80+ Church Jokes That Are So Funny To Read

funny church jokes

Want to hear some funny yet hilarious Church Jokes? Well here it is! Presenting 80+ Church Jokes That Are So Funny To Read! Ready to analyze the humor quotient in these amazing Church Jokes?

Here we go on this collection in no time!

A Sunday teacher asked the kids just before she expelled them to go to chapel, “And for what reason is it important to be peaceful in chapel?”

Little Johnny stated On the basis of what the individuals are intending to do!

A man, down on his karma, went into a congregation which took into account the “cocky”. Recognizing the man’s grimy garments an elder, stressed over the holy places picture, went to the man and inquired as to whether he required assistance. The man answered, “Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don’t need me in that congregation and the Lord stated, ‘Don’t stress over it child; I’ve been attempting to get into that congregation for quite a long time and haven’t made it yet.”

Little Johnny was in chapel with his mother for Sunday Mass when he felt an abrupt barf assault approaching. “Mother, I believe I’m going to hurl. Keep running over the grass and go behind the shrubberies. You can hurl behind the brambles and no one will see you.” So Little Johnny pulled ass for the entryway. Not exactly a moment later, he came back to his seat beside his mother. He had the appearance of evident alleviation on his young face. “Did you make it right to the shrubberies, Johnny?”

“I didn’t need to go that far, mother. Similarly as I got to the front entryway, I found a crate that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK.” A one dollar greenback met a twenty dollar note and stated, “Hello, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.” The twenty replied, “I’ve been hanging out at the club, went on a voyage and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for some time, went to two or three ball games, to the shopping center, that sort of stuff. You should?”

The one dollar greenback stated, “You know, same old stuff … church, church, church.”

What’s the distinction between a Lady in the congregation and woman in the bath?

One has Hope in her soul while the other one has soap in her hole!

What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.

best church jokes

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Where is the first math problem mentioned in the Bible?
When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.

church jokes

Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?
Because people are sleeping.

famous church jokes

Why are there so many elderly people in Church?
They’re cramming for the final.

funny church jokes

Why did the farmer bring his cows to church?
Because he heard they were getting a new pasture.


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How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.

Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That’s not just a miracle. That’s tapas.

Photons have mass?
I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.

Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck

How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

Why didn’t Noah go fishing? He only had two worms.

Did Eve ever have a date with Adam?
No, just an apple.

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Who was the greatest male financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.

What do they call pastors in Germany?
German Shepherds

Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.

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What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?

Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson, because he brought the house down

Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once

What do we have that Adam never had?

How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.

What did Adam and Eve do after they were kicked out of the Garden of Eden?
They raised a little Cain.

How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.

How do groups of angels greet each other?
Halo, halo, halo.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home!

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
The area around Jordan, because the banks were always overflowing.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

Why did God make man before woman?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Who was the first tennis player in the bible?
Joseph… he served in Pharaoh’s court.

Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time?
Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.

What animal could Noah not trust?

When was meat first mentioned in the Bible?
When Noah took Ham into the ark.

Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
David, because he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Mule-tide greetings.

Why did Noah have to correct the chickens on the Ark?
Because they were using “fowl” language.

Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.

What’s the best way to study the Bible?
You Luke into it.

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Where is medicine first mentioned in the Bible?
When God gave Moses two tablets.

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

If anyone needs an ark.
I happen to Noah guy.

Who was the smallest person in the Bible?

What’s a missionary’s favorite car?

Adam & Eve
The first people not to read the Apple terms and conditions.

Why did the the man give his wife’s wedding ring to the church?
Because The pastors said it was time to take off-her-ring.

What is Eve’s favorite food?

What do you call a Catholic service that is very important?
A Critical Mass.

What kind of tiles did Jesus argue with his contractor about putting in his home? Gentiles.

Why did Jesus give all the sick women stilettos?
Because they said they wanted to be heeled.

What did the stormtrooper say when he entered the church?

What’s a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns!

What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission

Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.

Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.

Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.

What Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhh…”

What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?
Jesus can’t be topped.

Two ministers met in the afterlife and one said “Isn’t heaven wonderful after parish ministry?”
The other replied. “This isn’t heaven.”

Why wouldn’t Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile

Why did the priest giggle during his homily?
He had Mass hysteria.

Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.

If Moses was alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.

Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.

Why did the church come with an expiration date?
Because it was perishable.

Three pastors walk into a bar.
The fourth one ducked.

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How many Presbyterians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change? My grandmother donated that light bulb!

What do you call a pastor in charge of a play?
A spiritual director.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A “roamin’” Catholic

Why don’t skeletons play music at church? Because they don’t have any organs!

Notice in a church parking lot. Trespassers will be baptised.

If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.

Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.

How will you spend eternity – Smoking or Non-smoking?

Fight truth decay — study the Bible daily.

No God – No Peace. Know God – Know Peace.

Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!

When the restaurant next to a chapel put out a big sign with red letters that said, “Open Sundays,” the chapel reciprocated with its own message: “We are
open on Sundays, too.”

Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

In the dark? Follow the Son.


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