] Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?”

“Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record, Clark W. Griswold, Jr. Remember, don’t try this at home kids; I am a professional. Later
dudes. Let ‘er rip. Hang ten!”

“[last lines] I did it.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.”

“Since this is Aunt Bethany’s 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.

“[everyone at the table folds their hands in prayer and reverently bows their heads]

“Russ, we checked every bulb, didn’t we?

“Hmm… Maybe we ought to just go up there and check…

“[a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things.

“Russ, go get the hammer.

“I’m gonna catch it in the coat… And smack it with the hammer.

“If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas.

“Hey, kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sleigh on its way in from New York City. [the kids sit up excitedly]

“I simply solved the problem. We needed a coffin… Er, a tree. There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. Lewis burned down my tree so I replaced it as
best I could. Voilà.

“I know, Art. And thanks for noticing.

“Uh, Eddie? What’s wrong with the dog?

“Our holidays were always such a mess.

“How’d you get through it?

“I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

“I’m sure… I can’t even afford to be an elf.

“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We’re all in this
together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing
Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. [Ellen gives him a glare for his language] And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight,
he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!

“Don’t piss me off, Art.

“Not according to Santa’s watch, it isn’t.

“Stay out of this, Dad.

“Worse?! How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen! We’re at the threshold of Hell!!

“My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain…

“I think you’ve made a terrible mistake.

“May we BLINK?

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