100+ Dogma Quotes that

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Dogma Quotes that. There are so many Dogma quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Dogma quotes exists just do that.

Written and directed by Kevin Smith the American comedy fantasy film Dogma was released in 1999 starring Ben Affleck, Alan Rickman, Matt Damon, Salma Hayek, Chris Rock, Jason Mewes, Bud Cort, George Carlin, Alanis Morissette, Jason Lee and Linda Fiorentino. This is the fourth film in View Askewniverse by Smith. The stars of First Askewniverse film Clerks appear in Dogma along with Scott Mosier, Walt Flanagan, Dwight Ewell and Bryan Johnson from the Smith regulars. The total runtime of the film is about 128-minutes.

The movie revolves around two fallen angels who want to go back to Heaven but are eternally banished by God. They arrive at Wisconsin and find out about a Church program, Buddy Christ with which they could go back to Heaven. But Betty is warned about this by Metatron the voice of God and aids Betty with two prophets while the two fallen angels Bartleby and Loki team up with Azrael and his Stygian Triplets, three teenage hoodlums.

Bethany is told that the whereabouts of God is unknown after he disappeared while visiting New Jersey to play skee ball in human form. And later she uncovers that the John Doe Jersey who is in life support at a hospital in New Jersey is God’s human vessel and has to be taken out of life support so that he can prevent the killing spree of Bartleby who has killed Loki as Loki became human and tried to stop Bartleby.

All the plans brewed by Azrael were cancelled by the two prophets who also kill Azrael and his triplets. And Bethany is revealed to the truth about her being a direct distant blood relative of God, that she is the last scion. She helps John Doe by sacrificing herself. God appears at the church and ends Bartleby and resurrects Bethany. Also, she is blessed with a child in her womb, who is now the last scion. After that, all three, God, Metatron and the prophets; Serendipity and Rufus return Heaven.

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The irrelevant treatment of both Catholicism and Catholic Church triggered major reactions even before its release was denounced as blasphemy by the Catholic League, and various organized protests around many countries delayed the release of the movie. There were also many threats against Smith.

We have dug up these Dogma quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. This post is probably the biggest database of Dogma Sayings in a single place. These famous Dogma quotes have the power to change your life by giving a novel outlook about the way you observe different aspects of your life. Hence, these popular Dogma quotes should be read with caution and proper understanding of the context. Here are tons of Dogma quotes that will open a treasure chest of Wisdom and experiences: –

“All lines are currently down.”

Dogma saying

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“Have you ever been to Hell, human? I think not.”

Dogma quotes

“After all this time, this is what it comes down to? Slaughter by a meat-puppet.”

Dogma popular quotes

“Be who you’ve always been. Just be this as well, from time to time.”

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Dogma famous quotes“Behold the Metatron! Herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God!”

Dogma best quotes

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“[After being killed by a golf club] But… I’m a ****in’ demon.”

“[awaking from a dream] I didn’t cum in you, Pete, I swear.”

“All that matters is that after all these years, we found a loophole. He can’t keep us out anymore. And once we’re back in, I’m sure He’ll just forgive and forget.”

“Anyone that isn’t dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.”

“Between guys with wings, guys falling out of the sky, and guys trying like hell to **** me, I think I’ve been a pretty good sport about all of this.”

“Come on, demon! Let me see you try that shit on somebody who’s already dead!”

“Death is a worry of the living. The dead, like myself, only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.”

“Do you go around drenching everybody that comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you’re single.”

“Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgment, lives shrouded in secrecy, even from each other. But not from God.”

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“Gear?! Like I ever drove before.”

“Go back to your paper routes, you Mighty Duck ****s!”

“Guess what? We’re going home. No matter whose pride it may hurt.”

“He doesn’t know how to make a holey bartender. I know how to make a holey bartender. [Shoots the bartender with an Uzi.]”

“He’s been at it for a while now. We ran out of-of parishioners. And so he just started picking up folk off the road and dropping ’em.”

“Hey! What just happened gave me a ****ing migraine! So if you don’t pipe down, I’m gonna rip your sack off like a paper towel!”

“Hey, Big Bird! Ready to play the counting game? Count the shells, suck-a-duck!”

“Hey, man, back in the old days with J.C., we used to walk everywhere. Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?”

“Hey, what better way to repent than by resuming the position I once denied, thanks to you?”

