140+ Best One Liner Jokes That Are So Amazing

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best one liner jokes

Want to know more about another genre of jokes? Well here it is! Best One Liner Jokes also called Great Humor have the potential to make us laugh or think in various dimensions! Not alone that, they also offer great comic relief at times of need!

If your quest is centered upon jokes that can make you realize facts and truth with a twist, Dark Jokes is what you should need! Presenting 140+ One Liner Jokes That Are So Amazing to read for great comical relief and joy!

Here we go on this collection!

What befalls a frog’s vehicle when it stalls?

It gets frog away.

 

A blonde and a redhead have a farm. They have recently lost their bull. She goes to the market and discovers one for $499. Having just a single dollar left, she goes to the transmit office and discovers that it costs one dollar for every word. She is confused on the most proficient method to advise the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. At long last, she advises the broadcast administrator to send “agreeable.” Skeptical, the administrator asks, “By what means will she know to accompany the trailer from simply that word? Upon hearing that, the redhead super perplexed and says ‘She is so white and goes on to say Want a Bull.

A kid is selling fish on a corner. To stand out enough to be noticed, he is shouting, “Dam fish available to be purchased! Get your dam fish here!” A minister hears this and asks, “For what reason are you calling them ‘dam fish.'” The kid reacts, “In light of the fact that I got these fish at the.” The minister  buys some fish and takes them home. Upon reaching home, he asks his wife to cook a dish out of them. For which, the spouse gets astonished and says “I didn’t have any acquaintance with it was satisfactory for a minister to talk that way.” He discloses to her why they are dam fish. Later during supper, he requests that his child pass the dam fish. He reacts, “That is the soul, Dad! Presently pass the f*cking potatoes!”

An instructor requested that her understudies utilize “beans” in a sentence. “My dad develops beans,” said one young lady. “My mom cooks beans,” said a kid. A third understudy shouted out, “We are all human beans.”

 

Q: Why was six terrified of seven?

A: Because seven “ate” nine.

 

Q: Can a kangaroo hop higher than the Empire State Building?

An: obviously. The Empire State Building can’t hop.

So, now you know why we vouch for these amazing Best One Liner Jokes! Read more and feel happy!

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Damatic sunset sky

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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

best one liner jokes

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Sunrise in ocean

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

funny best one liner jokes

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

popular best one liner jokes

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.

Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

When in doubt, mumble.

I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!

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A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?

Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer…oh wait, he does.

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

George Washington said “We would have a black president when pigs fly!”… well, swine flu.

Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.

Deja Vu – When you think you’re doing something you’ve done before, it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.

The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.

Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.

Does time fly when you’re having sex or was it really just one minute?

If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll find it in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis”

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Who was the first to see a cow and think “I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?”

Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.

You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like, ‘Fuck it – just grab a pile of shit. We’ll get a bag at the airport’.

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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.

Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn’t change soon, I’m gonna divorce him.

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

Isn’t it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.

Well aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

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