130+ Best Dirty Jokes You Can Relate To

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best dirty jokes

Have you heard any Best Dirty Jokes of late? If not, you may have been looking in wrong places! In any case, don’t stress, you’ve at long last gone to the correct one.

Regardless of whether you’ve quite recently viewed the first set of three or you’re an over the top fan who’s seen the majority of the science films at any rate multiple times, there’s something overpowering about Physics Jokes. There’s a mutual language in the motion pictures, a typical shorthand that we would all be able to identify with.

With that in mind, here are our 130+ Best Dirty Jokes. Here we go!

Now and again you need a filthy joke to get you as the day progressed. This rundown of best grimy jokes will make you giggle, regardless of whether you would prefer not to let it out! These grimy jokes are absolutely amusing, and that is the thing that makes us cherish them considerably more. Peruse on to see our top picks.

  1. For what reason did the ketchup become flushed?

He saw the serving of mixed greens dressing.

  1. What did the elephant ask the bare man?

How would you inhale out of that thing?

  1. How would you make your significant other shout during sex?

Call him and let him hear it.

  1. For what reason does the mermaid don seashells?

She exceeded her b-shells!

  1. How is life like tissue?

You’re either on a roll or taking crap from somebody.

  1. What does one boob say to the next boob?

In the event that we don’t get support, individuals will believe we’re nuts.

  1. What’s the distinction between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A man will really scan for a golf ball.

  1. What did Cinderella do when she landed at the ball?

She choked.

  1. How would you recognize a visually impaired man on a bare sea shore?

It’s not hard.

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  1. What’s the contrast between a pregnant lady and a light?

You can unscrew a light.

  1. What’s a 6.9?

Another incredible thing botched by a period.

  1. How could you quit smoking?

I chose to smoke simply after sex.

  1. What do you call a futile bit of skin on a penis?

A man.

  1. Would you like to hear a joke about my vagina?

It doesn’t mind. You’ll never get it!

  1. What did the banana state to the vibrator?

For what reason would you say you are shaking? She will eat me!

Hope these Best Dirty Jokes re-kindled the comedian in you? So, sit back and enjoy reading these collections the way you want whenever you feel stressed or you want to take a break from your stressful life!

What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?
“A beaver dam.”

best dirty jokes (2)

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Why did the sperm cross the road?
“Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.”

best dirty jokes

What did the elephant ask the naked man?
How do you breathe out of that thing?

famous best dirty jokes

What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?
“Wipe it off and say you’re sorry.”

funny best dirty jokes

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
“Where you stick the cucumber.”

popular best dirty jokes

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Why do mice have such small balls?
“So few of them know how to dance.”

What do you do if your wife starts smoking?
“Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.”

A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office.
“The doctor walks in: ‘Sir, I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.’
Patient: ‘I don’t understand, doc. Why?’
Doctor: ‘Because I’m trying to examine you.’”

What’s the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period?
“You get your palm red for free.”

What’s worse than ants in your pants?
“Uncles.”

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
“She gagged.”

How do you know that you have a high sperm count?
“She has to chew before she swallows.”

Three tampons are sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other?
“Nothing. They’re stuck up cunts.”

If a midget tells you your hair smells nice…
“…is that sexual harassment?”

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How do you get a Nun pregnant?
“Dress her up as an altar boy.”

Know what old pussy tastes like?
“Eh. Depends.”

If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke.
“If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck.”

How do you find a blind man on a nude beach?
“…it’s not hard.”

Why don’t pedophiles compete in races?
“They always come in a little behind.”

Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
“Because she outgrew her B-shells!”

What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?
“I’ve never had a lentil on my chest.”

Two deer walk out of a gay bar…
One says to the other, ‘Man, I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there!’”

A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands.
“Bartender: What’s the matter buddy?
Man: It’s the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do?
Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out!
Bartender: What about your best friend?
Man: I looked him straight in the eyes and said BAD DOG!”

What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
“The taste.”

What does Trisha put behind her ears to attract men?
“Her ankles.”

What did one lesbian vampire say to another lesbian vampire?
“Same time next month?”

What’s the worst part about going down on your grandmother?
“Banging your head on the lid of the coffin.”

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre.
“So he gives it to her.”

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can?
“Because his wife died.”

Three women are sitting at a bar arguing over who has the biggest vagina.
“The first girl says, ‘My boyfriend can fit a whole fist up there.’ The second girl says, ‘Ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists and a foot.’ The third girl just smiles as she slides down the bar stool.”

What does a leper say after having sex with a prostitute?
“Keep the tip.”

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Why did the ketchup blush?
He saw the salad dressing.

How do you make your husband scream during sex?
Call him and let him hear it.

Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
She outgrew her b-shells!

How is life like toilet paper?
You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A man will actually search for a golf ball.

What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball?
She gagged.

How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
It’s not hard.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.

What’s a 6.9?
Another great thing screwed up by a period.