“His only real beef with mankind is the shit that gets carried out in His name. Wars. Bigotry. Televangelism. The big one though, is the factioning of the religions. He said, “Mankind got it all wrong by takin’ a good idea and building a belief structure out of it.””

“I can’t kill her if she hasn’t done anything! You know that.”

“I feel like I’m Han Solo and you’re Chewie (referring to Silent Bob) and she’s Ben Kenobi (referring to Bethany) and we’re in that ‘****ed-up’ bar!”

“I guess we’re in charge of the gang now.”

“I have issues with anyone who treats God like a burden instead of a blessing, like some Catholics. You people don’t celebrate your faith. You mourn it.”

“I hope you’re the skee-ball type.”

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“I love ****ing with the clergy.”

“I wouldn’t want to let the family down, now would I?”

“I’m a ****in’ demon and you’re gonna have him assault me with a putter?”

“I’m a muse, stupid!”

“I’m Jay, and this is my hetero life-mate Silent Bob.”

“I’m soaked, and she’s the one that’s surly. That’s rich!”

“I’m sorry my friend but you lost the faith”

“I’m talking about Divine Justice here. I’m talking about raining down fire and brimstone, punishing the wicked.”

“I’m tired of all this cryptic bullshit. I’m physically and psychologically exhausted, Rufus, and I’m ready to kick back and welcome the end of existence unless you come clean, right now.”

“It doesn’t really take a muse to inspire horny retards to empty their wallets.”

“It never ends! {Wipes off coat with God’s dress, then abruptly stops} Sorry.”

“It’s been my experience that the average male is never a man, not even for ten minutes, in his entire lifespan.”

“It’s dogmatic law. If the church says it’s so, God must adhere. This thing has a papal sanction.”

“It’s the end of the world, we got about five minutes… you said you’d **** me.”

“Kill it! (after Rufus wakes up from his fall)”

“Knew him? Shit! Nigga owes me twelve bucks. (when asked if he knew Jesus)”

“Last four days on Earth. If I had a dick, I’d go get laid. We can do the next best thing, let’s kill people. (to terrified woman in the elevator) No, not you.”

“Let it never be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results!”

“Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.”

“Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they’re speaking to me. Or they’re talking to themselves.”

“Mister McGhee, don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

“No married man kisses his wife like that!”

“No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater, than central air.”

“No wonder he saw Jesus. Homey’s rockin’ the ganj!”

“Nobody is ****ing me! You got that?!”

“Now, Through the Looking Glass, that poem “The walrus and the carpenter”, that’s an indictment of organised religion; the walrus with his girth and good nature, obviously represents either Buddha, or, with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha– that takes care of your eastern religions. Now, the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter’s son, he represents the western religions. Now, in the poem what do they do? What do they do? They dupe all these oysters into following them, and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en mass?. Now, I don’t know what that says to you, but, to me it says, that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one’s inner being. Organised religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions, out of fear of some intangible parent figure, who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says “Do it, do it and I’ll ****ing spank you!””

“Oh, Bartleby. Was Wisconsin really that bad?”

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“Oh, did that suck! [after falling out of the sky]”

“Oh, give over, will you? I couldn’t rape you if I wanted to. Angels are ill-equipped. (lowers his pants) See? I’m as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll. You bottom-feeders and your arrogance; you think everybody’s just trying to get in your knickers.”

“Oh, no! I’ve seen way too many Bond films to know that you never reveal all the details of your plan, no matter how close you may think you are to winning.”

“Quit killing people. That’s high profile.”

“Remind me to try that water-to-wine thing at my next party.”

“Rufus it is. Usually it’s Long Rufus, but, uh, it’s a little cold out here. You’d understand.”

“See, don’t. Don’t, my friend. Don’t let your sympathies get the best of you. They did me, once. Scion or not, she’s just a human, and by passing through that arch, our sins are forgiven. No harm, no foul.”

“She’s a slut. Ba-a-a-a-ng.”

“Snoogens! Did you see that shit, man? I know they were just kids, but we kicked their pube-less asses!”

“So if we’re wrong, what’s the right religion?”

“So that would make Bethany part black? (after Rufus explains that Bethany is a direct descendant of Jesus)”

“So you were an artist. Big deal! Elvis was an artist, but that didn’t stop him from joining the service in time of war. That’s why he’s “the King”… and you’re a schmuck.”

“Steady. You wanna be my girlfriend? (looks at Silent Bob) Ok, but Silent Bob gets to live with us and you pay the rent.”

“That’s one way of putting it. Another way is to say I was bludgeoned to shit by big ****ing rocks!”

“The lesson must be taught. All are accountable… even God.”

“The little stoner’s got a point!”

“The major sins never change. Besides, I can spot a commandment-breaker a mile away.”

“The nature of God and the Virgin Birth–these are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? That’s just plain gullibility!”

“The whole book’s gender-biased. A woman’s responsible for original sin. A woman cuts Samson’s coif of power. A woman asks for the head of John the Baptist. Read that book again sometime. Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined. [commenting on the Bible]”

“This is humanity at its best. Look at them. All that anger, all that mistrust, all that unhappiness… forgotten, for that one perfect moment when they get off the plane. (on why he hangs out at the airport)”

“This is just eons of repression getting purged. If only they’d let us jerk off, you know?”

“This wasn’t my idea, alright?! Jesus Christ! I just wanted to go home. But him you know? He just lost it. He realized who you were and what you’d have to do, he just snapped. And the funny thing is, this guy could never even stand to see me work. He said he always felt sorry for you. Now look at him.”

“To answer that; human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God’s true voice. Were you to hear it your mind would cave in and your heart would explode inside your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.”

“Wait, you mean Silent Bob’s an instrument of God?”

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“We figure abortion clinics are a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be here unless they like to ****?”

“We were sent from Him who is called “I am”! (shrugs) It worked for Moses…”

“What the **** do I know ’bout shiftin’?”

“What traditionally defines a woman falls between two things: her legs. But as you can see, [raises skirt] I lack definition!”

“When a quiet little infection destroyed my uterus, where was God? When my husband decided he couldn’t be with a wife who couldn’t bear his children, where was God? To Hell with Him.”

“White folks only wanna hear the good shit — life eternal, a place in God’s Heaven – but as soon as you hear that you’re gettin’ all this good shit from a black Jesus, you freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can’t be your Savior.”

“You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the First Commandment. More than that, not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality.”

“You can’t be anal-retentive if you don’t have an anus.”

“You don’t mind that I lost the wings, do you? I’m trying to keep our profile low.”

“You have nothing to worry about. You’re innocent. But you forgot to say ‘God bless you’ when I sneezed!”

“You know, Christ told me the secret to the Resurrection once. We were at this wedding in Cana, right? And I-I got drunk and forgot it.”

“You know, you can have sex until the third trimester? (after Bethany reveals that she is pregnant)”

“You people! If it hasn’t been made into a movie, it’s not worth knowing about, is that it?”

“You tell someone you’re a Metatron, they stare at you blankly. You mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone is a theology scholar, may I continue uninterrupted?”

“Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains gotta wake up!”

“Silent Bob: [after throwing Bartleby and Loki off a train; a la Indiana Jones] No ticket.”

“Cardinal Glick: People find the Bible obtuse… even hokey.”

“Cardinal Glick: Christ didn’t come to earth to give us the willies! He came to help us out. He was a booster.”

“Grant Hicks: [on TV news] With a papal sanction, the archway entrance of the century-old Jersey shore house of worship will serve as a passageway of plenary indulgence — a little-known Catholic belief which offers all that passes through its arches a morally clean slate.”

“Liz: [distracting anti-abortion protestors] Holy shit, it’s the Pope!”

“Gun store guy: We call this piece the ‘Fecalator’. One look at it and the target shits him- or herself. Try it on.”

“Gang leader: I knew I’s gonna whack somebody today! Represent!”

“Ticket agent: [at bus station] I suggest you not underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State, and show up two hours in advance.”

“PA Announcer: [at St. Michael’s hospital] I repeat: this is not a drill. This is the Apocalypse. Please exit the hospital in an orderly fashion.”