How did you quit smoking?
I decided to smoke only after sex.

What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
A man.

Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina?
Nevermind. You’ll never get it!

What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s going to eat me!

Having sex in an elevator is wrong.
On so many levels.

Why is masturbation just like procrastination?
It’s all good until you realize you’re only screwing yourself.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.

A pirate walks into the doctor’s office:
Pirate: Doc, you got to help, me ship’s steering wheel got stuck to me crotch.
Doctor: So, what’s the problem?
Pirate: Doc … it’s driving me nuts!

An old married couple are in church one Sunday… when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
The husband turned to her and said, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

If you’re American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?
European.

Why did the cop sit on the toilet?
To do his duty.

A wife sent her husband a romantic text message.… She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”

What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got peed-off.

Why did the baker have smelly hands?
Because he kneaded a poo!

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Bear:
The Englishman said, “I like English ladies best.”
The Irishman said, “I like Irish ladies best.”
And the bear said, “I like bear ladies best.”

Why did the ketchup blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.

What comes out of your nose at 150 mph?
Lambogreeny.

I farted at work the other day… and my coworker started trying to open the window. It must have been a really bad one — we work on a submarine

I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day… when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!” I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn.”

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breathe through that thing?”

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.… After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I’m afraid to pee.

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in the crack.

Two fish swim into a wall.… One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

Q: What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A: a PDF File

Q: What is the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: A Genealogist looks up your family tree, whereas a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.

Q: What’s green and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the frog’s finger

Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A: A wet nose.

Q: What do you call an Italian hooker?
A: A Pasta-tute

Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adam’s banana stand

Q: Whats the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking.

Q: What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters?
A: They just give you a bra and say “Here, fill this out.”

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: What do electric trains and women’s breasts have in common?
A: They were originally intended for children, but it’s the men who play with them the most.

Q: Whats long, hard and full of seamen?
A: A submarine

Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?
A: You can drop them off anywhere.

Q: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
A: Good morning ladies.

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Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
A: They are both meat substitutes!

Q: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
A: Addictionary.

Q: What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name?
A: Papa Boner

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles

Q: How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A: By the taste

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q: What do you call 2 guys fighting over a promiscuous woman?
A: Tug-of-whore.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What do George Zimmerman, OJ Simpson and Masturbation have in common?
A: Getting off once isn’t enough

Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his butt.

Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
A: Her navel.

Q: What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
A: I want you inside me!

Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
A: 68, at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: Why do vegetarians give good head?
A: Because they are used to eating nuts!

Q: What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually take time to search for a golf ball.

Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
A: Beat it. We’re closed.

Q: What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Married.

Q: Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
A: Because they won’t stop to ask directions.

Q: What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.

Q: What’s the best part about sex with twenty—eight-year-olds?
A: There are 20 of them!

Q: What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Q: What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

Q: What’s the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

Q: How is a girlfriend like a laxative?
A: They both irritate the crap out of you.

Q: What do the Mafia and a vagina have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?
A: The man.

Q: What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A: Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

Q: What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

Q: How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
A: As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

Q: What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart?
A: You are the wind beneath my wings.

Q: Why can’t you hear a psychologist using the bathroom?
A: Because the ‘p’ is silent!

Q: What’s better than roses on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ.

Q: What’s the difference between being hungry and being horny?
A: Where you put the cucumber

Q: What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A: A cherry float

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can?
A: Because his wife died

Q: What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A: A liquor cabinet

Q: What do girls and noodles have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them

Q: What’s the worst thing about dating a blonde?
A: If you don’t know what hole to put it in neither do they.

Q: Did you hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili?
A: I guess he liked seasoned professionals.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopuss

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dong.

Q: What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone without dressing.

Q: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?
A: A Crane!

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because all those men already have boyfriends.

Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch.

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me!

Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?
A: A virgin

Q: What do you call two fat people talking?
A: A heavy discussion

Q: What do you call a party with 100 midgets?
A: A little get together.

Q: What do going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common?
A: You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meaty bit.

Q: What did cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A: She gagged

Q: How do you get Dick from Richard? How do you get Bill from William? how do you get bob from robert?
A: You ask him nicely.

Q: Why doesn’t Santa Claus have any children?
A: Because he only comes once a year, and it’s down your chimney.

Q: What does in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
A: Chewing gum

Q: Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
A: Because Ken came in another box

Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: Keep the tip!

Q: What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A: One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt

Q: What’s the difference between a bag of coke and a baby?
A: Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window

Q: What’s the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
A: The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.

Q: What kind of bees make milk?
A: Boo-Bees

Q: What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A: The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you take your meat out

Q: What do you call an expert fisherman?
A: A Master Baiter

Q: What’s the difference between a girl and a washing machine?
A: When a guy dumps a load in the washing machine, it doesn’t follow him around.

Q: What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
A: Just trying to fit in

Q: What’s the best thing about a gypsy on her period?
A: When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.

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