“Nun: Let me get this straight. You don’t believe in God because of “Alice in Wonderland”?
Loki: No, “Through the Looking-Glass”. That poem, “The Walrus and the Carpenter”? That’s an indictment of organized religion. The Walrus, with his girth and good nature, obviously represents either Buddha or, with his tusks, the Hindu elephant-god Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now, the Carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised as a carpenter’s son, he represents the Western religions. Now, in the poem, what do they do? What do they do? They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don’t know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures insures the destruction of one’s inner being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions, out-out of fear of some intangible parent figure who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says, “Do it, do it and I’ll ****ing spank you!”
Nun: The way you put it, I’ve never really thought about it like that before. What have I been doing with my life? What am I–?
Loki: Yeah, I know. Listen, my advice to you: you take that money you’ve been collecting for your parish and go get yourself a nice dress. You know? Fix yourself up. Find some man, find some woman, that you can connect with, even for a moment. ‘Cause that’s really all that life is, Sister. A series of moments. Why don’t you seize yours? (the nun smiles, nods, and exits.) That a girl. That a girl.
Bartleby: You know, here’s what I don’t get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You’ve been in His presence. He’s spoken to you personally. Yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.
Loki: I just like ****ing with the clergy, man. I just love it. I love to keep those guys on their toes. Here’s what I don’t get about you. Why do you feel the need to come to this place all the time?
Bartleby: My friend, because this is humanity at its best. Look at them. All that anger, all that mistrust, all that unhappiness… forgotten for that one perfect moment when they get off the plane. See those two? What the guy doesn’t know is that the girl cheated on him while she was away.
Loki: She did?
Bartleby: Twice.
Loki: Nice.
Bartleby: But it doesn’t matter right now, ’cause they’re both just so relieved to be with one another. I like that. I wish they could all feel that way more often.
Loki: This is why I had to come down here this morning? This is why I had to miss my ****ing cartoons? You call me and tell me it’s important so I can share in your half-ass obsession with a Hallmark moment?”

“Bartleby: We’re going home. (holds out a newspaper article) Somebody sent us this in the mail. (he pauses; Loki just gawks at him) Take it, man. And quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you or something.
Loki: You did just say we’re going home, right?
Bartleby: Read.
Loki: “Cardinal Glick cuts ribbon on Catholicism, Wow! campaign.” And?
Bartleby: You have to keep reading.”

“Loki: Now, wait, so all I gotta do, I walk through the arch thing and then I can go back home?
Bartleby: No. By walking through the archway, all your sins are forgiven. Then all we have to do is die.
Loki: Die?! I don’t wanna die!
Bartleby: What, you’d rather hang around here for a few more eons?
Loki: No… we don’t even know if we can die. All right, but what if we can and then, and then the arch thing doesn’t work? What then, Hell? **** that.
Bartleby: It’s impossible–
Loki: **** that!
Bartleby: If we cut off our wings and trans-substantiate to complete human form, we become mortal. If we die with clean souls, there’s no way they can keep us out. We won’t be angels anymore, but at least we can go back home.”

“Loki: Oh, there’s just one thing I think we need to do before we leave. This is gonna help us get back on His good side.
Bartleby: What?
Loki: Here. I’ve been dreaming about this for five years. (he hands over a page from a magazine) Read that.
Bartleby (reading): “Mooby the Golden Calf: creating an empire out of simplicity.”
Loki: I wanna hit ’em.
Bartleby: You really are just a simple creature. We finally get a way back in and you wanna jeopardize that ’cause you’ve got a soft spot for the good old days.
Loki: Hey, what better way to repent than by resuming the position I once denied, thanks to you?
Bartleby: I really don’t think a killing spree is gonna make things better for us!
Loki: “Killing spree”? I’m talking about Divine Justice here. I’m talking about raining down fire and brimstone, punishing the wicked. He’s all about that. I know He’d want this done!
Bartleby: There hasn’t been an Angel of Death since you quit. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? And besides, what if you’re wrong, like you always are?
Loki: If I’m wrong, which I’m not, it’s not gonna matter. We’re gonna pass through your arch thing anyway. We’re gonna be forgiven. No harm, no foul.”

“Loki: Where’s this church we have to go to?
Bartleby: New Jersey. Re-dedication ceremony is in four days.
(elevator door opens and the ex-angelic pair enter.)
Loki: Last four days on earth. If I had a dick, I’d go get laid. But we can do the next best thing.
Bartleby: What’s that?
Loki: Let’s kill people.
(a woman standing between them sputters, coughs, and spits coffee.)
Loki: Oh, not you!”

“(Liz has just fought her way through a group of pro-life protesters to enter the abortion clinic where she and Bethany work.)
Liz: You’re a Catholic. Can’t you talk to them?
Bethany: They hate me more than you, no doubt. At least you have an excuse. You’re Jewish. You don’t know any better.
Liz: Ah, they won’t go for that one. We already used that excuse when we killed Christ.”

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